Saturday, October 22, 2011

to fall for the wrong guy

to fall for the wrong guy love photo love image, http://weheartit.com/entry/16580194
ph: weheaerit

This is so hard for me to express, but at the same time it's killing me inside, so here I go...

My boyfriend and I have near a year and a half together, everything was perfect until the worst happened. When I was introduced to his family and we spent time together, all of us, it was cool. Unfortunately, his younger brother, who's also my age, and I became close friends. His brother studies the same major I do, and as time passed I realized that wasn't the only thing we have in common. The three of us used to hang out, a lot, so I couldn't help but noticing how different both of them were. I'm not really sure how this happened but I came to the point where I convinced myself that his brother was kinder than my boyfriend. When I arrived to that point, his brother and I started spending some more alone time together. My boyfriend constantly thought that everything I care about was shallow, but his brother did not think so, we shared the same interests. My boyfriend is afraid of almost everything (and so am I), but his brother is fearless... and that is one of the coolest things about him. I think of him as a bright mind, and my boyfriend doesn't even wanna go to college, he has already dropped once. His brother and I share the passion for the same fruits and vegetables, my boyfriend hates them both.

I realized, that sometimes he wanted to make physical contact, like touching my hands or huggin' me just because, and I tried to look cool when that kind of things happened, but I wasn't cool about it. He always waited for me outside my classroom, so it kinda made my friends wonder. Some of my not so close friends thought he was my boyfriend. It got worse on my birthday, he asked what I wanted him to wear, so I told him. That day, I was kind of upset so my boyfriend tried to comfort me. But when his brother came, with just one look he knew how upset I was. His brother and I ate a piece of cake out of the same plate, and I'm sure I felt he caressed my hand. He also hugged me a lot, and told my boyfriend I was his, of course my boyfriend get a little bit upset, but that was it. There's always and excuse for him (and me) to touch hands, and I'm not sure where this is all going. My relationship with my boyfriend it's just not the same, sometimes I feel we're just two worlds apart. His brother has never had a girlfriend, of friend with benefits or anything in his life, it kinda makes him more interesting. One time he told me that we should have met before, and I started wondering. Staring at him, listening to him is beyond real. I really don't know what to do, maybe I'm just exaggerating things, but all I know is how I wanted to stop time at the very same moment he's hugging me or touching my hands. I'm not a bad person I just happened to fall for the wrong guy.

If anyone has and advice for me please, let me know, cuz its one of the worst feelings.

51 comments:

  1. I understand your situation, I happened to be in a similar one. All I can say is, don't do it and immediately stop it! It's not just about you and your happiness here, think about your boyfriend and his family too. What do you think will happen if you start something with his brother and your boyfriend finds out? It will not only destroy the relationship that you and your boyfriend have, but also the tie between your boyfriend and his brother. Starting something with the girlfriend of a brother, that's an absolute no go. The tie between your bf and his brother won't ever be the same anymore and it seems that they're really close to each other. Do you really want that?
    Your boyfriend trusts both of you, I don't think neither you nor his brother have the right to betray him like this.
    The best thing I can tell you is: completely stop every contact with his brother and forget about it. It might seem interesting now, because it's like a secret, it's exciting and all that.. but think if it will really be like that. After some time, "every day life" will start as well.. and what seemed to be exciting in the beginning, will be nothing special anymore.
    Do you still love your boyfriend? If you do, immediately stop seeing his brother.. If you don't, be honest enough to break up with him. But I guess that even if you break up, you and his brother could not be together without hurting your boyfriend..
    So in my opinion.. it's simply nothing you could do..
    Sorry.. I know it's maybe not what you wanted to hear.. But I think you should think of your boyfriend. He loves you, he trusts you, he loves his brother.. don't ruin his family just because for some adventure.

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  2. Brother or not, if you have stronger feelings for someone than you have for your boyfriend, you may want to reconsider the relationship. It's unfair to stay with someone just to have someone, or to avoid hurting their feelings. Stay, because you want to be with them. That being said, don't break up with your boyfriend and go right for his brother - that would kill anyone. My best advice would be to distance yourself from the situation entirely - there will always be other people who feel passionate about the same fruits and vegetables as you.

