Saturday, February 25, 2012

until another life

via weheartit, http://weheartit.com/entry/21212641
ph: weheartit

You and I were never meant to be lovers. I was from a small northern Californian town, running away from my past of too many broken romances. You were from Los Angeles, the city of endless possibilities. When I met you, we breezed past each other, completely unaware of each others existence, you and your girlfriend were in some fight over your job promoting, and I was in wanderlust with the new LA night scene.

However, as time passed we became more and more entangled. Late nights partying together, early morning brunches with the gang, and that one night. That one single night when I was talking to you and in one second you became all I thought about.

I am not sure how someone that meant nothing to you can all the sudden be all you ever think about, but that's what happened. You became my personal brand of heroin. I was intrigued by you and your mysterious ways, your bad boy persona, I wanted to be let into your inner circle. And for some reason you let me in, and I was hooked. But I didn't trust you nor did you trust me, not that it could stop us.

We spent our times hiding our romance from the world, with secret meeting spots, long nights entangled in lust with each other, and secret glances and embraces when no one was looking. It kept going on for month until we where inseparable, and somewhere down the line we fell in love.

You saw my broken ways and literally became the wall that stopped me in my tracks. My stubborn personality and twisted sense of trust with guys made me hide everything from you along with everyone else. But for some reason you keep pushing and prodding untill you knew ever last detail, even things that I hadn't even know about myself. You stuck with me, making me snap out of my broken way, cleaning up the broken mess of a heart I had from all the horrible romances before you. But like I said, you and I were never meant to be lovers, and we both knew that. While you helped me, I helped you. We grew together, but we where toxic lovers. From all the lies we had told each other neither of us trusted the other, and though we loved each other we weren't able to get past the heartache we had caused each other. The fighting was never ending, and your constant desire to hide me from your friends, family, and coworkers ate away at me. Then when the violence came in I had to leave.

It has been two weeks now. I still cry when I think of you going to your apartment and seeing that all my stuff was gone. I still can heard the distress in your voice when you called me asking where I was. I still think about you everyday, every second.

I just want to say I am sorry. I am sorry for leaving, I am sorry for not saying goodbye, I am sorry for not explaining. But you and I both know we couldn't keep going on the way we were. You where my angel, and you saved me. No matter how rough the bad times were, I never for a second regret our time together. You are always with me, it is just that sometimes, no matter how much two people love each other, it just will not work, and as much as it hurts me, and as much as I wanted to have your for myself, you where never mine to have. I wish you nothing but the best in life, and though I know I will never see you again, I hope that you know that I will always love you, and there is not enough words in the world to express how thankful I am for having have met you and gotten to have you in my life.

Until another life,
Buba

10 comments:

  1. Touching story, really. I cried. But it is true that sometimes we need to move on and leave it all behind. I wish you all the best in your new life.
    Bruna, Bazil (:

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  2. That's...sad but breathtakingly beautiful.

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  3. If by "violence," you mean literal violence, as in abuse, then I really have to applaud you. It takes a lot of bravery and strength to leave a relationship with abuse.

    Good luck. You're clearly strong and level-headed. I have a feeling you'll be just fine.

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  4. If there was abuse welldone for leaving.

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  5. so touching, i nearly cried while reading your story. Sadly love is not always enough, no matter how badly we want it to work.

    I wish you all the best, you sound like a strong person!

    Greets

    E.

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  6. very well written story, so touching that you almost made me cry,. it's true that love doesn't always works, and for some reason it;s painful that it breaks us unto pieces. for some reason you need to go, even if it kills you inside, you still know it's the right thing to do.. be strong. :)

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  7. Make sure that you really do not want to be together. My first love was a boy I grew up with from age 6. At 16, I loved him, and he loved me. For 6 wonderful months, we were innocent and each other's hearts. Then our parents found out and beat us, and we were not permitted to talk. We went our own ways. At 19, we both came home for a visit and ran into each other. Our love reignited. Our parents could not do anything about it. He loved me fiercely and soon asked me to marry him. I was in college. He was in the Army. I got scared and sent a Dear John letter. 15 years later I called to tell him sorry for the letter. He traveled 1000 miles to see me again. We still had that love. But, we were separated due to divorce and kids. He both had to stay in the states 1000 miles from each other. He started a business that would bring him to my state. He came to see me for 6 years whenever he could manage it. It was so hard during the in between times. That I ended it again. I never dated anyone. I hoped that someday maybe circumstances would change, and I would be able to move near him. He did not even know I still loved him. Then 3 months ago, he died. Now, all I have is random pictures in my head of us at age 6,10,12,16,19,35.

    Make sure that you do not really want to be with this person anymore. You never know how long you have to change your mind.

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  8. yes... things like these happen. love is strange.. weird thing... no matter how much u love it just dsnt work at times... shattering u down... leaving u alone... :( why? :(

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