ph: weheartit
Sometimes, after hours and days of convincing myself I don’t need you, I slum back to wanting you back. That would not be possible though, since you never left. I am an idiot. I don’t appreciate you enough, and I push you away more often than naught when I realize I cannot do without you. I say this every time but it takes more than reiteration to make it happen. I am afraid. I am afraid to hold your hand, I am afraid to trust you wholly, I am afraid to trust myself when I am with you… I cannot take the leap of faith if you are not going to be around, because words are words and people are always people.
I always thought you were a mistake I was willing to make, because I believe you will only truly love once in your life. I believe I will love someone passionately, honestly, truthfully and only, in this life. I don’t want you to be that only one, yet I want it bad at the same time. I know I need to get out of this rigid routine and leave, to experience life the way I want to (and need to), but at nights, especially tonight, I don’t want to go through anything without you right beside. I wished my heart would bend, and never break because when around you, it hurts whenever my heart skip a beat. Why can I not forget you, I do not understand. I am tired of trying to find the answer to this question, and I suppose those around me are worn from the questions, including rhetorical ones.
I know when I wake up tomorrow, I am going to feel indifferent about you like I do in the day, though I would be nursing a phantom longing and pseudo heart-break that happens only at night, every night.
Why is this happening to me?
This is nice!
ReplyDeleteYou obviously have to clear some things up! Why not with a simple talk? You'll feel a lot better.
ReplyDeleteoh love. the bain of my life. i am craving a romance i had on my holiday in spain and its driving me mad....50 shades of grey to the rescue.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. I miss her so fucking bad. Nobody understands. I don't think she does either. I lost my soulmate. I don't care if that sounds gay. Its the truth. I can't get over her. I think about her every moment of the damn day. I regret every awful thing I did to push her away. I wish I could go back in time and slap myself silly.
ReplyDeleteI thought so too.
DeleteI thought I would kill old myself self for what I did to my beloved and treat him like he deserves.
But when I got the chance... I missed it so badly.
Again ! And you can't imagin how much I hate myself for what I did. For how I felt. How I feel. For how I behaved, and still do.
I honestly hope your not the same !
If you're luckily not, I'm sure she'll come back to you.
PS: Why do you think it sounds gay, when a boy(or man) confesses his pure feelings ? That's not gay, it's just what every woman loves.
you exist in the the place between half awake and half asleep where I can still remember dreaming and warm memories of you. we must have said about 500 words to each in the year we knew each other and i can repeat each one of them back to you. those are the most poignant memories.
ReplyDeleteIt feels like I wrote this. Those are (almost) exactly my words.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are an idiot at all, I think no one will be like me an idiot at all. Some people are lucky they never experience the same. But it is what I'm feeling now, and you put into the words that touch my heart. Since S1 every important in my life leave me, I've been saying this for myself, I will be fine and I will be achieve more than you....but after meeting numbers of people. My heart still there , its every bad feeling...even my story was over almost 2years .....I still function well, but something is missing that you can't help...........
ReplyDeleteGuess every one is the same when it comes to love .........
www.shabbachic.blogspot.com
You wrote down what's inside my heard.
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit happy though, cause I thought I was the only GIRL who felt this way.
I love him at the evening, at night.
And I feel like I'm in a cage at the day.
I don't know how to express it...
I feel a bit "smothered", "overwhelmed" or "crushed" ?
I don't know how to feel.
If someone found the answer, how to get a rid of this routine, please tell me !
Love, Tenshi.
This relates to a lot of people. Well written article, and nice pictures. I hope you keep it up. Take Care
ReplyDeletegifts
This couldnt relate to me any more than it already does. i love this
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderful blog and has lot of useful information in it. For more details please visit the given link Personalised Gifts
ReplyDeleteLove is the best feeling in the world.no matter what you have
ReplyDelete(Nice looks-Financial Stability-Big Bank account)
if you didnt fall in love you will live a sad life.
To A-
ReplyDeleteSoulmates don't treat soulmates the way you treat and treated me.
-Me
To K-
DeleteSoulmates don't treat soulmates the way you treat and treated me either.
-Me
Good luck with your new bf. Ask him who the most beautiful woman in the world is. See what he says. Best wishes.
DeleteConsidering you made sure I know it's not me, I'd never ask anyone that. You make sure I never think highly of myself.
DeleteUm, I am pretty sure I told you just about every single day that you were the most beautiful girl in the world. I made mistakes, and said horrible things to you when I was mad, and I am sorry for that. Ok. I am sorry.
DeleteOnce upon a time there was a puppy…his name was Puppy. Puppy wasn’t a very cute dog, and he wasn’t a very disciplined dog, and he just wasn’t a very smart dog either. In fact, he didn’t know a single trick. Meow, that I think of it, Puppy was just downright stupid.
ReplyDeleteWell, anyways, one day while Puppy was being dragged through the park for a walk…he wasn’t very good at walking, for once again, he was not very smart or even coordinated…he caught the attention of the most beautiful and special Le Pup in all of the land. She was a really beauty. A Frenchie. Smart. Charming. Beautiful in every single way.
ReplyDeleteWell, Puppy fell instantly in love with Ms. Frenchie upon seeing her. He fell head over his little puppy heels in love with her. Every single day after that first sight he thought of her. He would whine and whine and whine, begging his master for a walk, just so that he could by chance see her. He would purposefully think about her before he took his little puppy naps, and when he kicked his little puppy feet while sleeping, you just knew that he was dreaming about running away with her.