    I'm assuming you're in high school. Not to undermine your feelings or be agist about, but you may want to take another look at what you think is important in connecting with another person. Fruits and vegetables, and even music and activities, are pretty on the surface. The real question is whether or not your philosophies and values line up, and conviction in that kind of thing tends to come later on, when you've been exposed to a little more.

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  3. That one isn't easy, it's really hard and difficult. But, as I get it, it seems like you are more interested in your boyfriends brother, cause if you wasn't you shouldn't wrote this. And I can see that you feel some kind of guilt, and that's what makes me sure of your feelings for his brother instead. What you feel can feel terrible against your boyfriend, but I am kind of in the same situation, not exactly, but almost, and I know that you can't, not for anything in the world change your feelings for someone by your self, even if you want to. What I'm saying is that, you can't help your feelings, it's just the way it is, and there's nothing who could change that fact. And truth is that, everyone knows that, somewhere inside. For some it can be hard to accept, but the best thing you can do is just tell the truth. If you think you and his brother belong to each other in a better way, you should tell him and test it. You shouldn't let anything stop you because it's his brother and because you are scared of what your boyfriend would think, you should do what you feel's best for you. And to be honestly I think your boyfriend already got that feeling of you and his brother, but he ignores it and act like nothing because it could be hard for him to deal with, but I'm sure that if you would let him know, it at first would hurt him, but than after a while he would find a way to live with it and move on and be happy for you and his brother.

    Hope it helped you a little. Even if everything isn't understood, but that's because I'm not a english speaker, so I'm not so good at writing. But I think you get the most anyway?
    Take care, xoxo.

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  4. i agree with the first writer. dont be selfish. think of the bond between the brothers. you would ruin it forever because you have a taste for forbidden fruit. not fair.

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  5. I understand your situation here. You might have lot of things in common between you and your BF's brother. However it is not advisable for you to venture into that option. If you have loved your BF truly (still have some feelings left for him), please do not hurt him. It will not only break his heart, but also break up the relationship with his brother. It might be difficult, but go ahead and cut down the little feelings you are developing for his brother.
    It might hurt you a bit, but in the interest of everyone, do it.

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  6. you're a bad person. sorry.

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  7. O.K. Here's how I feel. I know what it is like to be in love with someone everyone else would say I shouldn't be. Not something like a boyfriends brother but it is someone who is off limits. I know it is very, very, very hard. I know how you feel. Basically, I am of two minds. I absoloutely believe it is never wrong to love someone. Love is the greatest gift in life. However, acting on that love in a physical sense is not always the greatest gift, because of the reprecusions of your actions. I am getting the feeling that you are pretty young and that you know in your heart that you are not commited to your current boyfriend. So, I am thinking you should do some soul searching. If you are not commited to your boyfriend I think you should do the bold move and tell him that you need to break up or at least take a break from your relationship. If you are truely meant to be with the other man then you will still be meant to be together later in the future when things aren't so cloudy and your current boyfriend has some time to move on. Then, when wounds have healed, and you still desire the brother, you can move forward without the emminate guilt that you would have if it happened right now. Remember timing is crucial. You should always be your authentic self and be honest with yourself. If your heart is really with the other man then there really is no reason to continue on with someone that could never be your true love. You know what I mean? I truely hope this helps. Best of luck. :)

