Monday, May 6, 2013

i think i already do

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE QUOTE LOVE PHOTO Theo Gosselin photographer flickr girl boy kissing wall decor photo LELOVEBLOGLOVESTORYLOVEQUOTELOVEPHOTOTheoGosselinphotographerflickrgirlboykissingwalldecor_zpsef034008.png
photo: Theo Gosselin

I am trying to make sense out of all this mess; I really am because there’s got to be a rational, saner explanation as to why you have become a permanent inhabitant in my mind. Even before you came, I knew you would be a temptation, a possible cause of distraction from my vow to abstinence and loyalty to my boyfriend. I was glad I didn’t find you attractive when I first saw you striding along the corridor of our dorm. You look boyish and average, definitely not my kind of guy. Whew!

Months passed and we became closer. I look to you like the big sister that I am and you keep me amused with your adventure stories and lame jokes. It’s comfortable this thing we had you see, no emotions or butterflies; just pure, fun friendship. But one night changed everything! You flirted with our dorm mate’s sister at a party and she even slept at one of the rooms at our floor which led me to the obvious conclusion that you slept together. In an instant, it’s like a switch has been flicked somewhere and I’m seeing you more clearly than the night before. Its true then what they say that when you are about to lose someone, it will become the most important person to you. I remember not sleeping that night, constantly thinking what you two are doing locked in a room together. I have gone crazy inside after that but I never dared to tell you. You told me about it of course, how you “almost” did it with her and I’m not sure if I should believe you but it doesn’t matter right? I’m not your girlfriend, I have a boyfriend back home and you’re courting someone back in your hometown too so explaining isn’t really necessary.

I can tell by the amount of time she hangs out in our dorm that she likes you but you said you don’t that’s why I became more protective of you. We spent more time together trying to give her the idea that we’re an item and I’m beginning to feel different. The butterflies rapidly multiply, I begin to wake up in the wee hours of the night remembering how I dreamt about you, and then I start missing you.

One lazy Saturday, we hang out in my room like we usually do but this time I can feel something different, it was awkward and we were careful. Out of nowhere you kissed me and I responded, slowly at first like we’re not sure if it’s the right thing to do. I looked at you and lost all my inhibitions and caved in, it was stupid I know but the feeling seems so right. I was happy… for a while. You go to my room every night after that and the same sick feeling remains. You have no idea how guilty I am every time I talk to my boyfriend thru Skype after making out with you. We were getting dangerously close and people start to notice so I told you to slow down a little, you obliged.

We see less of each other after we talked about slowing down a bit and you don’t know how much I miss you. I miss your goodnight kisses, our long talks, cuddles and your smile. I guess I just miss all of you. I unsubscribed from your Facebook because I can’t stand looking at your cheesy status and goodnight messages to your girl, I don’t go online because it pains me when you don’t send a message, I changed your name on Skype so I won’t get thrilled every time you go online… you have no idea how much effort I put on learning how to forget you because I miss you so much. I put myself into this mess and I can’t seem to get out. I’m sorry I led you on, I’m sorry I can’t stand for you, I have to protect myself you know. I cannot risk losing my boyfriend over something I’m totally uncertain of.

But I miss you. You said you love me before but I was sure you didn’t mean it however I wish you do. Should you say those 3 words again, I might reply back because even if I don’t want to love you, I think I already do.

8 comments:

  1. Been there done that! First thing you gotta do is break up with the boyfriend. You were in charge of your actions and you kissed someone else, who you obviously have feelings for. You can't do this to your boyfriend, trust me! Then, sort out your feelings with this new guy. See how things go.
    Best of luck!

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  2. falling in love can be decieving

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  3. God this is beautiful written. It catches me everytime I read "I don’t go online because it pains me when you don’t send a message [...] you have no idea how much effort I put on learning how to forget you."

    Perfectly described.

    xoxo Laurenzia

    ohnowheregirl.com

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  4. So beautiful. Thanks and keep the love alive always.

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  5. how dare you deceive your boyfriend like that. this horrible and selfish, not love.

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  6. I couldn't ever think about cheating on someone who loves me. Your boyfriend was waiting for you at home, probably missing you and thinking about you. His heart probably skipped a few beats when you signed into Skype. He probably missed your cuddles and kisses. And you out of your own selfish desire, cheated and betrayed him with no remorse. It's just so horrible. Being cheated on is probably one of the worst feelings in the world and you did that to someone who cares about you. You should feel ashamed.

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  8. Getting ex boyfriend back after a breakup,I’m extremely happy that will are living together again. Am Maria 21yr from England, my boyfriend of a 4yr just broke up with me and am 30 weeks pregnant.I have cried my self to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again.Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes ,my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on time.Generally he is a very nice guy ,he ended it because he said we were arguing a lot and not getting along.He is right we’ve been arguing during the pregnancy a lot .After the break up I kept ringing him and telling him I will change.I am in love with this guy and he is the best guy I have ever been with.I’m still hurt and in disbelief when he said he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards me anymore that hurt me faster than a lethal syringe.He texts me now and then mainly to check up on how am doing with the pregnancy,he is supportive with it but it’s not fair on me, him texting me as I just want to grieve the pain and not have any stress due to the pregnancy.i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my bf came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my bf are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Unity. If you have any problem contact Dr.Unity now and i guarantee you that he will help you.Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on whats-app: +2348071622464.

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