Wednesday, May 22, 2013

two people in love

untitled by Lukasz Wierzbowski neon.tambourine, on Flickr
ph: Lukasz Wierzbowski // neon.tambourine

I am writing to say that I am sorry. I’m sorry because I know what it’s like to feel deeply for someone who feels lightly for you. I understand the unrelenting stirring in your stomach when you see them. The deceiving optimism when you think “maybe this time they’ll realize they want me too,” then feeling so foolish when it ends up being just like every other time. To think that maybe minor changes will win their affection. I’ll cut my hair. I’ll wear that shirt instead of this one. I’ll grow my hair out. To obsess over your shortcomings. To want to change yourself at all for someone because you think having them push your hair back and kiss your neck is worth it. I know what it’s like to think about a person when you’re alone in your bed knowing that if you could have anything it would be their company and to feel the emptiness in the space next to you. To go to a place you’ve never been with them before but it reminds you of them anyway because you feel happy there. To go through scenarios in your head where everything goes right, where you say all the right things and you can feel them loving you back and the heavy sting when reality seems so far from that place. To think about the people they have loved and wonder why somebody else deserves something you want so badly. I know what it’s like to try to feel this way for anyone else. To kiss somebody with the nicest smile but at the end of it it’s not the one you want. You want the cynical one. I know exactly how it feels to ache. To feel deprived. To feel stupid. To know they never think about you when you can’t seem to stop picturing their face. I know what it’s like to think being in love is the fucking worst. To hope for nonchalance. To wish you could feel lightly. But it is not in our nature.

We are two people in love. We feel heavily but not for each other. I love him and you love me. It is not meant to be any other way, and from my very being I am sorry. I wish so badly that I could reciprocate your feelings. It would make so much sense.

19 comments:

  1. So written down to the point. It feels exactly that way. And it hurts just as much as the other way round.

    xoxo Laurenzia

    ohnowheregirl.com

    ReplyDelete
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  2. Wow, written beautifully this. Really captures that feeling sadly most of us are familiar with.

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  3. Beautiful.

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  4. very nice!
    and i love the photo!! it fits! :)

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  5. I read this blog since a year, I'm in love with all this Pictures and Posts.

    greetings from Germany
    xx :)

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  7. great post, you read my mind.

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  9. You're so right...it's always the maybe this time, but it never is.It hurts to be the one waiting, but you want to kick yourself when a nice guy comes around and you just can't love them back.

    thanks for putting all my feelings in writing:)

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  10. Fantastic, absolutely fantastic ...

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