Sunday, September 16, 2012

never risk losing his friendship

ph: weheartit

Longing for a hug has never made me feel like this before. It just seems to me incredibly pathetic to put a smile upon my face just by remembering his full name. To see those letters standing one behind another composing the word I love to see the most seems to give my heart a new rhythm, a new beating compass, something faster than anything I’ve ever seen. And I couldn’t feel any sillier than I already do, especially because all of these emotions are just so not meant to be felt.

Waking up to a bright new day has another meaning. It means I’m six hours behind on his schedule, it means I’m six hours late; It’s almost as if I’d been wasting time while I was asleep. Going to bed at 10pm doesn’t mean I’m going to bed early, means that I made him stay up till 4am, that I got him tired and if he doesn’t get a proper night of sleep, it’s gonna be my fault, without a doubt. Still, it feels so right trading days over nights just so I can see him typing silly things and wishing me better days when I say I’m going through bad times.

Such a friendship. Something that I’ve never had with anyone near me I now have with someone who lies thousands of miles away. It’s so weird to feel my cheeks automatically compressed in a corky smile whenever I see the little window show up warning me he’s online. How bad is that? I mean, how the hell did I ever become this dependent of someone who’s not even here? How could I ever let myself nourish a feeling for a being who’s most likely to never feel my touch and give me his touch in return? I just feel like the clock’s ticking, I’m frozen in time and I can’t do anything to make this ever work. My hands are tied, and it’s not like we can risk it all over a feeling which may go away somewhere between ‘Hello’ and ‘Goodbye’. Though I'm sure this feeling's not going anywhere.

The worst is not being able to say that. I gotta keep it to myself, all these crazy emotions that keep driving me insane at night. I’d never risk losing his friendship over a stupid misplaced ‘I like you and I want to know if you like me too’. Sometimes it hurts me knowing that if I keep talking to him I’ll never be free of this desire of being with him, being by his side.

And I really wouldn’t be surprised to find out I love him.

As a matter of fact, I already do.


  1. Though technology relationships can be enthralling, nothing will ever compare to interacting with people in the flesh: mingling with people I could see, touch, and connect with in real time. When you log off of the computer, you log into real life.

    I wrote more about this topic here:

  2. Pretty sure that he's feeling something too. Sometimes you just have to go for it.

    1. I wish i fought for him, even after he crossed oceans to be where i am. But I was too scared with a fear so deep he may never understand. i regret it. i wish i couldve told him how much he meant to me.

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  4. hello,
    i know exactly what you are talking about, just that i was the one who stayed up all night to talk to `my man` all night!
    i had until recently a long distance relationship from europe to new york. i think you get to know someone way better over talking all night then sometimes seeing people in flesh! because you spend so much time just talking you learn more about the person, his dreams his childhood his believes..... it feels safer to be honest sometimes.
    So i really understand your feelings completely and did go for a relationship and for the first time in years i was really really happy with a man, i thought i found my man....
    so i was even more devastated when it fell appart because one thing you should never forget, man need their women at their side more then we women need the man right next to us as long as he is in our heart ..... So if you don´t or he doesn´t find a way through a job to move close to each other, the relationship will not work! its also hard to make some one move for you and leave everything behind for a relationship which never got tested before!
    i can not tell you what would be the best to do, but i have a lot of friends but i only want one person who wants me completely .....
    i hope this helps a bit, reading yours did help me ....
    thank you

  5. a couple of months ago i wrote a similar text to le love, who got published two months ago or so. exactly two weeks later the guy i was reffering to said that he liked me. now he has moved here (before he lived three hours away) and everything just feels right.

    what i'm trying to say is: go for it! don't sit there and do nothing, i PROMISE that you will regrett it. he won't be mad at you for liking him. i'm sure he feels the same (otherwise you wouldn't have those feelings in the first place) i know how hard it is. i know how much your heart says: TELL HIM NOOOOW! and your brain refuses, and that battle is nearly impossible to fight. let your heart deside your way through. love

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  8. I was in the same situation. I went for it and discovered that his feelings matched mine. And though this gave me more hope for a long distance relationship, he maintained that this was not a possibility. Having something so close, yet so out of reach is tough, and it hurt. Do I regret fighting for it? Never. There's always a chance things can work out and this chance is always worth taking.

    Things will get messy, but it's worth it.

  9. I feel exactly the same way. I love you sooooo much!!!!
    Still don't understand why you left

  10. friendship is very important. and he feels with the same way; I love you frined
    nice article.
    Serious Dating

  11. i just felt that i wrote what i just read.
    i know and i've convinced myself that i'm not in love. And i mean it when i say that i am not in love with him but i truly love him with all my heart. He is my best friend, living miles away and maybe he never really thinks about me. Maybe our friendship got stuck in the past and so many things happened or didn't happened that maybe we never really recovered from it.
    The only thing i know is that even though it hurts really bad to be the only one trying to save this friendship, i'll never quit. I can't quit on people and i will never quit him. My best friend.
    i know one day it will all work out, and when it comes to your situation i know it will work out too. Wait and you'll see.

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