Wednesday, July 3, 2013

everything I did

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY WANT ANOTHER CHANCE WHAT I DID REGRET FORGIVE LOVE PHOTO LOVE PIC Untitled by *Nishe, on Flickr
ph: *Nishe

R,

I just wish I was brave enough to talk to you.
In my head everything is so messed up, but I'll try my best to explain.

After all this time, I still don't know how to stop remembering our memories and looking for you everywhere I go. I can't stop relating us to every song I hear. I don't know if I miss you, or if I miss having someone. But I don't know if I'll ever feel as comfortable with someone as I was with you.

I miss having you to care about me and to share small things. You were the one I could tell everything, because you were the only one who completely won my trust. And I miss your hug - but I guess you already know that.

I'm sorry I never believed you when you said that there wouldn't be someone who cares about a girl more than you.

I guess it's too naive to think that we could get back together. I ruined it and I don't know how to fix it. I feel really bad about what I did to you. Maybe I was too young to actually be with someone so dedicated to me. I feel sorry about the reason I gave up one us. And it really breaks my heart that we're not together, and that is my entire fault.

I'm afraid I'm gonna tell you all those things and then one day wake up and feel completely different. I'm not sure about anything. I can't assure you a future. That's how I am, and that's how I screwed it all.

I'm also really afraid you are not the same. I'm afraid that I made you change, and you completely erased me. I'm afraid, besides almost sure, you hate me right now - and I hate myself for that. I feel the worst person in the world when I remember everything I did, and the pain you felt because of me. Then I think that you're totally right in hating and avoiding me, and I should move on. But I'm afraid I can't get over you.

If I'm right and you hate me, please do me a favor one last time: hit me hard with your words, in the way only the person who knew me the most can do, so I can't ever look at you again and feel passionate.

But if you're able to forgive, just call me - maybe you still remember my number, just like I never forgot yours - and I promise I will try my best, so things can feel right again. I promise to tell you everything and hear you carefully. I just have to warn you that some things don't change. I can be really moody and I am still insecure.

M

9 comments:

  1. What did you do to him?

    ReplyDelete
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  2. This describes my current status to a T. thank you for making me not feel alone

    ReplyDelete
  3. I can relate to this in a lot of ways. I'd advise you to take some time to feel better about yourself and fix whatever problems you have personally, and then try to fix things with this person. I feel like that's the only way my relationship stands a chance anyway, maybe this will work for you. Good luck

    ReplyDelete
  4. This feels like the old me wrote this, those words were mine. Could've been mine. And some words are how I feel now. But please, no matter how much you think it's all your fault, it's partially his/hers too. In some way it is, even if you don't see it yourself. Except if you cheated or killed a relative or something.
    I agree with the person above, try to fix yourself first. Take some time. Even if it takes years. You'll see everything better.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I feel the same!
    It has been months, but I feel like this: about him, our realtionship, me.

    I am stuck with those feelings and I am sure he moved on and that he doesnt's love me anymore.

    I don't even know if I can fix myself... I know I should before I write to him.
    It is such an awful situation.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well, somehow we are both on that same situation. Moving on is hard when you are holding on to your past. I don't know........ It’s like that song that a good advice is so hard to follow and I know this coming advice that I will tell you is already screaming in your head. Move on..... Be strong and pray...... You'll make it through.... What you and I are going through now is what the call healing stage..... One of the hardest part but most people make it through by faith and by strong will to survive. I hope we'll make it tHrOUgh.....

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