Tuesday, March 20, 2012

too late

ph: Alex Grazioli

Why? This is a word I have sent out into the cosmic void in the past year since I met you. I lived differently then. I lived happily, my life was beautiful and divine and complete. I did not know loneliness. I never cried, I never felt sad. I loved my husband only. I only had thoughts of him. Then I met you.

If I would have known that I would fall so deeply in love with you I would have never interviewed you for the job. I am 14 years older than you and I’m your boss. This is never going to work, that is crystal clear and deeply painful.

You asked me why you never see me at work. Really? You don’t get that I avoid you deliberately? I wanted to scream at you: “ Do you know what it’s like to want someone who is so close and not be able to touch them. Not be able to kiss them, not be able to make love to them when every inch of your being desires nothing more?” When I was younger I waited for a man like you. Strong and unafraid. Now I am just heartbroken and confused. Why did this happen? Where have you been?

So, please, don’t stand so close to me and try to avoid me. It’s just easier that way. Unless it’s about work and your immediate supervisor can’t help you, don’t speak to me. Running into you on Friday was so hard and unexpected. I trying to be cool and business like, but I saw it. I saw the look in your eye when we were talking, it was but for a moment but the look said, I feel it too. My heart leapt. I just walked away saying to myself: It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.

I wish for so many things, but never that I would not have met you. You are beautiful and funny and great; but you’re 14 years too late.



  1. Beautiful but sad story.
    You'll find a way out. Maybe you´ll find out he isn´t worth giving up on things, maybe you will find out he is. But don´t rush.

    For now, I´d say continue.

  2. Touching deep post. Mature decision. This too shall pass. <3

  3. very difficult but keep on loving your husband and don't regret your marriage.

  4. why deprive yourself of a once in a lifetime love? follow your heart <3

    wish you the best.

  5. Hey, I don't know if you will read this or if it will help. I thought for a moment after reading your story. I am kind of in the guys position in my life - trust me there is sooo much pain on this side of the fence, too.The best thing I can think of is to remember that life has many twist and turns, we never really know how things will work out. Don't compromise your marriage or your vows - I think that is important. But, as they say, if it is meant to be it will be. It will find a way in the end. Don't beat yourself up too much. We are only humans and humans were made to make beautiful connections with others. Do the right thing and try to have as much faith as you can. Loving someone you can't hold and crying for them all the time is truly excruciating. I KNOW. Most people really don't get it. But,I think you are a good woman and doing your best. Who knows, maybe things will turn around for both of us. :) Also, your husband is lucky to have you, you know. A lot of other people would have given up already. All the best and lots of love. <3

  6. sounds like the introduction to a porno..

  7. Some people are meant to love one another, just not meant to be together. Time isn't always the kindest soul.

    Appreciate, cherish and hold on to every other treasure that life still offers you.

  8. people say timing keeps them apart, but it's never the time that makes people resist. people make people resist. they ignore their hearts for their minds, pocket books, houses, children...time is the greatest gift anyone can have. this lady should be thanking time that she met such a great, wonderful man and she still has time to make a choice. they are both still healthy and living and able. whatever she chooses, time has been kind to offer her this chance meeting of two souls drawn together. who says it's not meant to be just because it's 14 years behind a wedding date? don't let life pass you by, ma cherie.

  9. You are doing the right thing. Try to get over him. Fall in love with your husband all over again. You have built a life with a partner that you should be proud of. Keep those morals strong!

  10. I'm too ten years too early for the girl of my dreams. I'm not married, but after a brief time together, she's lost interest.

    Beware of guys who know that have power over you. Stay strong.

  11. wow...i am at a loss for words. i am in a similar situation and am in a tug of war with my heart/soul.

  12. sounds like a sad story but is it fair to deprive yourself of love also? we dont really choose who we love instead love chooses us ...


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