Sunday, August 4, 2013
seeing is believing
Photo via dearlleila
Do you know what it’s like to long for affection and love from the person who has your heart?
To hang off every word they say, every move they make..
In the beginning its okay... two years later... a girl wants and needs more.
Sometimes when I see a couple in public showing each other affection I cry.
I think because it's like seeing your dreams in front of you but they’re not quite your own.
You’re not that girl, he’s not that guy.
Is that the answer to the question which repeatedly runs through my head?
“I’m not that girl, he’s not that guy”
And if that is the answer... What do I do?
Do I accept him for the guy he is and try and be the girl I need to be?
Is it so bad to long for late night chats, random “I love yous” and kisses on my forehead?
Does that make me needy?
Sometimes I feel ashamed. I feel like I should be stronger.
He regularly tells me he loves me. I know he does.
But seeing is believing. I used the analogy the other night that a paraplegic may know how to skateboard but it doesn’t necessarily mean that he will ever be able to show you. At the time it made sense to me, but now that I have retyped it, it makes no sense at all.
Basically what I was saying is that I need to be shown that I am loved.
Then I wonder if he was that kind of guy would I love him?
He says he will try, he has said it over the past two years but nothing has ever changed.
I’m not sure that I am happy. In fact, sometimes I feel like I am miserable. But I love him more than I have ever loved.
Just a girl, standing in front of a guy, begging him to love her.