Sunday, July 1, 2012

who is the one i love?

tell me your dream
ph: Jaqueline Porfírio

All readers of Le Love, I really need help. I'm so confused with my own emotions. Please everyone, give me your opinion on this.

5 years ago, I loved John so much. Half a year later, he broke my heart. He tried to make up for it for another 2.5 years but I could never forget how badly he treated me before. I forgave him, but I really couldn't forget the times he made me cry, hurled vulgarities at me and turned his back on me. So after being with him for 3 years, I broke his heart.

Months later I got together with this new guy, Ron. John broke off all contact with me then. He just disappeared. Ron was a nice guy, at first. Despite that, John constantly lurked at a corner of my mind. I always wondered what he was doing, how he was and stuff like that. Stuff that I shouldn't be thinking off. Gradually Ron showed his true colours... His attitude, his bad temper... Everything. I was upset too. Who would like being mistreated..? I gave him chances, gave him nearly a year to change. I waited and waited.

A year later, John suddenly shows up to pick me up from my lessons. I saw him. My heart pounded faster. I smiled without knowing why. I wanted to run to him and hug him. It's weird to describe it, but he smelt so familiar. And Ron... We quarreled one last time, and we broke off. I told him I'd give him a week to change and if he succeeded I'd be with him again. The deadline is reaching. He hasn't changed. John wants me back. So does Ron. I want to be with John, yet at the same time I feel so unhappy. I feel so unhappy that I have to hurt Ron. I'm so afraid that he'll feel depressed. My heart aches for him. I don't want John sad either. I love both of them yet who is the one?

Why am I contradicting myself? So you see... I really do need help... Who is the one I love?

- Lynni

43 comments:

  1. choose none. Obviouly you need a solo time. To grow up and find yourself, and dont settle with this two horrible options

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  2. Well, I would break it off with Ron, for sure. Because he obviously is not going to change. You have given him a year already. Plus, the entire time you kept thinking of John so, I don't feel,( and I suspect you agree )that you ever completely let go of John the entire time you were with Ron. I feel that in your heart you want John. As for John I would proceed slowly, very slowly. You don't need to settle. Good luck and lots of love. :)

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  3. i completely agree. dont get back together with either of them. you deserve better

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  4. John..just forgive him! Let the past go and try starting over

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  5. I say you need to choose you. (As lame as that sounds). You need time off from both of these guys - they were both bad for you. You deserve someone better, and they will only come along if you let go of both Ron and John.

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  6. I've been through a similar situation. In the end I chose to be with the first guy. That was the best decision I've ever made and we are happier than ever before.

    But no one can decide for you. You have to listen to your heart. Don't forget that. No matter who you choose or if you feel like letting both of them go I'm sure it will the right decision for you.

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  7. someone who really loves you,
    would never make you cry,

    stay single for a while,

    don't let no one use you.

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  8. I totally agree, they both sound bad for you.
    Choose you and stay single!

    Good luck.

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  9. When you love two boys at the same time, the first one wasn't good enough for you, otherwise you wouldn't have turned to the second one.

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  10. In my opinion, you love John, because he was your first one and during these years you still kept thinking about him.
    You said he hurt you, but then you were both younger and didn't know what you want from your life, I think that things have changed now, are they?

    Just think where do you see your life in 5, 10 years and then decide what would it be with John or Ron.

    Good luck!

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  11. Despite that you might love both of them, it's better to just forget them!

    Ron isn't right for you due to the way he acted up, and besides if you're dating one person but secretly wishing you were with somebody else, then that’s a problem. Regardless, if you are constantly (or even frequently) wishing you were dating a different person, then that’s a sure-fire sign that your current relationship is not all it should be.

    John on the other hand treated you terribly, and for that reason it's better to just simply start over.

    Good luck!

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  12. Choose none!
    Stay for a small period alone to clear your mind and move on.
    You will find someone who suits you better.

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  13. Choose none! You need time to take care of and love yourself. I think some time alone will really help you gain clarity and help you see what it is you really want. What you have is a history with both guys that doesn't sound too great so what you need is a chance to recuperate from both guy.

