Friday, June 1, 2012

what do I do now

David Bellemere
ph: David Bellemere

"I'm from South America, he is from Europe and we both went to Sweden as exchange students. There is where we met. We knew it from the beginning that it wouldn't be easy. We knew that we should go back home in June 2012 but we didn't care. I remember the first time we talk on facebook. Was a Saturday night in November. We were talking and talking until we realised that was 6 in the morning. "Where did the time go? And how did it go so fast?" He asked. After that, we spoke every day and one week after, we had our first date. He lived in another town, not that far, like 30 minutes by train so I was waiting him in the train station when I got an sms. "I'm here". And I don't know why, but I had a heart attack. "That might mean something" I thought. That first date was enough to realise that we were for each other.

We met every weekend after that. Was hard to meet on week days because of the distance. But every time we saw each other I was more and more convinced about how much I liked him. And after a month we start to dream together. We had huge dreams. We were hoping for stuff that only happens in movies, or in someone who has a lucky life. "I would go to live in Argentina with you" he said. "Or I could go to Holland" I replied. He is a dreamer, and so I'm. And we promised to fight for our dreams or achieve what we really want.

Certainly, we had so much things in common. We both share a passion to travel, and we both get bored easily. But he is always thinking further, and he used to change his mind from the morning to the night. And I should have realise that. Anyway we all know that love is blind.

Less than one month ago, everything started to change. All of a sudden, he was being really cold with me. And he wanted to leave Sweden so he started to look for works back home or in another countries. Last Thursday he found a work in Italy. So first: We broke up, and second: he is leaving Sweden in 2 weeks.

Since that, I can't stop to think in the message he wrote me on facebook this last 1rst of January:

"I just wanted to say ur the most special girl i ever met and the most beautiful girl I've ever seen; I want to be with you for ever and more, and i will do anything to make u happy. You are what I've been looking for all my life, and i can say honestly that i love you. We were meant to be together one some twisted way, and i respect destiny. I will do anything as i said. You are all i want, you are the reason i am in this world. Fuck everything, I will be with you. The way might be unknown and hard, but i will give all. I love you. I love you more than anything in the world. Please forgive my mistakes, and give me the chance to be your world. I love you."

And I can't stop wondering where all those words and feelings have gone.

We went through a lot of things in only 4 months. Things that I could talk about infinite hours, and even tough I don't want him to leave, I can't ask him to stay, because it will be really selfish, cause I know he is not having a good time here at all. But it hurts.

I guess the only thing I can do now is to think that perhaps, in a future, in a couple of years, if we were really meant for each other, somehow life will drive us together again.

But now, what do I do now?

16 comments:

  1. Aw sweety you live your life and you do what's best for you. Build yourself and become the woman that another amazing man can fall in love with or if your paths cross again, for him to fall in love with all over. Destiny is telling you, "not now" so u listen and make the most of it.

    Much loveeeee

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    1. thank you. ive been pine-ing over a boy for the last three months who is seperated by distance and you saying "destiny is telling you "not now" so u listen and make the most of it" seriously hit home with me, you have no idea. im one step closer to being over him so thank you.

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    2. i'm happy that helped you! :) best of luck to you. you'll be fine darling

      <3

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  2. Well, I'm from Holland too. And I can tell you, you will never understand why everything changed so all of the sudden. It's just how it works. People say "I love you etc" when they're in a relationship but that can change. Like Anonnymous said: "Build yourself and become the woman another amazing man can fall in love with". Time will tell what happens, until then, make the best of it!

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  3. It think people say things when they're in a moment, when they have so much feelings that they don't know what to do or what they even feel an that's when we say "I love you" to soon and it hurts, it fucking hurt because if you are the one that were left you are always thinking "was it all fake, didn't he even like me?" and I need every one of those persons who think so to know that it was not fake, if it was a week, 4 months or a year it does not matter because those feeling you feel then were real, they may not have lasted but they were there and they were real.

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  4. The best revenge is just move on...these words are so true :)

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  5. here are some quotes that have helped me, and i hope they do for you.

    "One day you’re ok and the next you’re not and you long for that time when you will feel whole again. You’re looking for closure and then you realize that there is no such thing. You don’t get over a broken heart, you just learn to carry it as gracefully as you can."

    "Acknowledge that you are a wonderful person and no one has the right to hurt you or make you feel bad. Expect to be treated well, instead of always accommodating others. Trust that your ideal match is someone who will love you and accept you for who you are, no strings attached. Realize that your ex was not that person, but now that he's out of your life, you are that much closer to finding your true soul mate."


    you'll one day know the reason for all of this, even if its not clear now. Keep your head up.

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  6. Galance Says: beautiful quotes! Especially the second one (:

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  7. GO TO ITALY GIRL! RE-DO TOUR LIFE THERE IS A BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY!

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  9. I am also from South America and I live in Europe too, the minute I started reading your story reminded me of one of my own...I've also met the 'perfect guy'...I met him a year ago. We both live in France (in two different cities)but destiny brouaght both of us to Paris for the summer... in just a few weeks I lived and felt magical moments with him...but it was just not meant to be...he had a girlfriend back home, and even though their relationship was a mess and that ours was perfect he had to make a decission at the end of the day...he chose her...I think he was afraid of breaking up with her or maybe I am just trying to deny the fact that he may not loved me as much as I thought...I know it sounds like I am the bad guy of this story, and I have no excuse but trust me I never planned it this way, I have never wanted to be the other woman, I wish I would have met him under different circumstances...

    So after a year there is only one thing I can tell you, EVERYTHING WILL BE OK...I cannot tell you exactly was going to happen later and it might take you some time to get over this but you will be fine...

    Love will come to you eventually
    Just have some faith

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  10. i just came back from a year abroad and experienced the same.. you are not alone in this, just think how lucky you are to have felt this way and that if you are ment to be together, you will meet again. for the moment, never forget to enjoy every second of every day, that is also a gift. aloha

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