Sunday, January 27, 2013

such a strong love

ph: victoriahhhh

I always used to feel so incredibly strong. I knew I was fine on my own, that I could fix almost anything and even if there was something I couldn’t fix, I would always find a way. A solution. They call me wonderwoman, and I like it. I like being the one that helps everyone else, that solves their problems and shows them the good aspect in everything they’re currently going through.

And you, you are just like me. You’re superman. I always knew you helped all your friends through the hard times in their lives. I liked that about you. But the moment my heart skipped a beat was when you showed me your wounds and scars…when you told me the stories of how cruel some kids used to be to you when you were little. I had never seen that expression on your face, that seriousness in your eyes.

I think that was the moment I realized you were more than just the funny dude I loved to hang around with. And that day at the lakeside, when you talked about your ex and how she hurt you. There was the pain in your eyes again; flashing up for a second until you made it go away with your smile. The smile that warms my heart like no other.

I guess seeing your weaknesses and scars gave me the confidence to reveal my own ones to you…knowing you were just like me, I was no longer scared to be weak for once myself. And all the things that scared me before – the caressing, the way you have to let all your walls come down, the way you can no longer hide behind a mask when you fall in love – lost their ability to make me run away from people.

During the weeks we got closer I never wanted to run away as I usually did. I just wanted you around, I wanted to hold your big hands in mine and touch and remember each and every spot and scar on them. I wanted to get lost in your eyes and find every facette of smiles and frowns in them.

I don’t have to be superwoman around you. I can be the goofy, silly, crazy, weird, screwed and crippled and wounded me around you and you still think I’m the most gorgeous girl in the world. Even when I know I look horrible and when my hair is wet because we both forgot to take an umbrella when it was raining cats and dogs and I had to borrow some of your sisters clothes that don’t look good on me at all and my makeup is messed – even then I can tell from the looks you give me while having dinner with your crazy family that you love me and I love all the little things about you – that you keep a bible next to your bed and actually mark the sentences you like.

The evening your mom told me that I was something special to you – I can’t describe how that felt. I don’t find the right words to tell you how my heart stopped for more than just a moment and how my eyes got wet with tears of joy and how butterflies start flying in my tummy whenever I think of you, or hear your voice, or am around you.

The day we were at that party and secretly held hands underneath the table cause we still weren’t official though everyone knew what was going on between us and how you gently stroke my hand was one of the greatest days I’ve ever had.

The time we went to the cinema with my parents and had ice-cream at mcdonald’s after and I didn’t have to play a role made me realize how well you actually know me.

I’ll never forget the day I realized that I’d fallen in love with you after we had been friends for almost two years…that it had taken me two years to finally allow those feelings to take control over me….

And what I love so much is that being in love with you doesn’t make me love crazy…it doesn’t make me go through the horrible ups and downs of the usual “love me, love me not”-game. There’s just that warm feeling, like a wave that goes through my body from head to toe when you’re near, and the confidence that I can rely on you no matter what happens.

By giving me the confidence to be weak around you you have made me feel more superwoman-like than any guy before you, and never have I felt such a strong love as I do for you.

Thank you for being my superman.

With all the love I have to give, S...

I wish all the le love readers that you’ll experience these feelings as well… there’s nothing more beautiful in the world, and you all deserve it.
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