Sunday, April 15, 2012

the morning after

in all our bones
ph: weepy hollow

Can’t breathe. What’s wrong? I open my eyes. My chest is tight. There’s a lump in my throat. My breath is caught. My eyelids are heavy. What’s wrong?

Something’s changed.

I’m single.

Sucking hole in my chest. It’s tiny. But it hurts.

I wish I could speak French. I would board a plane to Paris, and see the world. As a free man, I can now do what free men do. Maybe I could then write in French. Maybe they’ll have the words to describe how this feels.

I am scared. My breath is caught again with fear and anticipation, excitement and trepidation. Thoughts of new loves or maybe even old loves renewed.

No. I will not think of her today. I will not.

But she is fading away. Should I not savour the last embers of her that remain- before she, and all her beauty and beautiful flaws, and her giggles and cuteness, before they are lost forever to the passing of time? Because of her, things will never be the same again.

And I am now so acutely aware that I am only me, singular, and I need to get to know me again. I haven’t really been me for 2 years now.

Time to get up, me, whoever you are.

16 comments:

  1. The feeling when you wake up and your mind is blank, everything is at peace. Then everything comes back at once, like a punsch. And you long for the next morning, those first seconds when you wake up and you feel nothing.

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  2. brought me to tears, I went through the same thing with my ex boyfriend...just know you're not alone and things will get better love

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  3. every word you wrote, I am feeling. If it is meant to be you will both find yourselves back to one another.

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  4. good expression; i've felt the same way. Thank you for this..:)

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  5. I know that feeling well. And although it's 3 years later, I still remember the way my heart flinched everytime I awoke to the relization that I would never see him again or touch his face again. It felt like someone had died and infact it was true, WE died. As you said, something changes in you, and life is never quite the same. I went through the exact thing in the beginning. I didnt want to stop thinking of him because I was afraid if I did, I'd forget his voice, his face, every memory. I realized that I did that because I didnt want to let go. We never forget the ones we once loved and that's ok. We may not quite get over it either but we learn to live without them and then it's not so scary anymore:)

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  6. I understand how you're feeling because i feel just the same... it's been almost 2 months since I broke up with mi boyfriend, ex... well it was my desition, and there's some days I'm not sure if it was the right one and my mornings are the same as you describe yours... but at the end of the day i believe, once again, it was the right one... it was 2 and a half years for me.. and I also believe that it's time for me to know me... well I just wanted to let you know there's more people feeling what you're feeling... I read you and I realise it.. :) I wish you great mornings in the future and a really great trip in getting to know yourself!

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  7. You are so brave for doing this. I could not imagine walking in your shoes. And I don't think I want to eighter.

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  8. As I read this, my heart aches for you.

    While I cannot say that I have truly experienced what you have, your emotion, your pain, seeps through your writing. I hope you get through this soon for even though they may never be the same as this girl, there are always others out there waiting for you.

    Have hope my friend.
    This too will pass.

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  9. ..All the things we used to know
    Please read my letter and promise you'll keep the secrets and the memories and cherish in the deep

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  10. My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. After a nearly sleepless night, today is my morning after. It would have been two years next month, but now he's just gone. And I'm still here wondering what the hell happened to us.

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  11. I can't see i understand .. No one does.. People can't understand each other's feelings completely, and if they can , they don't really care..

    We change , you've changed probably.. That doesn't mean you're not you anymore. You're just.. another you

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  12. I'm French, and I can tell you already describe this feeling perfectly in English. It's so beautiful that it hurts.
    Unfortunately, too much people in the world are broken hearted. We're not alone. One day, you will wake up and realize it's a different morning. A sunny one.

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  13. This made my heart hurt. It perfectly described the morning after a horrible and tragic breakup. It is truely the beginning of a beautiful process though. Repairing the holes, finding the good things to believe in and good people and great love is about to flood in.

    I'm not jealous of you, but I am excited for you to begin this next phase of your life.

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