Thursday, July 26, 2012

you might actually like me

ph: weheartit

i wanted to let you know how frustrating our situation is for me and that’s the safest way i can put it.

hah, see, i can barely put my feelings to words-- rather, i can’t put them in a way that you’d be comfortable with. we’ve had talks like this before, and i always have trouble getting to the point because i know that if i say something too intense or too emotional, you’ll shut yourself down. then everything after that would be like talking to a block of ice; you’d be melting away as i speak until there’s none of you left. just an empty space. and i hate that about us.

don’t get me wrong, every other aspect of whatever-it-is-we-have is fantastic. it’s almost like our lives were written out by Sarah Dessen; our relationship is a sappy, teen-romance novel. but that’s the thing. it isn’t quite that. i mean, it starts out with the cliché: you and i are two totally different people. you are quiet and shy. a man of few words. but, hey, when you start talkin’, things start to make sense. you make every word count. you think before you act. i, on the other hand, am loud and friendly. most people say i am the jolliest person they have ever met. i blurt out basically whatever comes to mind, in hopes that nobody will care ‘cause they’d be too fixated on my enthusiasm. similarly, i am rather impulsive. so we are completely opposite. but, somehow, we click.

we hang out two to three times every week. we stay on the phone for long periods of time. we send each other silly blurbs and inside jokes through text message. we hold hands. we cuddle. we spoon. kiss. we eat dinner at each other’s houses with each other’s family. we call each other adorable and cute. we’re there when one needs the other the most. we tell each other everything. we’re virtually best friends. how generic-couple are we?

the answer is not at all.

if we were a generic couple, we’d be fine right now. i’d be fine right now. sure, we’d have our ups and downs, but like every good Sarah Dessen book, we’d find a way to figure it out. but how can you figure something out if you don’t even put any effort to it? we don’t acknowledge the problem, let alone try to solve it. you must be thinking, “nothing’s wrong. this chick’s insane. we’re totally fine.” see, i used to think so, until now. it’s been building up for a year and i can’t stand it. i may be insane. i don’t know. but here goes:

the problem is that we are not dating.

because you said you don’t like me that way. no matter how many times we adventure or chill in each other’s houses. no matter how much you hate the phone and still insist on talking on it with me. no matter how hard you try to make me smile on the rare occasions when i’m down. no matter how many times you tell me how smooth my hand is and how it fits perfectly into yours. no matter how much you initiate each embrace, each kiss. no matter how much our parents think we’re getting married. no matter how much you stare at me lovingly. no matter how many times you’ve been there when i’ve needed a ride home, or am scared, or have had an asthma attack. no matter how much you share with me that you don’t share with anyone else. no matter how close we’ve become. you still say that you. don’t. like. me. that. way.

and i don’t get it.

because today, i heard you say you love me. clearly. when you thought i wouldn’t hear.
and when i asked, you denied it.

the problem is, i don’t know where i stand.
the problem is, i don’t get why you won’t just accept the fact that you might
actually like me.


  1. Wow, he obviously cares. Maybe he is superstitious about love? Some people don't know how to admit the fact. I hope you get it figured out because it sounds like you have something special.....even if it is a little strange. :) Love is crazy sometimes. Good luck! :)

  2. If he doesn't like you, he's an asshole, but if he does, he's kind of coward, a sweet one.
    Cause how can he tell you "your hand fits perfect into mine", when he dosn't love you. Ore even like you in that way...
    How could it be possible, that he kisses & hugs you, though he knows your feelings ?!
    How about you talk to him, telling him all those things. Asking him how he can do such things to you, when he doesn't like you. Just tell him that it's hurting you. That you can't keep up with it and that you will have to stop feeling in a special way about him, if he won't do anything.
    And maybe you will truely have to if he doesn't change his behavior. You see, you're a good person and you deserve love like everyone on this planet, so if nothing happens, well, don't give up, but maybe try to make clear that you won't be able to keep such a relationship up forever.

    I'm sorry, I might be no help at all... but I wish you to be happy, even without him.

  3. I understand completely where you stand. And yet I still don't understand it at all. Terrible situation to be in, and I'm sorry. I hope you can work it out. xx

  4. I think he's waiting for you to say "I love you," first. I also think that he's just too afraid to lose you or maybe he's really insecure about himself right now, and that's what stopping both of you from entering a relationship. Maybe if you're just blunt with him, and tell the honest truth straight-forward, then he may see how much potential you two have together.

  5. Omg! I totally understand this girl, I think he might be afraid of falling in love and then suffer. As the anonymous has said, I THINK YOU SHOULD TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM. Good Luck!
    PS: I love the image!

  6. To be blunt--if he loves you and wants to be with you forever and ever and ever and do all of those Sarah Dessen things (and thanks for the flashback to junior high when I was very obsessed with all things Dessen!)he needs to man up, pull his balls out, and BE your boyfriend. You need to have a flat out non-evasive conversation because keeping you in this "where do I stand" limbo is unhealthy and frankly, you deserve better. If he wants you, he'll come get you if you walk away. And if he doesn't, you're walking toward a great guy who will =)

  7. It sounds like this very nice guy has managed to get all of the perks of being in a relationship without the difficult efforts of a relationship.

  8. I udnerstand exactly what you are talking about.. i am in the same situation and have been there for 9 months now.. when it's good it's really REALLY good, but then comes a low and you start to wonder.. "Is it, is HE really worth is or shall i just give up now before he completly breaks my heart?"

  9. love letter:

    no two peron is alike,but been in a relationship is trying to compromise and understanding each others needs..

  10. Darling, the only way for him to realise is to give him space, and leave temporarily. Ignore his phone calls, avoid seeing him etc. If he's worth it he'll realise he can't be without you. He can't get all this love without commitment. So step aside, give him space and I promise he'll come back; that's if he's not an ass . Don't be scared of losing him either by ignoring him, someone only deserves your all when they're worthy of it. If he's worthy of it he'll realise and commit, if he doesn't come back and goes along with it you need to move on

  11. I understand this girl. She only need to give the boy space and let he thinking. But not to long

  12. hes afraid of loosing you and what you have cause its so strong and putting a label on it probably scares him.. but if i was you and its soo hard too do but i would go away for a girls weekend or a week no contact girls holiday away or something make him miss you crazy then when you get back speak but still keep your distance make him realise and he will.. or plain a trip over seas show heaps on independence boys love it and realise i lot when girls show indepence.

  13. You have to be strong and give him some space, if he really care about you, he will understand you. He need to think what he really wants

  14. Your situation is so frustrating, you know the guys like you even love you but he strongly denies it. Maybe he's scared to fall, to be in love. That's why he's even denying it to his self. When he said he doesn't like you after all of the things he does for you, it is him he's convincing not you. Maybe give him a little more time because he's such a nice guy.


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