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  8. Hi... I can understand your situation well... and your feelings too i had been through the similar situation with me it was not his brother whom i started liking but it was my friend. my friend and my boy friend were very different, and my likes dislikes passion for life was similar with my friend while my boy friend was totally different, i used to feel that he loved me a lot but never understand me and my friend understand me better... and i had a strong feeling in my heart that i love my friend and not my boy friend and me and my friend can be better pair.... but my relationship with my boy friend was 6 years long and i do not want to hurt him and cheat him when this all feelings came for my friend i was in guilt so i told everything to my BF... but that day was disaster and everything got scattered in mine and his life... he loved me lot and he was feeling that i cheated him... we broke up.... two years passed. In these two years i get closer with my friend but some how nothing happen and we are still just friend.... and after that now I am realizing what i did? i just misunderstood my self... my feelings for my friend was just attraction due to similar taste and kind of attachment while for my boy friend it was true love but i did not understand at that time... now i am in such situation that i can not go back and tell him the truth... he does not hate me even now... and he forgave me for everything... but i lost my love because of me....

    i will suggest you to give time to your self and just do not allow your self to flow with instantaneous emotion... so many time in life.... its difficult for us to understand what is right and what is wrong so take your time... and you are not bad... its human nature we get attached so easily with the persons with whom our mental frequency matches...... wish u luck....

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  9. Heya,
    This is a sticky situation because you gotta think about your feelings can have a downside affect on his family, which eventually you can be blamed for. In my opinion what you do is think about you and your boyfriend. See if yes if you don't or do have any feelings for him, then just talk to him, before things get out of line.
    You take care x

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  10. It seems to me that you're really not that into your boyfriend anymore, so maybe it's time to end it now? I don't know if what you're feeling for his brother is the real deal, but it's at least some proof of the fact that the relationship you're in now isn't totally okay.

    My advice is to figure out what you want. If you don't want to be with your current boyfriend, then end it in order to save everyone some pain. However, don't start something with his brother straight afterwards. Someone above said to wait, and I agree. Take some time to collect yourself and your thoughts, and give him time to move on (if you break up with him). If you decide to stay with him, then give your boyfriend all of you.

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  11. So hard. But you really have to choice I think. My bf has some nice brothers, but I am very careful with being to close to them or anything. I love my boyfriend and I would never do anything to him. How do you feel with yours?

    I don't think you are a bad person, it can happen to anyone. But maybe you have to leave them both? Since as someone else wrote, it can ruin there relationship. But still, they are brothers and if they really like each other, then they won't a girl come between them. Follow your heart!

    Good luck!

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  12. I can't really share how I feel about this, because I haven't been in a situation like this. I just want to wish you good luck!

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  13. I haven't got any advice for you 'cause I've never been in situation like that but I can imagine hurt of your boyfriend when you started to dating with his brother...

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  14. if you dont like ur relationship with ur bf, then end it, if u still do then stay but never ever ever ever go for the brother, you'll ruin their relationship and that is bad, dont even tell ur bf how u fell bout his bro , even when u break up with him, bcoz after that u'll b all happy its over and their relationship is already ruined, dont spoil other ppl's life.. treat his bro like he's ur own brother..u can find 10 other ppl out there who likes all things u like, prob even better than him...sometimes, it can be a test, trying to tell you whether u shud stay wit ur bf or not, but its def not an indication dat u've found true love or smtg, so dont go for the brother, just keep it as a secret btw us all :)

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  15. I know it's hard, but a previous poster had it right: step away from the whole situation. Boyfriend, brother, family, all of it. No one needs this right now and if either of them have feelings for you, they would understand that neither relationship is something that can go on happily right now. Maybe (maybe) further down the line, when everyone has grown past it, there will be another chance for you, but until then, this is not something that can end happily unless you walk away, and soon.

    Hugs, sweetheart.

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  16. I think you are an AWFUL person for letting it get to that point! End it all now, before you ruin their family! How can you live with yourself?

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  17. Hugs! I so do understand the situation, I'm in a similar situation myself.

    But i also think you have to drop it. I know its hard and I know its the last thing you wanna do, but its the best, I think...

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  18. Hey, are you even in love with your boyfriend?

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  19. I think you already know what you have to do.
    good luck!

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  20. Bitch... And the brother is a whore too...

    As a serious advice, sleep with his brother so that he is no virgin anymore. Once his brother knows about it you will have to break up with him (and suddenly he will look sexier and more caring again). You will also break-up with his brother for one reason or another. Then you broke the brother's heart, your boyfriend's heart, and probably complicated their brotherhood relation to an unimaginable degree.

