Wednesday, February 15, 2012

isn't what i expected

ph: parmalate

The only thing I've ever wished is to be happy. That's been my prayer. I figure it's the one thing you can't wish you hadn't wished later on, there is no consequence to asking God for it like asking for a specific job or in my case, a specific person. I thought I wanted to be with someone, wanted nothing more than for them to turn around and see me. But I didn't wish for them, never asked God for them even though I wanted to. I bargained, said that I knew I would be happy with them, blissfully so, but nothing was coming of it. No progression, no fulfilling of that fantasy.

And somewhere during this phase another boy snuck in, one who had been a friend for so long I had stopped noticing him. We helped a friend move in, then started watching downloaded TV shows together. Just friends, my favorite one of the group to cuddle with, but never thought he would be anything more. Until one night we got in a tickle fight, and that boundary got pushed farther.

So here I am writing that God, you were right- when I asked to be nothing more than totally and completely happy You didn't give me what I wanted. You gave me the boy of my dreams, my soulmate instead. The man that I laugh with, spend all my time with, who listens to the same music I do and will dance around the room with me. The guy who made cute animal noises back, even in front of friends. Who looked at my family, who I was, and didn't walk away. Who still looks at me when I'm not paying attention, opens his eyes when we're kissing to see my face. The one who tells digressive stories, will walk around for miles with me, whose voice on the phone at midnight is the most beautiful thing I can imagine. The one I can cook with, fall asleep with- never feel alone with. This beautiful person that I had never noticed, and yet had never failed to notice ever since I met him.

No, this relationship isn't what I expected, but it's what I got.
Thank God.

Dear you,
I love you like you'll never know.
Like 'love you' isn't enough to say it.
You are the answer to my prayers.


  1. Aw.. sweet!

    Life, or God, has a funny way of doing things. I wish you lots of love and happiness (:

  2. wow this is the absolute most amazing thing ever...i actuallt got teary-eyed(no joke). and i had the biggest smile on my face because i damn sure know the kind of things you feel for that man cause i feel them for mine!!!!

    definitely check out my video i posted on my blog. if singing a song for your boyfriend and broadcasting it on youtube isnt enough to proclaim love then i dont know what is!! haha

  3. Oh my, this is genuinely beautiful! I agree completely. God has a very wonderfully surprising way of answering prayers :) Very happy for you and your love :)


  4. I'm posting as Anonymous because we don't know each other. I'm a 16 years old Brazilian girl who loves your blog. And I'm crying right now... This text. Oh my God. This is so painfully beautiful. I love it! I'm truly, genuinely happy for you. I'm happy that you're happy. And I hope, someday, the answer to my prayers will show his face to me. Thank you for this amazing, cute, sweet, lovely and great text! :) I wish you all the best!

  5. Gosh, so beautiful! Thanks for sharing! I love being in love. It's the best!
    Savannah Marie

  6. I too have found this. Asking God for specifically what I want only tells Him that I know best, when in reality His plan for my life is beyond what I could ever ask for. I am glad you also recognized this, and asked for happiness, because from what you wrote it seems you were given more than happiness.


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  8. Wow, I could so relate to this post. I loved the disney movie Aladdin and so when I was little I would dream of having this Aladdin one day in my life. And now, I have my Aladdin and he's just as better than the one create on Disney. He's real.

  9. Oh gosh this burst the tear gates for the 100th time this weekend. I had this, I've known this, we made this, and my boy broke up with me a couple days ago. He still loves me but wants to be alone right now. It's so hard to understand how those two things can be true. But I feel for him, still love him, so much I'm letting him go. I'm afraid for him and for us that he doesn't realize what he's done. I'm so scared I won't find it again... its making me crazy.


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