Monday, December 19, 2011
pray for a day
ph: Amanda Mabel
Your E.E. Cummings for the day:
it may not always be so; and i say
that if your lips,which i have loved,should touch
another's,and your dear strong fingers clutch
his heart,as mine in time not far away;
if on another's face your sweet hair lay
in such a silence as i know,or such
great writhing words as,uttering overmuch,
stand helplessly before the spirit at bay;
if this should be,i say if this should be-
you of my heart, send me a little word;
that i may go unto him, and take his hands,
saying, Accept all happiness from me.
Then shall i turn my face, and hear one bird
sing terribly afar in the lost lands.
I guess sometimes the thing you want most is the one thing you cannot have. Know that I have never been kidding when I said I would (and in some ways I have) sacrifice anything - everything - for you, because you and me and us and we, and our always, mean that much to me. Desire, I guess, wears us out, leaves us broken. Desire, I guess, can wreck a life. But you know, as tough as wanting something can be, I think the people who suffer the most, are those who don’t know what they want or worse don’t do what is necessary to get what they want. In the best possible way, you have absolutely wrecked me, because you see, I fell in love with you, always with a feeling, deep down, that there was very little chance of my ever being with you for that always. Definition of insanity, I guess, but holding true the adage that to love and win is the best thing; to love and lose, the next best – because at least I loved you with a love unsurpassed and never to be duplicated, completely and totally and unconditionally and without limits and with a depth that not even poets have been able to capture or even describe.
I wish you happiness. I wish you joy. I wish you grace. I hope that your life leaves you filled to overflowing with all that you had hoped - surpassing your every expectation. There is a wonderful benediction that goes something like “my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, a hearth constantly warmed by family and friends, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.” I do wish all those things for you.
I will miss telling you what you mean to me, which is nothing less than what you mean to the world. I will miss finding new and wonderful ways to express my every feeling, which are numerous and deep and consuming. I will miss telling you how beautiful and amazing and intelligent and bright and gorgeous and lovely and sensual you are. I will miss describing the wonderment that is every one of your special places – and experiencing each of them inch by inch, touch by touch, kiss by kiss, for a lifetime.
You will always find ways to my heart, but I pray that one day the taste of your name, which sounds of beauty and sunshine and smiles and bliss and the warmth of a blessed day, will sound so, though I am not hopeful. Know that any time I need to see your face I will just close my eyes – you will always be there.
And no matter what, I will always love you. And while I will always hope, and pray and wish for the day when you come to me and say “I am yours, all yours, for always,” I will also just pray for a day when I won’t need you so badly every minute of every day and every second in between. You are a love, beyond love, and you will always have my whole entire heart.