Well, one day, Puppy decided that he couldn’t take it anymore. He had to see Ms. Frenchie. He had to tell her how he felt. So, Puppy did what all bad puppies do, and dug a hole underneath the fence in his backyard, wiggled his little puppy ass under it, and escaped. He then sprinted as fast as his little puppy paws would take him, and ran over to Ms. Frenchie’s house. She was in the backyard, sniffing some flowers, and just being an all around beauty queen. Puppy raced up to her fence, and in a winded and very garbled puppy language, he proclaimed his love to her. “I love you Ms. Frenchie, you are the most beautiful Le Pup in all of the land,” he barked. It came out more like: I LTYVOVE ayourt Ms. Frenchiena, youahs areddc theaws mosdt beadujtiful Le Pup ian alls the land.” She knew what he meant though, for Ms. Frenchie had similar feelings for the stupid little puppy, and she told him so.
ReplyDeletePuppy was the happiest pup in all of the land. Even when his master caught him, and beat the crap out of him for escaping, and even when all of the other pets in the house shunned him for running away, he was still just happier than ever. Puppy was in love.
Every day after that, Puppy and Ms. Frenchie would meet up. They would run away for a bit, and just spend time loving each other. It was beautiful. They got a caught a few times, and paid a hefty price, but they never stopped loving each other.
ReplyDeleteWell, one day, Puppy escaped from his house and ran over to visit the love of his little puppy life, which for a dog of his wild breed, was not a very long life, so his love for her really was something deep. Anyways, as soon as he got to her fence, he knew that something was wrong. Ms. Frenchie wasn’t there. Everything was gone. There were no signs of her. Puppy began to panic. He began barking, and barking, and barking. He barked for hours. And hours. And hours. Still no sign of Ms. Frenchie. She was gone.
Puppy was captured that night, and the next, and the next, and the next, for he ran over to her house every single night, and never saw her. Always barking and whimpering outside her fence.
Puppy was heartbroken. “Where did the love of my little puppy life go,” he thought in his little stupid puppy brain. Months went by, and there was no sign of her. So, Puppy did what all bad and undisciplined puppies of his kind do, and he began drinking lots of water. He drank, and he drank, and he drank. He drank until he couldn’t feel anything. He drank until he couldn’t feel the pain of losing her. He drank to pass the time until she returned. He drank for any reason at all. He just drank and drank and drank.
Well, needless to say, Puppy developed a bit of a drinking problem. A bad one in fact. He began drinking so much that he would often piss himself, and have accidents all over the house. I mean, he just wouldn’t stop pissing on everything. Every single day. This angered his master greatly, and the other pets in the house often mocked him for his stupid, heartbroken, piss drunk on water antics. Everyone got tired of him. There was some talk of putting the little guy down.
ReplyDeleteWell, time went by, and Puppy was still sad and drinking lots of water. Well, one day, Puppy was doing as he always did--he drank a jug of water, and then decided to go on his daily escape/visit to Ms. Frenchies house. He lopsidedly walked over to Ms. Frencie’s house, and sat patiently and mournfully outside her fence. He began to whimper. Whimpering quite a bit.
“What are you whimpering about,” Ms. Frenchie barked, with a beautiful smile upon her face. “I’m back now, we can be together now, I missed you so much, I love you so much,” she barked. Puppy was happier than ever. They kissed each other through the chain link fence, as only puppies in love do, and things were great for a moment. And, then Puppy pissed himself. Right there. In front of Ms. Frenchie, and even on Ms. Frenchie. Ms. Frenchie forgave him the first time. She forgave him the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th times too.
Puppy couldn’t help it. While she was gone, he developed a serious drinking problem to cope with her absence. When she returned, he was in the throws of his water drinking and he just couldn’t stop pissing everywhere. He didn’t want to piss all over himself, and her, and everywhere, but the stupid little Puppy just couldn’t help it. He was so thirsty all of the time.
Well, Ms. Frenchie didn’t want to be with a puppy that pissed all over himself, and her, and everyone and thing in his life, so she told him to go away. Puppy didn’t go away though. Puppy loved her. She was his soulmate, if dogs have souls, which I don’t fucking care what some extremists say, I’m damn sure they do. This little stupid bastard did anyway, and his soul seemed to exist for Ms. Frenchie.
Ms. Frenchie grew tired of Puppies constant barking at her and whimpering, and she began to ignore him. Puppy was devastated. Completely heartbroken. He didn't know what to do. So, Puppy did what all stupid puppies in his position should do, he stopped drinking so much water, and he learned how to read, and now he sits and types love stories on here.
The End
I think "Puppy" is a great being. :')
DeleteEven if he has been a bit dump. He's a good being.
I'm happy, "puppies" like him still exist.
Sorry for subjecting you all to that horrible story
ReplyDeletethis is exactly how i feel right now. thank you for sharing :)
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ReplyDeleteIt's like you've written down my thoughts... I'm in the same situation, but there is a difference. Some days I really am okay with not having you around, but those "some days" I'm just fooling myself. This autumn I'm starting on a new school - and despretately hope that I will find someone who make me forget you a little bit.
ReplyDeleteGood luck !
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