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  14. You definitely should choose neither. Reasons:
    1) If either was the love of your life, your heart would make this decision easy
    2) John mis-treated you
    3) Ron mis-treated you
    4) Sounds like your life is too dramatic for your own good! Take time and be single and have fun, don't worry about them. If they REALLY want to be with you, they wouldn't have to wait for you to set deadlines.

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  15. love hurts. if you choose to stay alone for now, you will meet someone in the future and you will get hurt. that's a fact. love isn't easy, sometimes you forgive people but that doesn't mean you forget what they did, it just means that you love that person enough to think that it is worth fighting and moving on. and if john is always in your mind and if you are always in his mind, it maybe the right thing. you guys just need a fresh start because when you can't move on with your life because of someone, he must be the one for you.

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  16. Nobody can tell you who you love, that's up to you to decide. If both of them make you unhappy, maybe neither of them is the right one and you just need to be alone for a while. From what I understand, you're always in a long relationship, maybe you just need some time to figure out what you need from a guy.

    People don't change, you can't just give them ultimatums and hope for the best, it doesn't work that way. You're supposed to change gradually in a relationship, so that you complete each other the way you both need it. But mostly, you make compromises and accept the other person's bad habits and attitudes.

    If you can't get John out of your head, it's clear to me that it isn't over. Maybe he's changed in the time that you haven't talked.

    I would try being alone for a few months and talk to both of them, keep it somewhat friendly. If they both want you back, they will try to be there for you and give you what you need. You will understand then who's the right one. If there is a right one.

    I hope you find happiness in the end!
    All the best,
    L

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  17. I think it's seems clear to me who you've already chosen. You did chose John. You said (wrote) it yourself; "I want to be with John, yet at the same time I feel so unhappy."

    I understand it's hard to hurt someone. And even harder when it's somebody you love and care for. But at the same time - you would only be hurting yourself if you stayed with Ron. The idea of John & you sounds best in your head, doesn't?

    Truth is... somebody is going to be hurt. Either it's John or Ron. But for your own sake - choose John for the reason to not hurt yourself the most.

    Good luck with everything! :)

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  18. I don't know what to say.. If you really should pick one - you should pick John. But then again: is it worth to start all over with a guy who broke your heart and disappeard? I don't know what I would do if it was up to me. I just hope you will be happy at the end - with Ron, John or with someone else. It's always more fishes in the sea you know..

    :-)

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  19. I know exactly how you feel. My first boyfriend treated me terribly, then fantastic, then terribly. We broke up two years ago and I met someone new. I never managed to get over my ex, but this does NOT mean that John is the right for you. Your first love is special exactly because it is your first love, not necessarily because he is "the one". You have already tried with him, you gave him many years. I gave my ex FOUR years after he did cheated on me, but he never changed, it never got better, and most of all; I never forgot. They say that going back to an old love is like reading a book which you already know how ends, and that is true. You would not have broken it off if it was right with John, you would not have fallen in love again. Also, Ron treats you as bad as John did, it seems, and when you feel you have to choose between them, it is obvious that you should choose noone. I did, and it was hard in the beginning, but now I am so happy! The past half year has been AMAZING, I have "found myself" again, lived my own life, experienced soooo much and all my friends say I am a completely different, much more light, bright and happy person now than with my exes.
    Make your own choice, but if you have such huge difficulty making it, I think you know too that the choice is already made, you are just scared to go through with it.

    Best of luck ! :)

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  20. I hate decisions too .. but you need to listen to your heart ..
    Good luck <3

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  21. I understand were you are coming from and maybe I am not the best person to tell you what to do about your love life but here is my two cents:
    You have to find out if John has changed and matured to the state that you are at. Since I would think that the same problems as before would arise. Also I would recommend that you pay close attention to yourself and your reactions because while he makes you smile still he will possibly hurt you again if you hurt him. And he may not want to but end up reacting that way. Trust me, people sometimes need enormous amounts of time to grow out of it. Ron sounds like he would be better off without you though since he has that temper.
    Finally it would help a lot if you just discussed all of your feeling with both of them, insecurities and all would really be good because if you want to spend your life with any man you need to be able to talk to them about any bad thing that happens to you whether it includes them as a part of the problem or not.
    I really hope that whatever you choose you end up happier because of it, either immediately or in the long run because everybody should be happy.

