Wednesday, August 15, 2012

i'm a mess

Untitled
ph: David Sigfridsson

I’m a mess. A total mess because I’m in love with this man.

I’m at his place now, sitting on his sofa listening to Journey, his favorite band. He just drank his morning coffee and left for work. I was still in bed, but got up as soon as he locked the front door, because I couldn’t sleep.

I can never sleep nowadays. I can’t sleep or think or breathe or eat and it’s all because of him. He has got into my brain and my heart and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s been like this for a few months now and I’m trying to get used to it because I know it won’t stop until he’s mine. Or until he says he doesn’t want me and I’ll have to make a desperate try moving forward.

He’s that kind of man who lives on his own in a nice apartment downtown. He talks a lot, sings like some kind of god and got nothing in his refrigerator but soda, jam and two eggs in a box. His hair is curly and his eyes have got some indefinite gray-green color which I’m getting totally lost in every time he looks at me. Also, his smell is like a drug and, obviously, I’m totally obsessed with him.

The thing is he’s not interested in being in a relationship right now. He jokes and says it isn’t season for that at the moment. He hasn’t gotten over his ex, even though it’s been over a year since they broke up. And some days he’s got other girls coming over, sleeping over, just for fun I guess.

This is making me jealous. I’ve never before in my eighteen year old life been jealous. But then, I’ve never felt like this for anyone before neither. This man is different, and he is making me crazy. He is making me a mess, a total mess, and I will wait for him. Even if it’ll break me.

17 comments:

  1. He's playing you :( Don't wait for him, run now while you can xx

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  2. If he wont commit, don't give him the time of day.

    Carina xx

    http://carstina.blogspot.co.nz/

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  3. Do NOT wait. If he doesn't want to commit to you "right now", he never will. I'm sorry sweety but that's just how it is.

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  4. don't wait for him!!! if he'll love you he'll be with you right now, he's just jocking with you, and make you jealous with other girls. don't be so stupid and wait for him like he is the only man in the world. you are wasting youre time, and one man outthere is waiting for you to gave you as half as much that him.
    think about it before you roing youre life honey :)
    good luck :*

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  5. Run and find someone worth it. You're only into him because you can't have him. Trust me. In five years you'll look back and think, wow, I wasted all that time on him?

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  6. Wait for him and be a mess, it's a wonderful trauma and you'll meet someone whilst waiting. we all need these dramas. bonne chance xx

    www.socialconcierge.co.uk

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  7. My advise is DON'T WAIT FOR HIM, but you'll wait anyways, so enjoy this time because if you think this is driving you mad, you have no idea how much your gonna hurt at the end

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  8. I love your posts.

    Follow me: http://gahv.blogspot.com

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  9. yeah... being with him is a waste of time... If you don´t do nothing you´ll suffer more!!

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  10. Look, I have to say that this doesn't sound like the best situation. HOWEVER....since you're in love with him and, like others here have said before, you will probably do what you want anyway, my advice is to start distancing yourself from him. Not a terrible thing but just don't be so accessible to him all the time. If you have any hope of winning his heart here you have to get him to see what it is like without you in his life. Let him know you have options. Men often take the easy route. If he knows you're crazy about him he is having his cake and eating it ,too. He gets to play AND have the comfort of dependable you. Why would he want to change things, you know? SO give yourself space and do other things, hang out with friends and be just a bit more mysterious and difficult to obtain. Don't come every time he calls - have other plans. Remember that you are still a single,independent woman with creativity, options, a future, and with lots of love to share with someone worth it. Good luck! :)

    PS. Don't be a mess. Be strong, own your life, and realize that you are experiencing a level of love and there are many other women wishing they could have that love feeling in their lives right now. It's an experience in life to be happy about. :)

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  11. I was in the same situation as you. once. i heard all the time that he isn't still recovered from the previous girlfriend. but he kissed me all a time. sometimes he was cold, but when i told him i love him, he didn't run away. time was leaking, i was by his side, and he got used to me. he told me that he loved me before even he know it in his heart. now he can't love without me, he loves me and he realy care about me. give him some time. it won't be easy, but it's worth it.

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  12. Omfg,it sounds like my story at the moment and I know I'll get hurt and he will just keep living his life, but I miss him all the time and I know waiting for him is wrong, but it's so exciting and I love this time I spend with him. Difficult situation, but I know what you feel!

    M.

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  13. When you in love you'll do anything, you'll put him first no matter what. You forget about yourself and your own goals in life, you forget about what you use to want in life. Because you can't remember anymore what you are living for except for this man. It can get to the stage where you are trapped, you feel lost at what you are doing. To wait for this man, you are loosing yourself. I understand what it's like, it's better to be kind of with him than nothing at all. But I wish someone had told me in the early stages to run. To remember that I'm more important. To not let him suck the life out of me. To have my own strength, goals and independence. Because it takes a long time to get those back. When you finally realize that you've had enough, sometimes years down the track, you wish you could remember who you use to be before this. I know it's really hard but try and put yourself first even though you love this man. Don't be too helpless and weak, try and not be there when he thinks you will be there, though don't make it a game. Because he will always win.

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  14. Ha! I am completely in the same situation - down to the tee. I just think of it as if I'm enjoying myself, then to just take things as they come. You're young, this isn't gonna be how you live the rest of your life, as long as you're enjoying spending time with him, just live for the moment and enjoy the happiness!

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