Thursday, September 5, 2013

lost love

Photo via: Aëla Labbé

I don't have anything to share per se, but have just gotten out of a year-long relationship. He was my second love, and things ended not because of us, but because we want different things of the future (he wants to settle down in a few years; I want to travel the world), so being sensible we decided to end things now rather then drag them out when our relationship clearly had an expiration date.

It is difficult knowing that we do love each other and work well together, but love is just not enough in this case. It's only been a week since the break up, and I am finding some days a real struggle. I know that I am heartbroken.

However, he seems fine. He thinks he has pretty much moved on, is upset to some extent, but not enough to let it become a distraction in his life. I always thought he loved me more than I did in our relationship and he wanted to marry me and start a family together. I was also his first love. And yet he says he is not heartbroken...

I guess this has puzzled me a little and I am curious to see what others have to say about this:
If you truly love someone and they leave, is it possible not to be heartbroken?

Does lost love equate to heart-brokenness or can you love someone yet not be heartbroken about their absence?


  1. I've been reading this blog for years and always find striking similarities to some of the stories, but right now this post is mirroring my life. Right down to the details that say this was my second love and his first. That it lasted a year. That even though we worked well together and everything seemed perfect, love sometimes isn't enough.
    It's been 3 weeks since we broke up and I'm heartbroken. He lives about 10 minutes away from me and it's killing me we're not together right now.
    Stay strong.

    1. I too have read this site for years, many posts relating to my life, but nothing so strongly as this. He was my second love, but the first one who treated me like a true partner. Down to the day before our break up he told me how much he loved me and how he wanted to be with me forever. It has also been a year - the last 3 months long distance. On my last visit he gave me a drawer - but 2 days later he said he couldn't do it anymore. I'm devastated - this was in no way mutual. I was willing to do everything in my power to make the relationship work despite the distance. But now the man I love doesn't want to hear from me. I can't possibly believe that someone can turn off their feelings for someone overnight and not let it affect their life. I cry the hardest when I think about him being happier today than he was when he was my boyfriend a week ago.

      He says its the distance, but we're also at very different points in our lives - he's 2 years younger and still in college. I pray that the love we have for eachother will reunite us when the timing is better

  2. I guess this has puzzled me a little and I am curious to see what others have to say about this:
    If you truly love someone and they leave, is it possible not to be heartbroken?

  3. Personally, I don't think it's possible. I'm not an expert, but it doesn't sit right.If he really had deep feelings for you maybe he is not ready to come to terms with the loss yet or maybe he is lying??? I hope everything works out for you soon.

  4. I'm not an expert, but I, also, have been in two serious relationships, and my second one I currently am still in. But my perspective of this situation could be the fact that, simply, men and woman are completely and utterly different when it comes to expressing 'emotions'. Let's be real, what majority of men we know that express their feelings more often than woman? Probably close to zero.

    He could be heartbroken. He really could be, but he has put on a brave face simply because he doesn't want to show it.
    I mean, I could be completely wrong but that perspective is always there to be explored.

  5. I met my husband a few months after I ended a 2-year relationship.
    Love doesn't answer to time.
    It has it's own time-table, I guess.

    But I do also think "heartbreak" hits different people at different times. Maybe you'll struggle for the first few months, and slowly begin to heal.

    Maybe he'll distract himself, until one day the pain demands to be felt, and he'll be struggling in ways you've moved on from long ago.

    Keep your chin up, love.
    Life has a funny way of working out.


  6. Break ups is different for everyone. When me and my ex ended our relationship I was a disaster for 6 months. I lost weight, could suddenly break down and start to cry, even though it was what I wanted because we were not happy together. He did not care at all, he seemed fine.
    Until this summer, after 6 months. I was okay again, I did not cry anymore, I was happy, laughing. And I started to date someone and my ex found out.
    Then it was his turn to be completely broken and he wanted us to get back together but then we were on so different places. I had done the heartbreak thing for months. I came out of it as a different person. I think it is good to deal with the feelings right away because even if it was a terrible time in my life, I got over it and I know that I will not be in that place again (this time).

  7. Everyones different. Women are more emotional, have deep feelings than men. Men move on quickly, women dont.

    I hope you can move on soon enough, if its meant to be, its meant to be.

    Sure he loves you but itll hit him the minute he comes to know youve moved on. Good luck Girl, its a big big World!

  8. I think it is possible. If you truly love someone, all that matters is that he is happy. And if you can't follow him to his dreams you have to let him go so he can live his future. At least that's my opinion and the way I'm handling this difficult question.
    Stay strong! I'm pretty sure he loved you a lot! Maybe it's just like you said "I always thought he loved me more than I did in our relationship" and he just decided to let you follow your dreams.

  9. If you have broken up with someone, don't let their actions torment you. Does it really matter how he is reacting if you are no longer together? Should that determine your personal worth/emotions or the value of your past relationship with him?

    I only ask this because my first love left me and left me broken. And I did let the actions that he carried out affect me. If he was happy rather than depressed, it deepened the void inside of me. And then I snapped out of it. People have the right to their own emotions, whether we think they are justified or not. I didn't realize that I shouldn't let others actions affect me.

    I'm not saying you shouldn't feel sadness but you shouldn't let him add to your sadness, especially if you are no longer together. There is no point in wondering why he isn't feeling what your feeling. You are individuals with different backgrounds and experiences.

  10. from experience I can say that you can love someone and not be completely heart broken when it ends. I dated a guy for about a year and could see myself spending my life with him. I was crushed when he broke up with me, but within days it hardly affected me anymore. I just took care of myself by distracting myself and feeding myself endless optimism. And it helped that by that time I lived about an hour away from him. It still took me a while to get over him but I never let the loss of that relationship get me down. it doesn't mean I loved him any less. it just means I did a really good job coping

  11. I did exactly this with my first love .... and now it's not that i regret it, but sometimes i wonder 'What if...?' <3 good luck

  12. Guys are maybe just different. I dated a girl and I was completely in love with her. But by time I just did not feel IT anymore. She did nothing wrong (expect maybe sending waay to many text messages)She was very sweet, but I had to break up with her. She was still very much in love with me, so she felt heart broken, but I was already ready to move on.


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