Sunday, January 22, 2012

maybe. maybe never.

Tea Shafie, http://www.flickr.com/people/supertasty/
tea shafie

We met by accident but fell in love on purpose. We were each other's first, and we've been through it all. Three break ups and reconciliations later, here we are. We haven't seen each other since the summer but text occasionally. It's like we are too afraid to see each other, in fear of falling for each other once again and started another disaster.

We've both been with people since, but we haven't fallen again. I asked you once if we couldn't walk away from each other because we're not over or because we were each other's first, to which you replied "both". You'll always have part of my heart but right now I need to walk away. 2012 isn't about a new chapter, but rather writing a new book.

I can't keep guilting myself because of what has happened since we were us...especially that thing that happened without my consent. I'll never know the real reason why you said the things you did, but you did. I didn't wish you a happy new year, because it is unfair to me to talk to you knowing that it would be the first and last text of the year. I don't know what lies ahead for me, but I know it isn't you.

I don't believe that everything happens for a reason or what is meant to be will be. But I have faith in myself, and in my soul, that things will work out in the end. However, I do admit, that sometimes I wish that things had worked out, and that I hadn't slowly fall out of love with you. If I had been with you, then he wouldn't of taken advantage of me and did what he did. Sometimes I wonder if that's why you opted out of my life.

I'll never know how you feel, or if you still think about me. I don't know if the things you once said is still felt today but what I do know is that I can't keep doing this to myself.

You were my first love, and will never be forgotten but right now I need to put everything down and walk away. It hurts too much to try to put everything back together.

Maybe it'll be a month, a year, a decade that we'll see each other again...or maybe never. But right now, I need to focus on me and rediscovering who I am again.

I'm sorry for those tears you shed, and I'm sorry for hurting you but I need to stop punishing myself.

Goodbye.

18 comments:

  1. It is not your fault. I hope you have the support of loved ones, and most of all, Faith In Yourself, which You Do. You Are Strong, Stay Strong <3

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  2. I wish you the best of luck in everything.. rediscovering yourself, moving on, falling in love again, whatever it takes to be happy. Xoxo

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  3. Things happen for a reason. And whatever happens, it happens for your own good. Never forget that. :)

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  4. Always love your pictures, ther're amazing.

    www.angielovess.blogspot.com

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  5. hey they always say the first cut is the deepest and it takes time to move on but grant yourself that time. dont feel like you have to move on quickly. youll know when youre ready x

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  6. i'm in the same boat. my ex and i broke up 3 times and got back together. we broke up for the 4th time 2 weeks ago; he did it via e-mail. i followed that cliche; if you love someone-fight for that love. but sometimes it's better to just walk away and save yourself. i've finally come to that realization. goodluck.

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  7. this was maybe one of the best things I ever read. wow

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  8. we're in the same boat, you and me. it's like you're writing them about me. know this - you're not alone in this.

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  9. this is exactly how i am feeling, maybe not on the same level...but we are together in this, never regret anything because at one time it was what you wanted <3

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  10. wow, I feel you. very beautifully written.

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  11. I wonder if I wrote this and dont remember. Literally my life.

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  12. one can never predict the future. only be open to unending possibilities.

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  13. this is confusing.

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  14. "then he wouldn't have taken advantage of me and did what he did.."

    If I'm reading this correctly: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. And don't make the mistake of blaming yourself.

    For the rest: I identify :( Sounds like you have a lot of inner strength tho. Which means you'll heal. And move on gracefully. And be grateful for the beauty that was the love you shared and the person you've become out of it.

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  15. Nice story.. sometimes we really don't know or we are not sure that love will last. Maybe the boy done something wrong that the girl hurt her so. trust is like a paper, once it's crumbled it can't be perfect.

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  16. never give up on loving, and don't be afraid to feel the pain, because that pain will give you more appreciation to the day you find the one. That one person who'll walk into your life and make you realize why in never work out with anyone else.

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  17. nah. all of that happen in a right timing, it is better that things happen earlier, now you have the chance to move on rather than falling more deeply in love with that person and then all of a sudden that person will fall out of love with you, that will be more painful. Just move on, that is the best thing you can do right now, coz he left you with no other choice to do so. who knows along the road of moving on, you'll meet the one who'll walk with you the rest of your life.

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  18. Thanks for this information dear. Keep post always dear. Meet Love Marriage Specialist and get solution for your all problems

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