Wednesday, March 14, 2012

hope for friendship

ph: Hannah Davis

We speak every once in a while. Every two weeks or so I can expect a call from you, and its usually two or three weeks to the day that we last spoke. I'm not sure if that reflects on the kind of relationship we have. I would like to say the calls are always the same, but they're not. You've gradually become more affectionate and open, as where I want no part in that. I want it to stop, and more so need it to stop.

You ask if I still love you, if I think of you every day, if I'm seeing anyone, if I'm coming to visit and so on and so forth.

We met very randomly and instantly started up something. At first I had no interest, and you made it very clear that you did. I wanted to remain friends, but that changed pretty quick and I'm not sure how. It's safe to say you grew on me (that's an understatement).

I knew you weren't going to be here forever, or even close. I knew you were going to move back, and sooner than I thought and what you led me on to believe.
We were just friends, and then we had a fling, and then we were together, and then I got scared and we broke up, then we had a fling, and then we got back together, and then we fought, then broke up and then were together again without the actual label.

After a few months you somehow convince me to allow you into my home, I felt an instant regret when I said yes. Not because I didn't want to be able to wake up next to you every morning but because I knew how this was going to turn out. The most passionate and intense two months I have ever had and then just like that, it was swept from underneath me. Within two weeks you had bought a plane ticket and you were gone.

We never had the "talk" before you left. It was never clear what we were this time around. But it sure seemed exclusive before you got on that plane. Within the first two weeks of you being back in your home country I could feel you pulling away, and when I asked, your response would either be 1. I miss you so much or 2. Your constant partying with your friends makes me question this.

Then within a month of being a part of each other we were done. You decided that one morning after my night out with my girlfriends you were going to end it. And that you did. You said its best that we be just friends because this relationship is just going to end up hurting both of us. From then on you didn't speak to me for 2 months.

I don't think you understand, or ever will for that matter, what I went through in those 3 months. Losing someone your in love with to another continent, and that someone also happens to be your best friend, and then within a month of losing them, they drop you like a hot potato? I had no explanation for what happened, I couldn't really piece this puzzle together. How can someone I thought I knew so well just forget about me so quick? Was there someone else? Did he just fall out of love? Or was it actually because he was scared of getting hurt?

I don't think I'll truly know the answer, because the longer I know this person, the more skeletons I find in his closet and come to realize that I don't believe half the shit that he says. I've come to know him better as a person now that we're not together through how he treated me during this really painful experience and truths I've found out about him, than when we were together.

In my eyes, he is not the same person I met over a year ago, nor is he the same person I fell in love with. When I speak to him and see him (skype) I still see the same person, but I feel like I'm speaking to a stranger.

The one thing ( I don't want to call it a lesson) I was able to take from this: I'm an amazing, intelligent, beautiful, genuine, loving, kind-hearted woman, and although I definitely had my share of mistakes in this relationship, I did not deserve the abandonment and pain that could of been prevented with a little honestly and sensitivity on his behalf.

I don't think things with us will ever start up again, but I do believe that there is hope for friendship.



  1. exactly what im going through right now

  2. don't ever forget the amazing things that you are! As long as you remember the type of woman you are, you will end up exactly where you are supposed to be.

    best wishessssss xxxx

  3. I'm not sure if this person would be worthy of my friendship. There is more to friendship in my opinion. Good luck and good byee!

  4. dont forget how amazing you are... because they will be someone who will appreciate you and give you the love you deserved i promise...going through the same thing except im graduating and he just came from a different country (but were the same age, he took the opportunity to come to the states)hate how timing is always wrong...were together but we dont have a title...there things between us but i dont feel like i get the right treatment and respect tired of guys rather wait till a good one comes by better i deserve better

  5. I think you should tell him all this, write him an email. Ask the questions you need an answer to. If he can't give them to you then he isn't worthy your friendship or time.

    I am sorry you have been hurt, I hope things feel more clear soon.

  6. Very inspiring and I totally relate to how you felt. I was in love with someone and she was supposed to be in liove with me too and though the relationship was always intense and at times rocky I always believed in us. But she dumped me without a talk and no sensitivity whatsoever and now I see her for who she really is....

  7. I feel so the same thing. And now he is just hating on me when I have tried to be his friend for a year, damn shit, I don't have energy anymore.

  8. Love is all about understanding each other and believing on, not about dyeing or making others die. Thanks

  9. Whenever we fall the only thing we should do is to pick ourselves up and walk forward.

  10. I'm going through the same, it is one of the most devastating thing when you lose the lover because of distance. its unfair and it hurts, its simply heartwrenching..

  11. No friendship, just love people.


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