Tuesday, July 16, 2013

help, advice and peace of mind

ph: Toby Harvard

I am 18 years old. The first time I saw him was at my friend's dance practice and when she asked me which guy out of here I found the most attractive, without hesitation I pointed to him. Beautiful, bright, blue eyes, dark brown hair, smile of an angel. At that moment, I knew... that one day he would be mine. Sounds cliche, but it as true as it gets. That was about 3 years ago.

I forgot about him for a while, until when I saw him camping, in summer of 2008. We always go to the same camping place, so I was not surprised to see him there playing volleyball with his beautiful face and body. We began talking over Facebook. More and more. He was great, down to earth, funny, everything I wanted. On March 29th, 2009, we began dating. Best time in my life.

He was perfect. And I know that every girl says that about their boyfriend because we all think that our treasure is the best... but he reallly was perfect. He drew me pictures, kissed my forehead in public, called me beautiful, didn't force me to do anything, made a teddy bear, made me so happy, and I made him happy. We spent the most wonderful Christmas, New Year's, Valentines. Everything was perfect. We could lie in a bed and do nothing and it would be the best afternoon in my week.

Everyday, he would tell me how much he loves me, how I am exactly what he's looking for in a girl. We were an example to all the other relationships around me, and I really thought it would be forever.

Then something happened.

This past Tuesday, he told me that over the past week he's been thinking that we lost connection, lost the spark... and he doesn't feel it anymore. I was crushed but most importantly shocked. We never fought and I know there was no other girl he was after. When I asked him to fight and give it a chance... his response was simple and painful, "How can I fight for something I no longer feel".

My entire world collapsed. I am a mess. I cannot eat, sleep, function. I don't know what to think and don't know what to do. Feelings, as strong as he claimed to have for the past year, don't go away over night... or do they?

I need help, advice and peace of mind.

I love him so much, and cannot picture my life without him.


  1. To be honest, I have been on the other side. I have lost "the spark" with a boy, and I broke up with him because of it. You can't stay in a relationship when your heart isn't in it. It's bad for both parties. He can't keep stringing you on - it's nice that he has done it like this rather than cheating on you.

    I think the best thing for you to do is try to accept that. Try your hardest to get through a week or two, then meet up/ask him to call, and ask if he still feels the same. If so, you have to let go. You will find another, someone more suited to you! Life goes on, the hardest part is letting go, but you can do it.

  2. I am going through the same thing right now and I need someone to talk to as I feel you do. Please message me here: matt.dac@gmail.com

    Thank you for having the courage to blog about your feelings.

  3. My best advice is, you always feel you have the best Spark with somebody until you find a better Spark with someone else. It's out there... :) It may not feel like it right now, but have hope! And don't try to search for it or force it. it will find you.

  4. Move on. It's not going to be easy, but as time passes, it would get easier. Meanwhile, be surrounded by family and good friends that care. Best of Luck!

  5. I loved it!!!
    I'm posting looks from Los Angeles and accessories:

  6. Oh, this is exactly my story right know. My boyfriend was perfect right until he lost the spark. And then, probably week after a break up, he started dating another girl, even though he used to tell me how amazing I am and how much he will love me all the time.. I'm sorry for you, I feel the same way as you do.. Best of luck!

  7. I went through the same thing in my first year at university. I started dating a guy on my floor - everyone said we were the perfect couple. And then one day, he tells me that we should go back to being friends and I was heartbroken. The best advice I could give you is to try your best to move on. I spent way too long hanging around pining for him and hoping that one day he would realize he made a mistake. The longer I waited, the more depressed I got. My school work started to suffer, I wasn't eating properly, and worst of all I passed up way too many chances to be with other great guys because I was still hung up on him. Learn from my mistakes! Delete his number, go out with your friends, immerse yourself in school/work/hobbies, and soon enough you'll forget him and find someone else, someone better! <3

  8. There is nothing more you can do at this point. Just move on. When the spark is gone which also means that nothing can be reversed.

  9. Oh, love. This has happened to me. The boy I absolutely adored came home from University and called it quits out of the blue. I know what you're going through. I promise it's going to be better. It's been almost 8 months since he broke my heart but I've picked myself up. I'm dating a boy that adores me as much as I adore him. I have good grades, good company, and a good internship. I promise you one thing -- things will get better. All you need is time.

  10. Sending the biggest hug
    Im sure it took a lot to share this
    surround yourself with friends

  11. Oh my. Sad to hear but.. FACT: sparks doesn't last long. It's totally normal for ANY relationship to sometime have no sparks. It's reality. Do you really think those couples that are married for more than 40 or 50 years will ALWAYS have sparks in their relationship? Granted that i used to have no clue about this, but after much research, it's true that you can't just decide to break off with someone just because the sparks are gone. Love is hard work. Choosing to love someone needs effort. Choosing whom you want to love for the rest of your live will ultimately depend on whether s/he shares the same values as you in life and whether that's the person that you wholeheartedly decide to live with forever. Can you imagine having to date and break off with guys over and over again because the sparks determine the future of your relationship? That's just sad. Next time when the sparks are gone, CREATE it because sparks come and go. Give surprises, give sufficient space to each other, give massages, have a romantic walk etc. After this, it will come alive again. :) Hopefully the guy will stop letting sparks determine his decision on the relationship and instead fight for it. Best of luck to you.

  12. Like they always say girl, good things fall apart so better things can fall together. Remember that. I've been through the exact. same. thing. I'm pretty sure that every girl can say that at least once.. Just know that there is someone out there that is perfectly perfect for you. And he is searching for you. TIME is all you have to conquer here. Put a damn smile on your face too. :) that always helped me. xo


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