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  22. considering how you've been thinking about john for such a long time after you broke up i think you should either be with him or go your own way. it might be a good idea to be alone for a while and tell john that you need to clear your head and if you feel after that alone time that you still want to be with him, then give it another try. when it comes to ron, i don't think that relationship would last in the end considering how often you've thought about someone else and considering you already broke it off once..

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  23. If you really loved one of them you would know. Do you have to be with one of them ?

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  24. "I want to be with John" you said it.

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  25. If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn't have fallen for the second.
    That's what Johnny said. To my mind, you should stay on your own for a while ... cause both of them don't seem to be worth suffering for.

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  26. follow your heart, ALWAYS!

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  27. flip a coin and decide which one is head and tails and when you flip the coin your heart will tell you which one it hopes for :) Good luck

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  28. I think that, if you really read what you just wrote, you will know who to choose.
    You never forgot John and your worry about Ron, is that you do not want to hurt him.
    Go by your heart. I think that, for what you wrote, you already know the answer, but is just scared to really try.

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  29. if you're not sure which one you really want, chose none. True love will reveal itself easily and when it's time, you will be so very sure. stay single for a while.

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  30. I will say something from which I think you don't want to hear: If you "love" two men, you don't love any of them really. So don't try to have something you can't or don't try to get a picture of John and Ron in your mind which simply isn't reality. But what's the most important: Listen to your heart! I always keep saying: There will come a time, a moment when something happenes and you simply now what's the right choice. So keep waiting and I'm sure everything will be fine soon.

    Love, B.

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  31. I think that when someone gets stuck in your head, it means that you have unfinished business with them. This doesn't mean that you have to go back to John but it seems like you miss him, or that you need an apology to move on. I agree that you probably need some alone-time, but on the other hand I would regret it terribly if I just let go of John if I were you. My advice is that you should treat him like a friend for a while so you get to know him again, to see if he has changed. If not, let him go or maybe you guys can be friends instead! It all depends on how you feel and how he treats you now.
    And yeah, Ron seems like an insecure guy who doesn't know how to treat a lady. Ditch him!

    Hope it all goes well!

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  32. Hey. Reading this was pretty much just replaying my life.
    I had the exact same thing happen.
    What I needed to learn was that I couldn't change people. As much as I wanted to, they were going to stay themselves.
    You need to worry about your own feelings this time around and not on his.
    It's a hard lesson to learn, trust me. But it needs to be done.
    You need to trust that he will be ok and just move on.

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  33. Jaqueline! Don´t put yourself in this position... It´s better to deny both of them, and try to relax... after you do that you´ll know what´s the right choice... putting pressure in this kind of this is a terrible thig to do... Good luck

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  34. Instead of choosing between the two guys, you need TIME to HEAL yourself first before entering a relationship again. Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely.

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  35. Neither. Run away from both and be solo for some time. Looks like you are afraid to be alone but it is not as dangerous as you think. Think of the freedom you get.

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  36. none of them deserve you sweets...move on...its going to be hard and you may feel so alone and lost...but why would you want either of them when all they do is turn around and hurt you verbally and emotionally. "be bold and might forces will aid you" basil king

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  37. thats a really hard situation because you love them both.
    u just gotta follow ur heart tho.

    theres a quote that says....
    when you cant decide flip a coin. not because the coin will choose for you but because in that split second youll know which side you want it to land on.

    so ya thats a way of saying follow your heart and go with ur gut feeling. it seems to me that would me going for john but i cant say that

    what i would suggest is take time off from both and dont rush ur decision. but if thats not what u wanna do then dont worry about their feelings cuz think about it this way. iif you were in their shoes and u knew that ur gf was not into u then would u stilll wanna b with them?? probly not right?

    so ya u gotta put urself first in this situation

    theres also the option of waiting for someone else. especially if u dont feel like youre being treated right. theres other fish in the sea :)

    good luck!!

