Monday, March 18, 2013
a rope worth holding
You never just had a part of me, you had all of me. I wrapped myself up in your being and it wasn’t surprising when you did the same. Our lives became entwined with a mix of our bests, and our worsts. I’m not scared nor do I feel robbed. I guess I feel a little confused on how something that consuming couldn’t make it to the end.
Here I am now thinking about what lies ahead. To have my string back from our entwined rope, it just doesn’t seem right. I feel vulnerable and not as strong. What I keep forgetting is that it’s not impossible to entwine myself with another. So many people don’t want to change, they want to move on and still be the same person. I’ve felt that way for such a long time. Now I feel like the only answer is leaving that girl behind.
If I was willing to give that much of myself to you at one time I shouldn’t be selfish enough to ask for it back. And I shouldn’t be shallow enough to expect another guy to love your leftovers. I have to create something for him to love that isn’t marked by yours. I don’t need to hate you in the process either. This is all ok to feel but there’s a day when that strand of rope is knotted and then the new piece forms. Different lengths and different strengths, it’s all the same rope. I just need to decide which piece I feel the safest holding when I fall.