Friday, January 18, 2013

you will not be my last

LELOVE BLOG STORIES QUOTES ADVICE Untitled by Adriano Sodré on Flickr
ph: Adriano Sodré

You loved me, and at first, it was an unrequited love. But once I allowed myself to, I loved you back. I became vulnerable as you forced yourself into my mind, creeping into my privacy, making my thoughts more accessible and my soul less exclusive. By doing this, you tore down my wall. I was fully open to you, making myself an easy target for heartbreak. I was scared and you knew this, but you made a promise and I trusted you. And it felt good to trust someone.

So, though I never thought I would, I let myself fall. We lived and laughed and loved together. We grew too close but enjoyed it, embraced our romantic friendship. Things changed, but we remained. The physical distance between us grew, though our love seemed stronger than ever. At least to me it did.

It came out of nowhere and within seconds I felt lower than I ever had. I was embarrassed that I was misled by you. That I, of all people, fell for it, didn’t even guess that our bond was disintegrating. You had successfully fooled me. I was so ashamed at how affected I was by you, this stranger that used to be my love. It felt as though I was suffocating and suffering from a blow to the stomach all at the same time. I thought that feeling was made up by Hollywood screenwriters who felt the need to make the portrayal of a relationship as dramatic as possible, but it was all too real: the weak, trembling knees and the need to collapse in tears and curl into a ball, trying to prevent anyone else from getting in.

The thing I feared most, the thing that I promised to my former independent, strong self had happened: my heart had been broken.

You are enjoying your life now, which on the surface kills me because I want you to regret your decision. But, deep within my core, I am glad for you. I don’t like either of these feelings. I do not want someone who deeply hurt me to have my happiness, and I especially do not want them to have my anger. I wish I merely did not care, for indifference is stronger than hatred. Anyone who is trying to figure out how to behave around a former love will most likely understand what I mean by that, that indifference is stronger.

I am no longer in love with you, yet you still have my heart. I am trying to get it back, and it’s so frustrating because you don’t even want it. Maybe what’s keeping it with you is that fact that you have a power that no other will ever possess: you were my first love.

But you will not be my last. I refuse to be forever broken. I strive to love like I’ve never been hurt, and I vow to let go of what hurts in order to make room for what feels good. I’m so sad that such a fun, simple, beautiful relationship has ended completely with no remains of a friendship whatsoever, but I must let go. It will take time, and I am prepared for that. But I must admit, I cannot wait for the day when I wake up and am able to say that I did not think of you once the day before. It is in that moment when I will consider myself healed.

22 comments:

  1. the day that happens will come. it took me a over a year. but it was worth the wait. like a huge weight has been taken off you.

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  2. and that day does come. it came to me and it felt gooood!!!

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  3. The same happened to me, he still has my heart, he still misleads me... Just wish he could stop pretending and lying to me...

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  4. I am really looking for such a great article. Like this most of my friends used to share their ideas as quotes which make your loved one to think more about you!

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  5. after ending something ,something will be start . nice article, tanks for sharing.
    nizam

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  6. " this stranger that used to be my love".
    :(

    Sometimes we love.. we just do.. without knowing why or without being rational at all..
    Sometimes we fall in love with a stranger.. And never let the feeling go.

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  7. thanks for sharing your story.
    i really love it, altho it is so sad. i am in a similar situation.
    the idea that a guy is able to own your heart, i hate this feeling!
    but with everyday it gets better and better and someday,
    it will be mine again.

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  8. I deeply understand you. Looking forward to that day, too. But I have faith in my heart - it will come!

    Go girl.

    xoxo Laurenzia

    ohnowheregirl.blogspot.com

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  9. I truly love how strong you are. You're very inspiring. Keep your hope and faith, you deserve a great love.

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  10. thank for share your article... nice post..

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  11. this is incredible
    so strong and powerful
    im experiencing something similar, you are not alone

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  12. Thank you sharing a lovely post. i love to read your post.

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  13. Similar thing happened to me . . . She still has my heart . . Lovely post... Thanks for sharing

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  14. aw. i feel it entirely..
    i loved reading it.
    stay strong.

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  15. Exactly how I felt. I am now free, as optimistic and able to commit as before. And so will you. :D C.

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  16. I got burned a few years ago and since then I am yet to let my guard down with any guy. I've just started a new relationship and he's perfect and falling for me and I want to as well. But this post has put me off - I remember the suffering now..

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  17. "I am no longer in love with you, yet you still have my heart. I am trying to get it back, and it’s so frustrating because you don’t even want it. "

    It was like reading my own thoughts. I'm going through the exact same thing. My first love that left me. Nothing remains but hatred and that makes me hate him even more. It's like everything we had didn't mean anything.

    I love this. I'm saving the text forever. Thank you.

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  18. I understand your situation exactly. A guy took my heart almost two years ago, and even though it's been over two months without speaking to him, he has my heart. It's good to know that even if you feel like the only one out there feeling the heartbreak, you're not. Stay strong. Tough times don't last, tough people do. I haven't seen a storm last forever.

    Best wishes.

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  19. I love it. I feel like I am going through the exact same thing, and I am hurting everyday. But i will refuse to let him mess me up. Slowly but surely, I will heal. He was my first love, but will not be the last.

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  20. Getting ex back after a breakup. Am Maria 21 from England, my boyfriend of a year just broke up with me and am 30 weeks pregnant.I have cried my self to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again.Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes ,my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on time.Generally he is a very nice guy ,he ended it because he said we were arguing a lot and not getting along.He is right we’ve been arguing during the pregnancy a lot .After the break up I kept ringing him and telling him I will change.I am in love with this guy and he is the best guy I have ever been with.I’m still hurt and in disbelief when he said he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards me anymore that hurt me faster than a lethal syringe.He texts me now and then mainly to check up on how am doing with the pregnancy,he is supportive with it but it’s not fair on me, him texting me as I just want to grieve the pain and not have any stress due to the pregnancy.i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my bf came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my bf are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Unity . If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you.This is his E-mail: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or Add him up on Whats-app: +2348071622464,you can also visit his website:http://unityspelltemple.yolasite.com .

    ReplyDelete
  21. Getting ex back after a breakup. Am Maria 21 from England, my boyfriend of a year just broke up with me and am 30 weeks pregnant.I have cried my self to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again.Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes ,my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on time.Generally he is a very nice guy ,he ended it because he said we were arguing a lot and not getting along.He is right we’ve been arguing during the pregnancy a lot .After the break up I kept ringing him and telling him I will change.I am in love with this guy and he is the best guy I have ever been with.I’m still hurt and in disbelief when he said he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards me anymore that hurt me faster than a lethal syringe.He texts me now and then mainly to check up on how am doing with the pregnancy,he is supportive with it but it’s not fair on me, him texting me as I just want to grieve the pain and not have any stress due to the pregnancy.i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my bf came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my bf are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Unity . If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you.This is his E-mail: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or Add him up on Whats-app: +2348071622464,you can also visit his website:http://unityspelltemple.yolasite.com .

    ReplyDelete

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