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  38. you can be contradicting yourself a bit... When it comes to choose, it's always like that, don't worry ;)

    But, even contradicting yourself, reading your words I feel like you really love John :)

    that's my sincer opinion :)

    the best of luck to you and I really really hope that you will feel loved very soon and forever and ever :)

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  39. Maybe John wants you because he knows he can't have you. Breaking up with Ron to be with John gives John a certain power over you. Ditch Ron and then see how John is with you. If he really loves you, he will wait until you are ready for him.

    Give it some time (at least a few weeks!), hang out as friends rather than adding pressure by entering into a relationship straight away.
    Talk about the past, talk about what he did, talk about what you did, and apologise to each other.
    Take it from there. If you can both apologise to each other, and close the chapter on this past stuff then you could start considering a relationship.

    If you can't truly forgive each other, then every little tiny argument that would happen in your new relationship would explode into the past being dragged up again as a weapon for each of you to use against each other.
    And in this case, consider just a friendship with him.
    Don't cut him out of your life, because you obviously care for each other to still have been thinking about each other all of this time.

    So don't worry, if you don't have a relationship, you could end up having a blossoming friendship instead :)

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    Replies
    1. I forgot to add, I'm going through the exact thing, that's why I was so inspired to leave the comment.

      Me and my ex were together 5 years ago too, for 2 years , but I broke up with him because i wasn't being treat exactly how I deserved to be (he started hanging out with some new male friends who were pushing him to be single, and acted really crass around me which he never stood up too).
      We didn't speak for 8 months.
      I was in a new relationship with a rebound who was exactly like what you described Ron to be.
      I broke it off. And so after 8 months of breaking up with my ex, we got back in touch, and hung out as friends. But I still loved him. And he still loved me. But we were too stubborn to admit it.
      Despite being broken up, we broke each others hearts.
      He did something bad, and I did something bad.
      He made me feel bad about myself, and I crushed him.
      When he rang me drunk to discuss getting back together, he told me he was actually seeing a girl, and was horrible about her. It was wrong. I told him the bad thing I did, and he said he didn't want to get back together.
      I guess I broke his heart more than he broke mine.
      We didn't speak for a while again.
      He became official with the girl, and I moved on into a new relationship that became mentally abusive.
      We sent each other the odd text, so I knew he still cared, and he knew I still cared, but we didn't do anything about it.
      He moved away, and i thought that was it. But I knew if i ever really needed him, he would be there, and the same for him.

      6 months later, I asked him for help when I dropped my phone down the toilet (he used to work in a phone shop).
      And this brought us back together.
      He visited me, we had a great time, and we were honest with each other that we still liked each other.
      We apologised to each other for all the bad things we had ever done to each other. We forgave each other for everything.

      He invited me down for my 21st, and we celebrated our 5 year anniversary while I was there too. We weren't together, but it was still a good anniversary to celebrate that we had known each other for 5 years.

      A month later, and we're now seriously discussing getting back together. We realised we've always been each others, despite the relationship rebounds we've had in between.

      We've discussed what were to happen if we do get back together and the relationship doesn't work out.
      We're not concerned though, because we know if it doesn't work out, we will always have a great friendship, because after everything it would be a waste not too.

      So three years after breaking up, we've stopped being stubborn, we've apologised to each other for everything we did to each other, and now we can move on, and be together again like we were the first time.

      And even if it doesn't work out, we'll be friends.
      So we're never going to lose each other again :)

      I hope this helps, it's really weird how our stories our so similar with the 5 year thing!

      Delete
  40. if you love two people at the same time always pick the second one. Because if you really truly loved the first, you would have never fell for another

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  41. Well to assist you in your decision making, here is another question for you; Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know, it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?

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  42. you want john... its so obvious ron is a loser... but really i think maybe a break from the both... but if your getting crazy feelings go with john

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