    Or you could just break up with your boyfriend and never look back, that is, if you really love any of them or have some self respect.

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  21. Oh, I meant suddenly your bf will look sexier and caring again...

    On another note, I can give you a ride on my stick until you are calmer. I will totally wait in front of your class too and I don't mind a three way with the brother before you break his heart. I will totally bring my sister she will love it.

    How about talk to the brother seriously when he crosses a line. Why polluting such a good blog with your carnal crap?

    I hope one of your boyfriends cheats on you with your sister or even your mom so you feel what I feel because of a whore like you and my brother.

    And still, bitch...

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  22. i dont think you love your boyfriend enough,..because if you do, you wont fall for his brother... choose the second one,...

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  23. if you don't have the strength to do the right thing, think of the situation like this. if you proceed to be with either brother, you will ruin their relationship. damaged sibling relationships may take up to a lifetime to repair. you don't want to bear that baggage. if you have respect for both brothers, leave them now. this situation has gotten too complicated to even repair.

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  24. I really feel for you...This is not a pretty place to be.

    People can get hurt in this situation so you must be very careful about what you do. I will give you my opinion of what you should do:

    Clearly, you no longer have strong feelings for your boyfriend anymore so you need to break up with him. Just tell him you do not feel the same way.

    DO NOT start dating his brother though. You can maintain the friendship but don't let it turn into something more...at least not right now.

    Time is a great healer and this will give your ex-boyfriend a chance to move on and get over you. Also, time will also tell how strong your friendship and connection to his brother is (as friends)...

    Perhaps later on, when more time has passed...it will be safe for you two to become more involved and take it to the next level.

    In short, do not rush things. You obviously have to breakup with your current bf, you know that deep inside you, BUT do not rush anything with his brother.

    If you two are meant to be... then you will...
    Take your time with that.

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  25. please read/enjoy:

    http://freeluckyeasy.blogspot.com/

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  26. You can't.
    If your over your boyfriend leave. Alone.

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  27. You like fruits and vegetables. He likes fruits and vegetables. Guinea Pigs like fruits and vegetables. It's fate.
    Stop this 'pity me' shit. You are not the victim. Own up. Life isn't happening to you. This isn't a romance movie. You get to chose what happens. You get to chose who you are. Are you going to do the right thing?

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  28. I suppose it's a question of what kind of person you're going to choose to be.

    Walk a mile in the other person's shoes. If you had a hot sister, and your boyfriend... It would absolutely crush you.

    It's never good to let another guy be closer to you than your boyfriend. It's always good to keep boundaries with other guys. If you're thinking about other men, then there's probably something you need to fix with your boyfriend....

    Emotions are fickle things, but we all have a choice to make. Loving your boyfriend is a choice. And you can also choose to walk away from his brother, regardless of what you feel.

    It should never be a choice between two guys. Love your boyfriend for who he is, and break up with him if its not going to work between you guys, but other men shouldn't come into that decision - he deserves that and so do you... You're obviously with your boyfriend for a reason...

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  29. Don't do it! You would RUIN the relationship between the brothers, and no girl should ever come between that bond. You'd shatter their family. Break off with your boyfriend, but leave his brother alone.

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  30. "His brother and I share the passion for the same fruits and vegetables, my boyfriend hates them both"

    how immature is that? grow up girl

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  31. I hope one of your boyfriends cheats on you with your sister or even your mom. [2]

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  32. You're not a terrible person & I think it's perfectly natural for you feel that you need reassurance of you're own goodness, we all often do 'wrong' things in the eyes of society, but they feel awfully right.

    You need to take a breather, take some time away from both your boyfriend & his brother, it sounds like you simply spend most of your time with either / both of these guys & it's seriously clouding your judgement. Use this away time as thinking space & try to discern if you can live without either one of them.

    Whatever you decide needs to be done in the most gentlest of ways, it's really not your boyfriend's fault you're falling out of love from him. Why should he change for you? It's probably you who is bored of him & is looking for a reason to wander away.

