Monday, June 18, 2012

to finally get to the good

ph: Emmanuel Rosario

Everyone has numerous negative experiences when it comes to talking about Love. For it takes going through all of the bad to finally get to the good. I try my hardest to not let my previous relationships (or lack there of) get me down. I try my hardest to remind myself of this fact, despite having been just used and discarded by numerous guys.

It's almost as if there is a sign on my forehead, saying "Come lie to me about having a girlfriend." I almost don't know what's worse: being cheated on, or being used to cheat with. When I first hooked up with a guy in a relationship, I felt awful. Had I have known, I would have never even looked at the guy. What if the same had happen to me while I was in a relationship? Then it happened again. And again. And again. All with different guys, from different places. Granted, I never let things escalate to the level that these boys would have desired, yet still. The feeling of being used is still there.

Now there's a new guy in the picture. It has only been a couple of weeks, a couple of dates, a couple of long kisses. I'm trying my hardest to not get too excited. What if I just jinx it all, and he's like the others? Only interested in me for lustful purposes, and stops all communication once he catches on that I'm not willing to give him my all, too fast, too soon.

Is it crazy that I can only think of his eyes, his smile, the way he holds my hand and kisses it, the bizarre things he says, his head on my shoulder, his hand on my back? How soon is too soon so say that you know you've found your perfect match?

Perhaps I'm obsessive. Or maybe i'm just pathetically romantic. Either way, I just need to know that it is possible to let my guard down, and have an actual, full-fledged, hot-blooded romance with a great guy. A crush is my greatest weakness. And he's got me good.


  1. You can empower yourself! A crush is your greatest weakness, but not if it's going to turn on you and treat you badly. You can stick up for yourself, Love yourself, more than the used feeling they left you with, beCause you're better than that! I applaud you for sticking to your values, and knowing even though you want to be with someone, it's not going to be at the wrong cost. You're strong in that way. Love and lust get the best of people sometimes, but you know what you're willing to give and not give, take and not take. Wish you the Best!

  2. One of the hardest things in relationships is not letting your past experiences skew your current one. I'm currently talking to a guy who appears to be what I've been looking for, but all I can think is "No, he's a douche like the others and there's something wrong with him so don't allow him in." Unfortunately, we don't always have the best experiences when giving others our trust. But it's better to have tried for it then to have never tried at all, sitting on the sidelines watching your life pass by. The saying goes, "Go with your gut, but use your head."

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