Friday, February 1, 2013

my questions

ph: sinister kid

We met 6 days after my 18th birthday, at my friend's party. He caught my eye immediately, but I wasn't sure if he was interested. I left the party to go clubbing and he went to my friend's place with his best friend, who I've known for about a year. He got my friend's number and was flirting with her, but she wasn't interested. Two days later I saw him again. Thankfully I had claimed him as my latest crush, so my friends made sure I was there to see him. It was summer, he was swimming with another one of his best friends, who I've known for a while as well. He offered to drive me to my night class at art school, even though we hardly knew each other. The next day he asked for my number on facebook. He remembers what I wore on these two occasions, right down to the shoes I was wearing and how I was sitting on the grass. He also recalls that he offered to drive me because he thought I was hot. I get this stupid half smile just writing that.

Anyway, we planned to catch up again and my feelings for him were developing into the most ridiculous crush I have ever had. He drove me to a party the next week, even though he only knew a few of my friends he met the same night that we met. We bailed early and he took me to a lookout. He has said a few times that he planned to kiss me then, but I got nervous so I decided to have a running race with him. When we got back in the car, we talked for about an hour and I told him everything - from still being a virgin, to my estranged father. He listened, never looked bored, and even told me how much he respected my still having my virginity. He had been in a 2 year relationship that ended 6 months-a year prior, but overall he has slept with more girls than I've kissed boys. A fact that still haunts me to the day. He told me how badly he was hurt, being cheated on by his ex, which lead to him not wanting a relationship. Not that this was really something on my mind, but my heart sank a little.

My feelings grew stronger and in the following week my heart sank further. I had been warned from my friend who's number he got first that he was flirting with her just as much as he was with me, so I confronted him and that issue was solved.
By the following Saturday, 15 days after we had met, we started dating. Only hours before we decided to be a couple, he had written the first of many post-it notes that have come to fill my life as constant reminders that he is there for me.

When I moved out of my parent's home to house-sit my sister's place across town, he slept over whenever he could, even when we weren't having sex yet. He never pressured, he just held me in his sleep, possibly my fondest memory so far.

We try to see each other whenever we can, texting each other constantly and he would call me at night just to chat, even if we had spent the day together. I not only had post-it notes cluttering my life, but two raps he had written, cue cards tacked to my bookshelf, a letter for our 3 month anniversary and other little presents. Eventually, my work began to suffer and I knew he was the reason, so I dumped him...
We got back together 30 minutes later. He always tells me that I broke his heart that night.

Everything has been perfect apart from these little things, and the girls from his past. There were so many that were hurt when we got together, because he had told them he didn't want a relationship. Then there is his ex girlfriend, who still says that she loves him, has offered for him to sleep at her house after clubbing and runs into him relatively often. I hate this, but she is a nice girl and I know he loves me. So I don't understand what I can do about this.

So, readers, if this has been published, these are my questions:
* His ex was with him for nearly 2 years, so it's understandable that she wants to be a part of his life still, but do I need to confront her about anything when she is nothing but nice to me? I try to keep in mind that I'm still friendly with my ex (though we dated for 3 weeks nearly 2 years ago) and that I have many male friends who I flirt with.
*My mother tries to remind me to be realistic, but we're both serious when we say we want to marry each other. But I worry about the little things, like the fact that he is the only guy I've slept with, my first serious boyfriend etc etc. I don't worry about the fact that he is my first love, because I like that we can be so serious so young. He has been in love before, but he says that it has never been like what we have, does that count for anything? How optimistic can I be?

I love you all.
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