Monday, March 26, 2012

not knowing

via weheartit, http://weheartit.com/entry/13652255
ph: weheartit

Well first of all, I just want to say that I really like you even though I dont know you that well. I hate how I have to scrutinize every single detail on your facebook just to get the teeniest amount of assumptions and false hopes about you. I hate how I can spend hours on your page reviewing over the same comments that you have written, or listening to every music video that you post and reading over the history of every single artists that you claim to "like" on facebook just to squeeze the last ounce of virtual information that I can get out of you. I hate how I've scrolled down to the first ever post that you made on facebook, circa 2007. I hate how every time I'm on facebook, my fingers automatically start typing the first letter of your name. It's kind of creepy that facebook saves and remembers the names that you input into your search engine, and I hate how the first name that pops up out of all the the people i know whose names start with an E, is yours. I hate how when I see that you posted something 8 minutes ago, I quickly check my chat and see if you're on because I embarrassingly hope that one day you'll strike up a conversation despite the fact that I know you never will. I hate how it was the hardest thing for me to "like" one of your statuses because I was afraid that you would "read" my like the wrong way or interpret it in ways that I wouldn't want you to... ITS A FUCKING LIKE .. WHATS WRONG WITH ME? I hate knowing everything about, even your past. I know so much about you I feel like such a fucking creep. I've been on your dad's facebook. yeah, I went there. And I found pictures of you when you were pre-pubescent. You're cute. I hate how facebook is the only thing that I can judge you on, it is really fucking pathetic. I hate thinking about you and dreaming what life would be like if you knew everything about me, or if we could have one deep, meaningful conversation together- not those 3 second "hey, whats up" at the libraries, or the same exact conversations that always end up with the our intended majors and the ratings of our current classes and professors that we are taking. I hate knowing that you are probably not thinking of me or probably having a blast at one of the shows that you are "attending" according to facebook. I hate how I picture myself with you but have this shameful implication that you are too cool for me based on the people you hang out with or the music you listen to. I mostly hate that I dont know you, I dont know you at all and my mind is flowing with these false hopes, stupid assumptions, and ridiculous imaginations about your life. But I will always remember our first encounter at the train, I know that you smiled and were nice enough to wave back. And the next day, when I introduced myself, you seemed like an interesting, genuine boy. And then the other few times at the library when I saw you and we had a short talk only because I did not want to be rude having my friend wait for me right when my knees started getting weak, as I drowned in your baby blue eyes. But I will NEVER EVER forget the time I lost track of time and missed half my class because we talked about random shit, shit that doesnt even matter, and I enjoyed every minute of it, and honestly I know you did too. I found out that you had family in LA, where I live, that you dont drive, like me, that you tested out of a required freshman English class because you're so god damn smart. However, the moment you said my name while attempting to tease me with a rhetorical question, my heart literally skipped 5 beats, and I tried my hardest to keep myself from smiling. Sometimes I just wonder if you ever feel the same. If I ever cross your mind, just even for a second. I hate not knowing, but I guess that's what makes this feeling so intriguing. Maybe if I or you had the actual balls to do something about anything, we can be something. But, maybe this is just me again getting lost in my pathetic thoughts. What if you're not even half the person I thought you are, or if all this gathered info from your facebook is not an accurate description of who you actually are. Whatever, I will leave it to the talks that we've had, the looks that we've given each other, and the sincerity in our conversations. I guess ignorance really is bliss, and I will just have to find out for myself.

17 comments:

  1. It wouldnt be more true if i would have written it myself. I love this.

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  2. Pheewww.. I'm not the only one who stalk and fall in love on Facebook.

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    1. I got my kind of people.Yay!

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  3. so good to know others do this too. im not as crazy as i thought but when will it stop, im just torturing myself

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  4. Its nice to know that others do this on facebook. I thought I was the only one who would. But I'm sure you'll be able to get over him.

    http://lynedma.blogspot.com

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  5. been there, done that. i'm happy to call him my boyfriend now, and i've done that for the past year. i hope the same for you!

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  6. I couldn't help but laugh out loud as I read this! I totally would've written the exact same thing. Agreed I feel pathetic because of it but, praying that we find the right one, weather it's this facebook boy or not :)

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  7. listen to this lovely french girl sing about just the same!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJSp6HCkS6Q&feature=endscreen&NR=1

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  8. I can so recognise myself in what you are writing. But I think you should totally try to get some more of those talks :) Go for it! Take a chance!

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  9. I'm in a similar situation. :) It's the weirdness of everything... the most awkward things that you would try to do because of that one crush.

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  11. He is thinking the exact same things.
    Just be around him.
    It will happen.

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  12. I feel you, dear.
    I'm there now. Do exact the same thing. And I do trying to talk to him. What do I get? Him trying to avoid me in the nicest friendly way.
    You're pathetic?
    I'm pathetic and ironic. How sad!

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  13. This is so my life, well was my life a while ago. I know this post is kinda old, but if this is still happening, my advice to you is enjoy the good, sweet, yummy stuff fully!don't let silly thoughts get in the way of how good it really feels.
    These moments are what makes life, life. shrug it off smile and ride the wave :)
    xoxo

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  14. I am stunned.This is exactly what i would write.I am relieved I am not just the only one. :)

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