Monday, June 25, 2012
i'm not sure if I'm in love with you
I don't think I've ever had a best friend before you. Maybe because all my best friends have been girls and now I've found you and I think we might fit together perfectly one of us X and the other Y. We've known each other for a while but I only came to your school this year, but of us unenthusiastic about spending 5 days a week with one another. But our shared neighborhood slowly brought us together and with that we discovered our shared souls. We spent long hours getting coffee and held hands walking back to my house. Purely as friends. Is that weird? It didn't feel weird. On Valentines Day we went to buy your girlfriend a present together. We walked through aisle upon aisle in Rite Aid collapsing with laughter about what if you just presented her with a bag of beef jerky? Vaginal cream? A Toy Story 3 hat? We've spent days lying in my room talking about anything. When she broke up with you I was the first girl to ever see you cry. I held you in my arms and felt your chest tremble against my heart. We lay outside in the warm spring sun talking about the future and how we felt so small in a world so big. We watched every Laker game this season and although we're fans of different teams you rested your head in my lap as we argued about calls. Sometimes you come over late Sunday nights because neither of us want to go to school the next day so we bake chocolate chip cookies in my kitchen, and I pour you glass after glass of the 2% milk my family gets just for you. An unshared secret between us for more than a week rarely exists, and if it does, it's just waiting for the right moment to be revealed. That night this spring break we slept at your house. It was the night of my birthday so we drank to Never Have I Ever with the other two. We fell asleep on the same couch spooning and laughing, my hands rested on yours and your arms wrapped around my waist. Our fingers played with one another and slowly the touch because more desperate and longing. I'd thought about the possibility before but stored it away for another day, month, year. I turned my head to face yours, and you lifted yours. I'm not sure if I'm in love with you.