Saturday, February 25, 2012
until another life
You and I were never meant to be lovers. I was from a small northern Californian town, running away from my past of too many broken romances. You were from Los Angeles, the city of endless possibilities. When I met you, we breezed past each other, completely unaware of each others existence, you and your girlfriend were in some fight over your job promoting, and I was in wanderlust with the new LA night scene.
However, as time passed we became more and more entangled. Late nights partying together, early morning brunches with the gang, and that one night. That one single night when I was talking to you and in one second you became all I thought about.
I am not sure how someone that meant nothing to you can all the sudden be all you ever think about, but that's what happened. You became my personal brand of heroin. I was intrigued by you and your mysterious ways, your bad boy persona, I wanted to be let into your inner circle. And for some reason you let me in, and I was hooked. But I didn't trust you nor did you trust me, not that it could stop us.
We spent our times hiding our romance from the world, with secret meeting spots, long nights entangled in lust with each other, and secret glances and embraces when no one was looking. It kept going on for month until we where inseparable, and somewhere down the line we fell in love.
You saw my broken ways and literally became the wall that stopped me in my tracks. My stubborn personality and twisted sense of trust with guys made me hide everything from you along with everyone else. But for some reason you keep pushing and prodding untill you knew ever last detail, even things that I hadn't even know about myself. You stuck with me, making me snap out of my broken way, cleaning up the broken mess of a heart I had from all the horrible romances before you. But like I said, you and I were never meant to be lovers, and we both knew that. While you helped me, I helped you. We grew together, but we where toxic lovers. From all the lies we had told each other neither of us trusted the other, and though we loved each other we weren't able to get past the heartache we had caused each other. The fighting was never ending, and your constant desire to hide me from your friends, family, and coworkers ate away at me. Then when the violence came in I had to leave.
It has been two weeks now. I still cry when I think of you going to your apartment and seeing that all my stuff was gone. I still can heard the distress in your voice when you called me asking where I was. I still think about you everyday, every second.
I just want to say I am sorry. I am sorry for leaving, I am sorry for not saying goodbye, I am sorry for not explaining. But you and I both know we couldn't keep going on the way we were. You where my angel, and you saved me. No matter how rough the bad times were, I never for a second regret our time together. You are always with me, it is just that sometimes, no matter how much two people love each other, it just will not work, and as much as it hurts me, and as much as I wanted to have your for myself, you where never mine to have. I wish you nothing but the best in life, and though I know I will never see you again, I hope that you know that I will always love you, and there is not enough words in the world to express how thankful I am for having have met you and gotten to have you in my life.
Until another life,