Tuesday, February 19, 2013

how you can tell when it’s true love

ph: Viola Cangi

Everyone always wants to know how you can tell when it’s true love, and I think the answer is this: when the pain doesn't fade and the scars don’t heal, and it’s too damned late.

I loved you because you observed me as no one has, in my silence, you captured my habits, and quirks and still loved me. Last summer meant so much to me. More than you can ever imagine. And when you left I was a wreck. The letters I sent I tried to seem okay but I wasn't, I cried every night and every day I would wait for you to come back. In our time together you claimed a special place in my heart, one I’ll carry with me forever and that no one can replace. I believe that memories can have a physical almost living presence, and the times we shared are the best I've got. When I close my eyes I can see your face, when I walk it’s almost as if I can feel your hand in mine. Those things are still real to me, but where they once brought comfort, now they leave me with an ache. I hope you never have to think about anything as much as I think about you. Every time I saw someone with a crew cut, I’d feel my heart start beating faster, I knew it wasn't you but I wanted it to be you.

I fell in love you when we were together, I fell more in love with you when we were apart. I think that is dumb of me to say because while I was falling you were being hardened, trained, and sculpted into a person that I didn’t know. But I guess if you love deeply, you’re going to get hurt badly but it’s still worth it.

I never planned on falling in love with you, and in a different way your family, I always thought it to be unnecessary and messy. I learned the hard way that I was right.

I often remember our intimate moments together, the way we shared ourselves completely I feel as if that time has permanently linked our souls. I never opened myself up to anyone like that, and I hope I never have to do that again. I hope that you are the only one who knows each and every one of my secrets and fears, I hope that no one else hears my voice telling them that I love them when I first wake up or that I fall asleep in almost every movie theater. I hope that no one knows that you twitch when you sleep. I hope that no one comes to know the sound you make when a certain spot on your neck is kissed or that you might be the perfect man.

I miss you, whenever something funny happens you’re the person I want to tell. I want to make dinner for you and buy birthday cake ice cream because I saw it in the store and remembered it is your favorite. I want to fight with you, and explain, in depth, why the Red Sox are better than the Yankees. I want to pretend to be interested in your video games and kiss you goodnight every single night. You and I shared something wonderful and I never want to forget that. You are truly one of a kind.

You’re thoughtful and honest, a true gentleman, but more than that you are the first man I ever truly loved and no matter what the future brings, you always will be, and I know that my life is better for it.

I love you, always.
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