Thursday, January 26, 2012

we left it so open

ph:katrina shafer

*original photo from Fokko van der Leest was removed

New Years Eve:
That's when we met. And it was cliche. And it was reckless. And it was.... amazing.

I took hold of his hand and that was it, something inside me clicked. The way his eyes met mine, and his butterfly stirring smile was enough to make my knees weak, and once he kissed me I knew I was done.

We kept in touch everyday after that night, and he even came and visited me this past weekend. I was so incredibly nervous for him to come, but the moment I opened my door he took me into his arms and kissed me, and all my nerves disappeared. We had an amazing weekend, drinking, laughing, laying in bed until 2 in the afternoon, and exchanging stories about our lives. But sadly it had to end, and he had to leave. And that's where this real life fairy tale falls short.

Where do we go from here? I have an extra year of school left, and he is moving across the country. He said I should come visit, but who knows when I will be able to. He admitted to being disappointed about our "bad timing." Which is exactly what this is....horrible timing. I want to know where this could go, it's like I need to know what could happen in this story, but I am being forced to wait, and it is driving me insane. Not knowing when I will see him again breaks my heart, and it makes me feel crazy because I barely know him, but I don't care, all I know is that I want to know more and more about him, I want to spend more time with him and figure this out. It's like I have taken a drug and I will soon need my next fix, but I will be unable to get it, and that literally makes me feel sick.

There is a part of me that regrets letting this grow after New Years, why did we have to continue to talk? Why did I invite him to come stay with me. Why did he actually come? Why? Why? Why?

Because we both couldn't shake the feeling that there is something strong between what happens next? We didn't make plans, we decided to wing it, but I hate that. I hate that we left it so open...


  1. It's interesting to hear your story. But in such circumstances one has less choice left to choose from. And, in most cases one can not resist the urge. So, your feeling is understandable. You can now only cherish those moments and wait till you meet again...if ever you do at all!


  2. oh....I feel you so bad. It's as if you put my feelings into words. It's been 3 months and 2 weeks since I last saw him, he's on the other side of the world for 2 years. And I have my life in Europe, there's nothing we can do but to move on and trust the future. It is damn hard. It makes us sick. It is unfair and the timing couldn't have been any worse. I do believe it has a meaning, I do believe that if our love is strong enough, it will bring us together. If someone else is meant to be "the one" he will come along...But there's nothing really that anyone can say to make it hurt less, only time can heal. And when I look back at how I was 3 months ago, woooh...time really does heal...

    I still love him, I still miss him but finally I'm accepting life as it is and I can actually smile about it.

    Don't give up, don't try to forget the love you shared but maybe put it aside for a while...somehow. We all find our own little ways.



  3. I do have an almost exactly similar story as yours, minus the part where you invited him to stay (i didn't).

    But now, suddenly, it all crumbles because I'm not sure if the reason he gave (to concentrate on his studies and going away for an overseas exchange) was real, or that he is actually not into me at all.

    I hope you will meet him again, though for me, i don't think i will ever see him again.

  4. I met my perfect boy last January, exactly a year ago. We were both backpackers in Australia just having fun. And that fun lasted four days when we were forced to go on different directions, thinking that we will never see each other again. I knew there was something special about this boy and I felt horrible thinking that that was it. But it wasn't. We did meet again and we're still together. We are now in a long distance relationship but it's working really well. Last time I saw him, he said "I'd rather be with a right girl 3000 miles away than a wrong girl 3kms away."
    And that is so true. If you both feel it you can do it!

  5. Hi, this is my picture you are using. You should state that the source of the picture is and that Fokko van der Leest is the photographer.

  6. if its true it will work one way or another

  7. iWISH you would stop writing to me it's getting harder with this distance and not sure what happened to us alright.

  8. Don't let it comes rare and you will regret if you don't follow!

  9. Dill sauce on seafood usually tastes better than A1.

  10. Hi Fooko,

    I am sorry I missed your message on here. I have been traveling the past couple days and did not have a chance to go through my comments until now. If you check the flickr page and the text link right below the image here in the post, you will see it directly links to the image on your site.

    Hope you are willing to make the photo available again to my readers, as it really is a great shot.



  11. You ask why? One of the answers is that you two have something special already! And this is really an amazing feeling. Love have no limits! Never forget that, and hold on to that. If you two really like each other, this will be a great start of something new. You will figure it out sooner or later, just let time and love show! The only thing you two have to do now, is just to keep those fantastic feelings there, make it all worth waiting for.

    x, N

  12. A(-nonymous),

    I answer why not.

    c, A

  13. This is EXACTLY the same as what happened to me this year, I can't believe it. He's moved to the other side of the world for 8 months. I miss him


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