Friday, February 17, 2012

i still have him

via weheartit, http://weheartit.com/entry/21705017
ph: weheartit

He's sitting here right next to me. So close, our shoulders are touching. And even though he's only a few inches away, listening to his iPod and humming, I miss him already.

Next year he won't be here. He'll be across the country, living his life. He tells me that I am his life, but I know I have to let him go. He has so much potential, so many talents. I know his name will be known by everyone someday. Yet he says he wants to stay. But I know that in only a couple of months, he'll be going off to his dream school and starting his career. And I'll be left here, because I still have so much left to do. Three more years of school before I can move on. I'll be here, wondering. What am I going to do without him? What do I do now?

I'm resting my head on his shoulder right now. And he's completely oblivious to everything going on around him. He says he loves only three things in life: music, track, and me. And when he listens to music he gets completely lost in it. I love that look he gets on his face when he gets so absorbed in it.

Next year I won't see it. I won't see his smile every morning. I won't be able to hold his hand every afternoon, or lay my head on his chest each night. And I won't be able to hear his beautiful voice sing those songs to me. Or see those perfect eyes stare into mine. Those are the small things that made my day. How will I live without them?

But only a few minutes ago, when he turned to me, looked deep into my eyes, and told me he loved me, I realized something. I still have him. If it is only for a few more months, weeks, days, hours, even minutes, I still have him here. Right next to me. And I will live each second like it is the last. Because I love him and I cannot keep thinking about the part where I lose him. That time hasn't come yet. I have to live in the present, and in the present, he is still mine. He is still here, and he is not going anywhere.

Each moment must be cherished. It must be filled up to the brim with loving words and hugs and kisses and everything. Anything. They must all be used up until they are completely over. I need to remember everything I do with him, because before I know it, he'll be gone. And all I will have are the memories. And I want to have good memories. Memories I can look back on and say "I'm so glad we had that. I'm so glad I knew him. I'm so glad we got to spend time together".

He is mine for now. He is mine now. He is mine, I still have him. And that is all that matters at this very second. That is all that will ever matter.

13 comments:

  1. beautifully written. Love it!

    Cogito ergo sum. Seize the day. Make every moment worth it. Otherwise you'll regret it. I wish you strength and a lovely time together (:

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  2. I love this. I love the optimism, the strength and the whole concept of living for today and loving today. We're never guaranteed tomorrow & you're completely right to enjoy every second you've got together, to have those memories. I wish you the best :)

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  3. You still have time, make the most of it! And when that moment comes you now fear so much, it will be ok! It's amazing how much we can endure. The fear of being without him is so much worse than actually being without him... And who knows, it just might be a difficult period but doesn't have to mean that it's over and you lost each other...

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  4. I don't get it though. If you really love each other and are willing to sacrifice a little then a long distance relationship works just fine. But if you are very young and just "in love" at the moment then I guess your views on this are different.

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  6. cogito ergo sum is I think therefore I am. what you meant is carpe diem

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  7. At this moment, at this time, as you read this, NOTHING is holding you back right now. You can make the best of the time you have with him right now and cherish every single moment with him. Don't even look at the time you have left with him before he goes because when he does go to that far off place, he might still be yours. Even distance can't take that away from you, only you and him can. He's yours. Now, and even in the future, since the future is just that unpredictable.

    Good luck.

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  9. stop worrying about the future, enjoy NOW...carpe diem. thank you for this lovely post <3

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  10. This is such a sweet story, written beautifully

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  11. THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE,. even if it fears you soo much, you still choose to trust him and let him go, hoping that his feelings will still remain, that distance and time won't fade everything you have.. :)

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  12. awww... he is urs... forever... :)

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