Friday, July 12, 2013
no greater revenge than happiness
ph: Alison Scarpulla // Free Bliss
The number of times I felt guilty and held back so I wouldn’t be disrespecting your trust in me. The number of times I berated myself over how selfish I was that I didn't try to be there for you more, for still craving all your time and attention. For thinking I expected too much of you and I was just too young to understand what you were going through. I feel worst when I think about all the ways I slowly started slipping and lowering my carefully cultivated standards, standards I’d thought you’d helped me raise because of all the previous times where I’d made a complete fool of myself. But I trusted you. It’s funny that I don’t feel like the fool now. I just wish you could see what a bad person you are. I can’t even say that without my heart yelling out in your defense, that you’re a good person who’s been through too much, but I’d never allow this on anyone else without judging the fuck out of them. How could you be such a snake? How could you use everything to your advantage, so you can feel sorry for yourself, justify what you’re doing? Good on you for making me sit here questioning the fuck out of everything we ever had, for making me realise how people lose faith in love and humanity so easily. How people start to distrust the world. I never thought you’d be capable of doing something like this to me but I guess now I know how easily it’s done. I won’t be jaded because of you. I won’t even wish bad things upon you. I just hope someday you’ll wake up and be choked by regret and helplessness over your weakness of character in this single occasion and feel genuinely sorry that you did something you never thought you’d do. I had so much faith in you. I’m sorry to see the end of us this way but there’s no fucking way it could’ve been any different. You couldn't even be bothered to tell me upfront without pretensions. My heart actually fucking aches in my quiet moments, it’s my most shameful confession despite all the rage and bitterness I harbor against you. Even just to slap you across the fucking face and crack your jaw, my heart aches for you. I swear to God I won’t feel like this forever though. I’ll be over you so quickly that I’ll just laugh at my past mistakes and pick myself back up, repair my life, grow with others, succeed my dreams and be the happiest, most powerful and humble person I've always wanted to be in the end. People like you won’t hurt me. There’s no greater revenge than happiness and it’s mine. This too shall pass.