Friday, August 31, 2012
will you actually try...
ph: Among Dreams
Let's go back to the beginning. It was quite unexpected you see, you and I. You had your eyes on me even while I was in a 3 year relationship. Things didn't work out of course. You asked me out on dates, I refused. What can I say? I was afraid.. afraid of meeting someone new, afraid of trying once again, afraid of the pain that love brings. So who'd have guessed that after a year of not seeing each other that things would change?
It was a casual dinner. I thought of it as nothing more than hanging out. But yet, as the night wore on, that instant connection and chemistry was there. We ate, we talked, we laughed. There was such a comfortability between us.
As time wore on, our relationship progressed. My friends loved you, your friends loved me. Everything seemed right. Although there were kinks in our relationship, we tried to push through them. Maybe it was your lack of experience of being in a relationship. Who knows? All I do know is that I love you. But yet, something holds me back from being head over heels in love. I need that gentleness, I need someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me they love and miss me. Yet, you hold back. You say that you are not used to opening up about your emotions and that hurts. If you truly care about a person, all that should come second nature. Well at least to me it should. I feel my walls are back up.. and I hate that feeling. I want to move forward with you, with US, but yet I hold back. You told me the other day that I complete you. Yet, as those words spill from your mouth, I wonder if you complete me. I know what I want in life and I know what I want from the one I love. The questions in my mind eat at me everyday. Can you be the one to give that to me? Will actions speak louder than words? Will you actually try versus just saying that you will? Do I see myself with you for the rest of my life? Or have I simply made a mistake and once again will be left hurt from all the pain that love brings?