Friday, June 14, 2013
i still love you
ph: T'3reed Mohammed
I wasn't going to tell you happy birthday today. Partly cause I was angry about you not telling me happy birthday and also because I don’t want you to think I still care. But me being the pushover that I am called you at 11:52 PM my time. Which is 12:52 AM your time.
I'm laying down in my dorm room, listening to the phone ring and after the 4th ring you finally pick up. And you don't say anything for a couple seconds, and I tentatively say hello. There's no answer for awhile and then you softly say my name. Just like you used too.
Then I apologize for calling late, and I told you that it’s still May 6th my time so it’s still your birthday. And you giggled and said thanks. And then I ask about prom, and the pictures you posted on facebook flash through my mind, reminding me of how beautiful you are. And how grown up you looked, and how I would have killed to dance with you like we used to in your room. You say it was fun and something about how prom decorations turned out really well.
We’re both silent for a bit, and then I tell you I’m about to go and that we can catch up later. And you say something, you tell me, “thanks for everything.” And I say that I haven’t done anything and that you should go back to sleep. "But happy birthday " I say, " I hope you had an amazing day." We say goodnight.
But you don’t hang up, you just stop talking. And I can hear you breathing and I stay on the line and think about how to this very day you still make me hang up because you hate doing it. As I’m listening to you sleep like I used to, all the memories come rushing back and it hits me in the face. And my heart hurts because I still love you.
And so I tell you that, in the softest of whispers while you sleep. And I hang up.