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  33. I believe you already know the answer to your question .. and I do not believe that advice is really what you seek. It appears that you want and need someone that challenges you more than your current man does. Simply put, you should wait and until you find that person and not look and especially want immediate gratification from someone that is the brother of your boyfriend.

    I often find that too many people in relationships (myself included) dont ask for what they want and or need from their partners or express their dissatisfications. So I ask of you, have you asked for what you want and or need from your boyfriend? If not, I think you are doing yourself and your bf a serious disservice.

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  34. If you like one person and fall for another, choose the second one, because if you loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the other.

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  35. You're not a bad person, at all.

    I agree with the others, it seems like you aren't feeling the same way for your boyfriend as you did earlier.

    I broke up with my boyfriend for a couple of moths ago. I had a crush on someone else, it wasn't his brother or anyone he even have met.
    At the time it felt like the right thing to do, because if you fall in love with a second person, you don't love the first one enough. I never told him about the second guy and I'm glad about that.
    I couldn't do anything with my new crush though, it didn't feel like the right thing to do.

    A month after our breakup I started to regret it. I've missed him since that day and now I know that it might be tempting to start something new because your relationship is now everyday life, but give it a try.

    Stay away from the brother for a couple of weeks and try your best with your boyfriend. If the feelings aren't there, its time to break up. And try to stay friend with the brother, then you'll have him in your life and I believe that you have to settle with just having him as a friend.

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  36. I think that you should stay far, far away from his brother, if you ever felt love for your boyfriend. You don't do this to someone you care about. Leave now, before you destroy people.

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  37. Follow your heart and that's the best thing you can do

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  38. Awesome content, good read. Keep up the good work

    Alex Keates
    Editor
    Trusted World News
    www.trustedworldnews.com

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  39. you can't help who you fall for. and although there will no doubt be a rough period seeing as they are brothers, you will regret not being with the person you truly care for.

    don't waste anymore time.

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  40. I agree wholeheartedly with the previous post.

    The heart what it wants. God knows I've fallen for people I shouldn't have, but we can't help it. You're definitely not a bad person for having feelings. It's only natural for a connection to develop with someone who you have a lot in common with.

    I think you should break it off with your boyfriend, and just distance yourself from the whole situation for a little while. See what happens, maybe you could revisit things once everything has cooled down a bit.

    We're all guilty of being selfish every now and then. Follow your heart, love doesn't happen every day.

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  41. I know that now you have mixed feelings and you believe that you may have chosen the wrong person.I know that you really want to eplore somenone that is more like you or someone who is new and tempting, but you should really look beyond your feelings and realize that they are brothers and this forbidden love will destroy a family.If you really love them both I believe that you should leave them,maybe it would be better to break up with your boyfriend and never see him again, neither his brother.
    I'm sure that this sounds amazingly hard and I'm not sure if I were in your shoes if I could do it but it's the only thing that seems right.
    Don't be with someone you don't love anymore.If you keep thinking that his brother or anybody else could be better for you then leave, leave as fast as you can, cause life is too short to spend with someone you're not sure about.
    Go out there and claim your right to be happy.Claim your right in love.Will you be happy if you end up with your ex's brother?I dont think so..

    If you still believe that you love your boyfriend don't hurt him,put yourself in his shoes and do whatever you think it's the best.Clear up the situation,be with him or leave him.

    I hope that you'll finaly find the true love.Just remember, things bo not always work out as we wish,sometimes you should leave someone you love just because the circumstances aren't right.
    This is not a fairytale, it's real life and most of the times people end up being heartbroken.It's cruel to say and brings tears to my eyes but you should find the courage to clean the mess,you deserve much more than a guy who betrays his own brother.
    Your prince charming is out there and he's waiting to love you with such a strong passion that you won't be able to have any doubt.
    Good luck and be strong.

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  42. Dump them both. Think about how much it would hurt your boyfriend if you told him you where in love with his brother. Maybe you will even ruin the relationship between brothers. He might understand but it will still hurt.

