Thursday, May 9, 2013

those hands used to be mine

ph: Emily Callahan // allfangs andelbows

My dear L.,

This is the email I will probably never send you. I will never admit how much it hurts to hear you're taking another girl out, buying her glasses of wine, holding her hand in the cinema and sending her text messages. I used to be that girl, for 4 years.
I don't know what exactly happened. We stopped being in love with each other. We stopped having fun. The routine took over our lives and before we knew it, I was taking a plane in a direction and you were taking a train in the other one.

We still talk. I still cannot imagine my life without you. You were my best friend and you can't abandon your best friend when something bad happens. I know I was the one who said we should break up. I know. Although I still know we're not right for each other and if we ever got back together we would drive each other crazy in less than a week, although I know all of that I cannot imagine your hands, your beautiful hands I used to love, touching another girls, caressing her neck, her thighs, making her feel special. Those hands used to be mine. I miss those hands. I miss you. I miss us, our wine bottles and bookshelf, the way you would walk in on me while I was taking a shower, the way you used to carry me home at night when I'd had one too many drinks, I miss kissing you in the morning before I'd leave to university.

It's a bit too late for this now. And we're too far away. I am not saying I wish we were together again because I know it wouldn't work out, at least not now, not in this world. But I do admit I lie in bed at night, thinking of you, of how you're now learning the smell of another girl's hair and the shape of her ankles.

I miss you. But you're still my best friend so from the bottom of my heart, I hope she can make you happier than I ever managed to.



  1. This text really touched my heart. I almost cried.. To feel like this is both painful and beutiful on the same time!

  2. Ah this was a heartfelt letter, and reminds me of my last love. Who was also talking to his lovely ex and I couldn't stand it! One night I threw my cup of tea past his head and yelled out because her photos were in his phone, again!

    Be glad you loved, better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all!

  3. Relationships could be so rewarding thats why it hurts when they actually end. !ll that is tone and atmosphere to life seems to change. When dealing with concepts like trust and resposibilties makes you think twice about properties of a relationship, and what it means to actually perserve it. Its a special aspect of life. Gotta love people

  4. This made me really sad. In the moment, we are sometimes so rushed and hasty to make decisions, and sometimes these decisions make or break us. The repercussions after a break up hurt a long time, but stay strong. I hope you find a boy to make you just as happy, or even more happy than he did.


  5. thanks for share...

  6. This is absolutely beautiful. It made me tear up - It's a feeling that I wish I'll never personally have to experience myself...but, sometimes, it's not possible to tell the future.


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