Sunday, December 2, 2012

the friend card

Selfportrait
ph: Nevena Popovic

My love story is ridiculous, and after a year and a half, it finally ended. No, my boyfriend didn't break up with me. No, my almost lover didn't dump me. No, my sex-buddy didn't leave me. But the only boy I've truly ever loved, my best friend, hurt me. Let me down. Broke my heart for the first time ever.

It all started at a Christmas party with friends. He was my other best friend's ex, but they weren't together when we had met and I therefore didn't pay attention to his existence... until that night. We sat on that couch and talked for hours about what he wanted out of life and what he planned to do with his career; we talked about what I was getting into at school and what I hoped my future held. I didn't think much about him for about a week until we find ourselves together again at a chick-fil-a sandwiched with another couple. We stood in the parking-lot for another hour after and talked. I knew then that he was different and that my heart had been waiting for him.
After that night we became practically inseparable. He'd pick me up after work and we'd go eat dinner, go to movies, and everything else in the universe that was coupley... except for becoming a couple. I finally sucked it up and told him how I felt to have him tell me he just wanted to be friends. Okay, I could handle that. Too bad we went about two months not speaking to and avoiding each other like the plague. But we finally found ourselves back to each other and became closer than ever, and more complicated than ever. It wasn't until last November that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had fallen head-over-heels in love with him. It was the most incredible and suffocating feeling I'd ever felt in my entire life. I wasn't used to caring so strongly for any guy and it terrified me, but I let it go and just kept acting normal.

Fast-forward six months. After a million conversations with both my friends and FAMILY telling me that he was in love with me I got fed up. Why the hell does he get to act the way he does and make me feel the way I do, and then when the "big question" comes up he can throw the friend card down and get away with it?! It's ridiculous. The boy has taken me to meet his family, my family has taken him on vacation with us, he threw me a surprise birthday party, calls and texts me all the time... Like, seriously? Seriously?!

I took a last stab at telling how I felt last month. He didn't say much about it except that he didn't want it to affect our friendship, and yet continued to lead me on and treat me just like his girlfriend and made complete strangers question our "friend" status. It all got to be too much. And I knew that something was up this week when he didn't call. Didn't text. Didn't facebook. Nothing. He'd spent all week with our other two close friends. Girls; girls that knew all my deepest secrets and feelings about him. They told him how I REALLY felt. That I was in love with him. They TOLD HIM. Some friends, huh? He told me this afternoon that he didn't want to do anything alone anymore. No more dinners together. No more movies. No more coupley things that didn't involve other people. Other people being our two friends. How coincidental. He no longer wants to hang out with our married friends because that sends a "wrong idea" to me.

Needless to say I've never cried so hard in all my life. Not only have I lost my closest friends and confidants, I have also lost my first true love because as immature as it sounds, I'm done. I'm done with feelings so hurt and confused and let down. Done; I'm done.

Thank you for listening to my story.
-t.g.

14 comments:

  1. Your story sure is a wild one. But everything happens for a reason: the fact that you found out your friends weren't true was bound to come out soon, and now you know not to involve them in the rest of your life. You finally learned the fact that he has too many problems with himself to let you in. And it takes a whole lot of adversity to come out strong.

    Keep your head up, this will help you in your future

    http://loveandsomeverses1.blogspot.com

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  2. a similar thing happened to me except he just decided to stop talking to me. it was sudden. the slow fade didn't even occur. he just disappeared. the hard part was, this happened twice to me with two different guy friends at two different points of my life.

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  3. Maybee your friends just did that because they didn't want this to keeping going on, meaning you falling more in love with him and him leading you on. They needed to do this for you to finally realize it was enough. You're going to need someone because you can't deal with this alone so try not to push them away if they are your true friends.

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  4. Friends dont do that. Keep ur head up

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  5. It may sound silly, but I also lived the same story. Although at first we were best friends, then he wanted to be with me but I didn't, and then I wanted it too. So we went together to Spain (I thought it would be the next "step") and guess what he found girlfriend. Now I lost not only my first love but also my best friend. Now we can't speak to each other, but I still have hope that someday maybe we could be friends. Just friends. That's all I want right now.

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  6. Hm, sorry to say but I would guess that he is gay! Loves you as a friend and seems to hang out a lot with girls? My best male friend is gay and it sounds exactly like our relationship.. Take care xx

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  7. I have a fantastic news about the spell cast in wiseindividualspell@gmail.com: it is working, only 3dayss after he started it all. Never in my life have I thought magic would work so fast. My man is acting completely different now and we are making love everyday (last weekend, we did it 8 times in total!). Now I can say that your spells work! Thank you a million times!

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  8. People come, people go – they’ll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past!!!!

    Brilliant quote by Nicholas Sparks something to think about!!

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  9. This is so beautiful.

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  10. you can't shut out your emotions because your so called best friend broke your heart.
    the 'friend' card is hard to understand and boys claim they don't know they are leading you on when for us girls, everything they DO is leading us on.

    If you told him where you stand and he didn't feel the same way, then he was keeping you around until he found better. So pick up the pieces of your heart and keep on walking.. there will be someone who WILL feel the same way and love you the way you deserve to be!

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  11. {going through this right now. needed to hear that others know what i know tonight. thank you. brave.}

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