Tuesday, September 4, 2012

i hope i can trust you

ph: Michelle.Blades.

Am I a horrible person?

I was happy with our relationship before because I knew you liked me more than I liked you. I had the power. I was grateful for the fact that if you changed your mind and wanted to back out, I would not be crushed like I have been in the past. I knew that I could be adored by you without even having to try. I liked you because of the attention you gave me, and the lack of effort I had to make. It was so easy.

But petty weeks turned into great months and I found that I have fallen for you. I love your crazy hair. I love your effortless optimism. I love how you are so self-assured, but also the least cocky person I know. I love that you trust me with your heart, even though it has been tossed aside in the past. I wish it was still so easy.

I pray to god that you are a better person than I am. I hope that you don't realize that I relinquished all my power to you. You now have that sovereignty that I was so fond of. You have the potential to break me, and I have never been so fucking terrified. I have been broken before so please please please be more responsible and kind with my heart than I was with yours.

It doesn't have to be this power struggle. It's like that one trust game at camp where everyone would stand in a circle. Then, slowly, we would all sit on the person behind us so that the entire circle was supported by ourselves. Neither of us need the power. There is no supremacy when we both throw in our hearts and our trust.

I know you trusted me, even when you shouldn't have. I hope I can trust you, even though I know I already should.



  2. I feel like this is something many people can relate to. There is almost always a unequal division of power in relationship. By power, I mean exactly what this post says - it's unfortunate, but very true. What a very thoughtful post.

  3. oh my goodness, this is the most relatable piece of writing that I have read in a long time, amazing xxx

  4. That circle trust thing seems like an interesting game that I want to try. I love this.

  5. You have the potential to break me, and I have never been so fucking terrified.
    I've just blogged about this very same feeling.
    I feel you!

    ❤Not Just My Allegories❤

  6. This speaks to me.

  7. Love this post! when you have a doub you can ask away...

  8. Power games are for those unable to love.

  9. You wrote my thoughts,and you write so well.
    Love to read you...
    I'll be here many times i'm sure.

  10. Superb! Haven't blogged for a long time and this is the first post I have read. Keep on posting. <3

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