    The unselfish thing to do.

    It's hard, but i believe it's the right thing to do.

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  43. Hi there, I hope this helps in any way… I used to date a guy – M- who was exciting and fun and chaos, and not a good boyfriend, I decided I wanted to remove myself from this and that night that I told him how I felt, I was out and through M I met his half brother -J- who I am now dating its been 9 months. Before anything happened with his younger ½ brother I discussed it with J and M ( more out of courtesy), and my heart told me it would not interfere with them, but I let J and I become good friends before anything happened… to check it would not be a problem.


    In truth it was a little awkward at first as his brother knew he was not a good boyfriend ( cheated on me and was drunk lots) but still thought of me as mine.. but it never affected them… the brothers were never that close to begin with.

    I feel for you but I think you should have some you time.. break up and take that time to be alone without either of them and see what you really honesty want or if it is the forbidden fruit thing.

    Its okay to have love, but you already know what you need to do, be nice with your heart, your boys heart.
    Good luck

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  44. Hahahhahah i feel for you but 'passion for the same fruits and vegetables' as a reason for love really made me giggle. hahahaha. also, leave both or you will be a bad person.

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  45. Hi. Nina here and I bet I'm the oldest person who reads this blog. 51 next week. A piece of advice kid from someone who has lived on the margin and has been afraid of hurting people's feelings. Get out.
    To be frank, if you have feelings for the brother, you have every right to them. But, it exposes that you are not with the right person. Tell them. Tell them the truth. Both of them.
    The boyfriend will understand and appreciate the honesty one day. You did him a favor. The brother will appreciate the honesty and will be elated that you have chosen him. Nothing else matters honey. No need to hide anything, you have fallen in love with his brother. Its not the first time this has happened and it won't be the last. Its love. Its fair.
    You have a right to happiness, you have a right to your feelings and to validate them.
    Being an adult is being honest, no matter what. Not to hurt but to expose the truth and minimize the hurt.

    I'm thinking you're on the right path. Proud of you.

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  46. I think it really depends on how much your boyfriend is into your relationship, if he is really in love with you then you need to decide whether to continue your relationship or break up with him but either way don't go out with his brother, but if he has realised you two like eachother and he maybe feels over you or interested in someone else then go ahead and go out with the brother but wait a while first. There are so many possible consequences, you should consider whether you would miss your bf if he disowned you and also if his brother would be willing to go out with you if he knew it was hurting his brother. Do whatever will hurt everyones feelings the least.. good luck xo

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  47. Oh please, I get so frustrated with the people who write that "your selfish" or something like that. - your obviously not. What is more normal than being with the one you like, with the one that makes you feel like your bf brother... I would say that what ever you choose to do, be true to yourself. If you and your bf are worlds apart... and that you really know that he's not the one, then maybe you should consider breaking up with him. It's normal, people break up. I'm sure your bf also has "his perfect" match somewhere.... if you guys are not meant to be right now....

    Choose love, Choose to be true to yourself and the people you care about. You need to be an egoist in a good and healthy way to be happy in this world.... and to make people happy.

    All the best and good luck :))

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  48. Your articles are very supportive at a difficult time, they provide invaluable and highly effective recommendations.

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  49. We can't judge her because she is just a human having a heart and right to love. Yes, you're right, you just happened to fall for the wrong guy, but if ever you and you're boyfriend end your relationship, don't let you're self having a relationship with his brother. Find someone better.

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  50. yeee. you are inlove, and it's hard to think clearly when you are in the situatuion of the so called forbidden love. Here's a tip, ask yourself: if you start something with his brother, and end up being together, will it make you happy in the end? will it REALLY MAKE YOU HAPPY?

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  51. situations can really make is feel twisted at one point or another of our lives, in this situation. you must not only think of yourself but more of the people around you, the people that you are going to choose and the people you are going to hurt. always remember that whatever you'll choose will affect the rest of your relationship as well as the rest of your life. so be careful.

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