Friday, December 21, 2012

i love her

ph: Vañuska

I have met someone, and as my fingers dance across these keys she is laying in a hospital bed. I am 102.93 miles away and can do nothing to help her. Since I cannot be with her, I will write about her. Anything to occupy my worried mind. I fell for her the moment her cold fingers ran down my ribcage hidden beneath a t-shirt. I fell asleep on her shoulder and she did not wake me. Months separated us but she rarely left my thoughts, she always crept in. Winter came and when I came home she was one of the first people I saw, we smoked cigarettes in a white van behind a church at 4 o'clock in the morning. Everything was so pure, she told me that all she wanted was for me to be happy. I would lay in bed and wait patiently next to my phone, silently begging it to make any noise indicating I was on her mind. We sat in my car and she kissed my hand while I contemplated my current situation. Not kisses of lust, but kisses of comfort and support. She never crossed the line but very carefully teetered on it. While the end of one came, we began. At first in secret, just leg nudges under a table at a crowded restaurant. Then on the dawn of the New Year worried glances from my parents formed words. We left because I could not stand to be home. We spent the New Year together, I remember best through the pictures. Two days later was my birthday and she laid pink roses into my hands, my weakness. I was called home and forced to confront the words from my parents lips that I was choosing to avoid. Threats, tears, screams. Repeat. It was my birthday. She picked me up and I sank into the leather seats inside her car. She read me words from a piece of line-less white paper that she scribbled down during work. "I want to fight for you but our battle is undefined" I cried, she told me it was beautiful. Days turned to weeks and she refused to confront the separation we would soon have to face. It was all kept inside until one night she screamed and cried, I had never seen her cry. It was beautiful. We laid in a hotel bed and she whispered that she loved me. She is gone now, 102.93 miles away. I find myself laying in bed waiting impatiently for my phone to make a noise but not a noise notifying me that I am on her mind. A noise that notifies me that she is alive and well.
I love her.
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