Monday, April 9, 2012

you never came back

it's me
ph: impure hair(raisat shaa)

We met in Paris. So many looks before you finally invited me for a drink. We laughed while listening to music, surround by the city light, red wine and the moon and the stars. I was so nervous, so happy…

Somehow we made it to the Seine we were lining forehead to forehead, you made fun of me because I couldn’t stop sighing, and then you held my hand. We kissed on the riverbank, the moon was shining, Paris was shining, and I was flying.

It was the best year of my life, the Eiffel tower watched us, as we walked through the street hand in hand, endless walks… If we weren’t walking we were tangled between white sheets. The Eiffel tower could still watch us through your window, endless kisses, and movies, and bubble baths…

I always knew it was bound to end, we came from different parts of the world, and at the end of the year we had to take our different ways… But fate got in the way. You had to leave before expected, your father was sick. After our last night together in Paris, I said goodbye to you on the balcony, covered with sheets and tears. You only looked back once.

I followed you to your country, even if I was in a different state. We did the whole long distance relationship thing, and then your Dad died… He died and you changed, and I tried to be there for you, I would have been there for you no matter what. Until we had that stupid fight, and you didn’t call me back. For a day, and then a week. Two month passed. I chose to cry instead of loosing my pride, so I didn’t call you once. Until I couldn’t be strong any longer, I had to know why you left me, I had to now why you disappeared. I called you in tears, and you said you were sorry, you lost someone so important and you couldn’t handle anything else. You said sorry again for months. We talked many times. But I knew, I had lost you, actually, I think you were never mine. Maybe I ‘never had you.

It’s been 5 years. Our entire relationship only lasted two. We are not in touch anymore. Now you are engaged. I found someone that is nothing like you. I’ve been trying to forget you, but I still remember you every day, every sad song, every romantic movie, I remember Paris every day. And I hate you. I hate you because you never came back for me, you never gave me a last kiss. You never fought for me.

17 comments:

  1. so beautiful and so sad.

    be strong.

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  2. I completely understand these parts:
    - Until we had that stupid fight, and you didn’t call me back. For a day, and then a week. Two month passed. I chose to cry instead of loosing my pride, so I didn’t call you once
    - Maybe I never had you.
    - I’ve been trying to forget you, but I still remember you every day, every sad song, every romantic movie
    - you never came back for me, you never gave me a last kiss. You never fought for me.

    And it hurts. But I'll be fine. I read a post today on 9gag.com and in the end it said: "why should I be sad? I lost one who never loved me, she loved someone who really loved her."
    And it's so true. And beautiful.
    However, I can't say he never loved me but I can't get the way he acted out of my head. I mean; that must say something right? Yes I made some stupid mistakes, but I fought for him.

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  3. I know he might have found someone else, got engaged etc, but do you think that he still thinks back to you?

    I think so. Well I want to think so. I need to think so, so that I can believe that the one who never came back for me still thinks about me.

    =(

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  4. Omg, i know what you are going through. Something like this happened to me, the best boyfriend i ever had, his mother died, he left the country and he completely changed. He apologized and said the same things, and I also think about him a lot still, years later.
    It is so hard! I always think about what could've been, even though i know i shouldn't think about it and should be happy with my life right now, which is pretty good.

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  5. I know it must be hard, to lose someone you loved and still love. But you deserve someone that loves you the way you love him. Someone who will love and cherish you and fight for you. You will find him one day, don't lose hope, never lose hope...he is out there

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  6. /

    ♩ I love all those pictures in your blog. Very nice layout.
    Clean and beautiful. ヽ( ^∀^)ノ

    ★ blog → www.christianyuen.blogspot.com

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  7. i love your story and i very sympatheticy with you. You're good girl and you desere than a that man. Smile.

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  8. you didn't fight for him either.

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  9. I remembered the sad situation that i'm in.
    I realized that i've liked a really close friend now that we don't see and talk anymore. He just disappeared stopping to keep in touch. He didn't explained anything about our relationship when i tried to talk to him. And i'm still here, with the gifts he gave me, with the letter with 23 pages he made, the memories, hurts inside me.
    Thank you for telling this here..
    Hope you the best.

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  10. This made me cry..."I’ve been trying to forget you, but I still remember you every day, every sad song, every romantic movie, I remember Paris every day. And I hate you. I hate you because you never came back for me, you never gave me a last kiss. You never fought for me." In a way that is exactly what I am feeling. He wouldn't give me that last kiss goodbye, he hasn't come back for me, as much as I hope he will. He may never. And he didn't fight for me, I fought for him. And, I guess that is what hurts so much-that he wants so badly to not love me anymore.

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  11. I just.. fell in love with this post.

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  12. I have to agree..y o u didnt fight? Maybe that particular moment was supposed to be your time to step in and take a stand in your relationship, but you never showed up? It's probably not what you want to hear, but maybe it could explain why you feel such "hate", is it really him you hate?

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  13. My God I'm so sorry

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  14. I wrote this... and thought it wouldn't be posted... I actually cried while I read my own words, because I deleted the email and kind of forgot this letter.
    I did fight for him, I followed him to his country, and tried to be there for him, he pushed me away... And I don't really hate him, how could I?

    I'm shaking as I write this, because I really cant share my feelings at home, in the real world, I really have found someone else and he really is amazing, and I constantly feel guilty about remembering Paris, that's why I don't talk about it, everyone here would think I'm silly. The thing is they never tell you you can love two persons at the same time, or maybe that you really NEVER forget your first real love...

    Thank you for your comments, and maybe don't think of it as a sad story, or that I'm a sad person, I'm actually happy, and when I think of him is not always anger (or hate), sometimes I'm grateful for the person I am because of him, sometimes I laugh because I'm doing something he would love, and sometimes I laugh even harder because I'm doing something he would hate! ;)

    And I'm sure one day Ill get the closure I believe I deserve, and when I see him Ill realized the person in my head, the man I fell in love with doesn't really exist anymore, he never left my head or my heart and he will always be mine...

    A.

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  15. I can totally relate to this :'(

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