Friday, March 22, 2013
second time around
ph: Emma Hartvig
I wasn't sure if I should actually hit the 'send' button but as you can see, I swallowed my pride and did it... Seeing you that Monday afternoon felt so great and since then I keep wondering how you felt after seeing me...I'm very aware that I may regret this, but I am also aware that if I don't be honest and true to myself, I may always be wondering... So instead of wondering I'll just ask. And as blunt and as honest as it may be, I know that's the one thing we're both good at; being straight up and honest with each other.
It's been almost a year without you but when I saw you the other day, I still felt that connection going strong... At least on my end it was... I feel that I've grown so much this past year and it feels so great to be aware of myself as an individual. I also think you have grown as well (whether or not you believe that). I think that since we've gone our separate ways, and as hard as its been for the both of us, we've been able to have a good and respectful communication with each other... I think we both know and understand why we broke up and we both know and understand each others downfalls. Knowing these downfalls has helped me grow as a person (I hope it has done the same for you). You've never been good at believing in yourself and you always know I'm the first person routing for you even when you don't understand why...
So here's whats been on my mind... I keep having this fantasy about you and me. I always wonder if you're missing me or wishing we could work things out... not go full force into something, but take baby steps to see if this time apart, this time we've had to grow as individuals has changed anything... I know you tell yourself that you need this time alone and you're not sure if I was or ever will be 'the one' because as you say 'when you know you know'....and I'm not sure what the answer to that is either, but I do know that there is this little voice in my head that wonders what it would be like the second time around. And maybe that time is not today or even anytime soon for you, but deep down do you ever wonder if it could work?
On Monday I wanted nothing more than to have you in my bed and a part of me can't get that idea out of my mind...
I know that idea made you feel uneasy because you don't want to hurt me, and I appreciate that more than you know.
Like I've said before, honesty is our thing and I would never want to fight for someone who doesn't want me. But I will do what I can to trust my feelings, especially when they still feel this strong after so much time apart.