Monday, February 11, 2013

surrogate girlfriend

ph: Marija Strajnic

I am exhausted. Actually, I’m weary. My name means weary and I have always felt it, but how do you express to anyone at age 14, 15, 19 that you feel weary? Weatherworn, battered, sad with life and people? I am falling in love with a man with a girlfriend. A beautiful, loving girl I once was blessed to call my friend. A girl he loves and he doesn’t deserve. He’s pursued me throughout their entire relationship, even while she was still in America with us. When they took a three-day break, he found me and begged for me. She left the state for a weekend and he came to my door, begging to just let him hold my face in his hands. He says he wants to understand me, the girl who hides everything, shields everything. And now, while his girlfriend is living in France again, they are in an open-relationship, and he and I have fallen into an affair. I resisted for months, but throughout drunkenly fell into bed with him again and again. He’s forceful, selfish and manipulative. He even confessed, tonight, that he is using me, hoping I would confess reciprocation to heal his guilt. I told him I wasn’t using him. I am being used as a surrogate girlfriend. Someone he knows will care for him, ache for his presence and satisfy him. And he has found me, a girl who has never had a commitment, a boyfriend, a true love before, and has devastated me. I fought this for so long with him and every man who has tried because I was scared. But I also fought hard because I knew the days of lying in bed together, the confessions, the intimacy, the fact that we have become each others best friends, was all wrong. It has beaten at my conscience and emotions, until now, I am numb to guilt. I am numb to everything but the desire to be loved in return. My friend overdosed two weeks ago, and I am terrified because I cannot mourn her, because I am numb. The girls I live with, who a month prior I believed to be my life long friends, have abandoned and shamed and bullied me from my home with them because of him. But I can’t care because I am numb. The only space in my heart now is consumed with a desperate, constant, throbbing ache to have the first person I ever let in, the first man I broke my guard to, to hold me. He told me he was afraid of falling in love with me, that he wanted to be my first love, that he would leave her if I asked, and I said I couldn’t. I was scared and ashamed. Now my world is collapsing around me, and I am desperately clinging to any stable ground. I want him now, but he is returning to Europe for our break, where he will spend the weeks in the arms of a woman who loves him more purely and honestly than I ever could. And it is over. He doesn’t want me anymore. I can’t expect anything else from him, and I can’t feel anything but desperately, unendingly weary.


  1. Wow. This is so beautifully written I can almost feel the pain. Hold on tight, you are no ones surrogate girlfriend.

  2. I'm so sorry you have been used in this way. Your love will find a new source one day. One that is reciprocal and deserving of it, a person who will not abandon or use you and who will be happy give you the happiness you so desperately and naturally want. I urge you to focus on yourself right now. Do what makes you and you alone happy. Don't worry about dating. Just shed away any unnecessary hurt this boy has caused you and start anew. True love will find you. Also, R.I.P. to your friend, I am so sorry for your loss.

  3. Dont lose your hope. You did nothing wrong.. Well, who m I to judge? Yeah, being with somebody else's boyfriend, while you know so, is wrong,, but you followed your heart. Shouldn't we all be following our hearts?
    Is there a clear right or wrong when it comes to love?
    Be strong, girl*

  4. That is abuse! You have been abused. Be grateful that this idiot man-child is out of your life and never, never let him back in (because believe me, he will try). You will find real love. You are so much stronger than you know.

  5. I just read your story and thought: That cannot be!!
    You have to know i am in a similar situation like you and i really sympathize with you...

    I wish you will get over him!

  6. So deep, you can just hear it in your writing. Beautiful.


  7. An amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my husband back to me.. My name is Giulia Andreea, i live in Romanian,and I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with two kids.A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited { or}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster CALLED DR OBEHI INEGBEDION. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same email or,if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to the DR OBEHI INEGBEDION for bringing back my husband ,and brought great joy to my family again.


  8. Carol Andersen,

    This was even faster than I could dream of. Thank you for taking time to listen to me and answering all my emails. I feel emotional strong again. My confidence is back and I see my future clearly. I am forever grateful for your help in re-uniting me with my old lover.if there is any one out there ineed of help pls contact

    Carol Andersen, Seattle, USA


  9. My name is harry williams , I base in U.S.A. i have a problem with my Lover, she left me for good four years.but today she is back!!! After 4 years of Broken marriage, my wife left me with 3 kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called dr,atitiokotemple , which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he cast a spell to stop divorce and so on, he also cast a spell for people to win case in the court i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Drucilla,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped dr,atitiokotemple E-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give a try. I contacted him VIA Email and explained my problem to him. In just 48hours, my wife came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before dr,atitiokotemple, is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man… If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try contact him on dr, anytime, he might be the answer to your problems.try it God bless you.


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