Thursday, September 13, 2012

i'm happier without you

Untitled
ph: heddaselder

our pen & ink romance, strung out along years and days and dreams, so hopelessly one-sided. a delicate web held together by poignant moments of reciprocity tenuous and delicious, a walk through the field reminds me of your sweet face soft voice and strong wire frame. what i have left is something missing. a box of old letters, almost no photographs, one collection of songs, and the memory of one weekend spent with you in the frosty barn in November, watching the universe spin above our heads through the skylight window. trampling fields of dry soybeans, my hand warm in your pocket, in ecstasy, and curling together to keep our heat from escaping. holding onto evasive moments of bliss that seep away as quickly as the warmth left my skin after we made love in the icy november night air. you were my lover, but you never loved me.

i'm happier without you. more focused. less tortured. but i can not forget the feeling of your fingertips trailing the length of my spine, the aquiline curve of your roman nose, the seriousness of those eyes, never quite the same color, or your stony silence. a creeping divide wedging me away from you. i wanted you to be a part of my world, only for a moment, but we were always together on borrowed time. i obliterated myself in my work for a year, trying not to think of you, but even though i obliterated myself, i've never been able to obliterate you. i want to no longer long for you. what i long for now is your eternal absence. i'd like to never again think of your name, your face, your beautiful hands. and i never want to see you again. ever.

19 comments:

  1. i want to no longer long for you. what i long for now is your eternal absence. i'd like to never again think of your name, your face, your beautiful hands. and i never want to see you again. ever.

    this. i long for this too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think there's many of us who do.

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    2. shut up. just shut up.

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  2. Forgive. Forget. Move on.
    Everything's gonna be alright !

    ReplyDelete
  3. such an incredible piece of writing. such a beautiful mind. thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I wish I had never met him..Life wouldve been so much easier if I never did. ''i want to no longer long for you. what i long for now is your eternal absence. i'd like to never again think of your name, your face, your beautiful hands. and i never want to see you again. ever. ''

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. if you long for him, why don't you just call him

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  5. wow, amazing writing.

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  6. Beautifully written...enough said

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  7. Such a beautiful piece of writing.

    I felt it so much,
    It seems to me you are strong about your decision and it was the right choice
    I hope love comes your way,
    But only I you want it :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow, someone read my thoughts exactly, espescially, the line which says "I never want to see you again." THIS SPEAKS TO ME, LOUD AND CLEAR! This made my day, night, afternoon and entire year. No, it made my decade!!! Thank you Soo much! Thank you, thank you thank you. Thank you for givIng me what I needed to say party's over!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you sound a bit bitter. maybe you should look into that.

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  9. Thank you thank you thank you! This speaks to ME! These words make my day, no better, they make my decade! I'm free finally. Praise the Lord and thank you to certain writers who made this blog possible.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  11. Had a bad day, better, not bitter. Exaggeration.

    ReplyDelete

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