Monday, July 25, 2011

my dad, my hero

my dad my hero love photo love image miguel angel candiotti, http://www.flickr.com/photos/miguelangelcandiotti/5621562257/in/photostream/
ph: miguel angel candiotti

This entry is dedicated to my dad and he will never read it. Sad thing.*

When I was 16 I had to write an essay in school about the person I admire the most. So I wrote about my dad. My dad is not famous, nor is he rich or talented. He is not a scientist or a professor. But he is the best man in my personal world even if he doesn’t know. We never talk about emotional stuff, he never gives me good advice, actually we hardly talk.
When my dad was young he was a biker. Motorbikes were his lifestyle, his passion, his love. But this love became his doom. A few years before he met my mother, he had a terrible accident. He was actually supposed to be dead but somehow he was strong enough to survive. I know that he was in a coma and it was still not sure if he’d make it. But after 2 long months and 2 days he finally woke up.
He had millions of traumas. He couldn’t move or speak. The doctors had to use skin of his thigh for surgery on his arm. They said he would never be able to walk again. It was so sad. My dad slowly became a healthy man - I mean he slowly learned how to speak again but at the beginning, my uncle even had to take him to the toilet and wipe his bottom. He was as helpless as a newborn baby.
After a few months he said to himself: I won’t spend my life in a wheelchair. So he went to a rehabilitation centre where he fought for the strength of his legs. It took him 2 years to learn how to walk again. He still limps. His brain works slower, too.
Well, after a few years of deep depression my dad met my mother. She was visiting her cousin in Germany, whose husband was one of my dad’s friends. They immediately fell for each other - he took her to an Italian restaurant in his red VW - my mom was so impressed because at this time normal people in the Philippines had no cars. They talked English and my mom told me that my dad had a terrible German accent. But he was gentle and sensitive, caring and funny so she couldn’t forget him back in the Philippines. And a few months after they had met for the first time, my mom decided to move to Germany to spend her life with him. Best decision ever, if you ask me.
However, my dad told me once that he fought because of this little thought:

What if I have my own family one day? What if I have kids? Who will teach them how to ride a bicycle?

I cried so much when he told me this.
Today, my dad is helpless again - not as helpless as after his accident, but he needs my mom. As his brain works much slower than the brains of healthy people, he is not able to work. My mom is the main earner in our family. I know that he hates it, it must be very hard for him, so he does little jobs at his friend’s garage (my dad was a mechatronic engineer). He is slowly turning into a mentally handicapped person. That makes me so sad. He forgets things easily, he stutters a lot. It hurts so much to watch my daddy get weaker and weaker.

I love my dad. Sometimes I think he doesn’t know that because we fight pretty often. We hardly get along. My mother always says: I can’t believe that you wanted to marry your dad when you were in kindergarten. In fact, people wouldn’t belive it. I’m a total bitch and I hate myself for being like this sometimes. I’m so impatient when I try to explain something to him and he doesn’t understand immediately. My dad often has to fight my bad temper.

Last Sunday I watched a German TV show. There was an old man who was left completely alone after the death of his wife and the death of his beloved dog. And I asked myself: What will happen to my dad if my mom dies? I know I shouldn’t think about stuff like this. I started to cry.

Well Dad, I know you will never read this but here is my apology. I want you to know that no matter what I say, I love you. I admire you for your love. I want to thank you for showing me how to ride a bicycle. And thanks for the bicycle tours to the ice cream parlor. I’m sorry for saying you’re a bad cook - you just shouldn’t experiment with spice, that’s all. I want to thank you for watching my sister and me riding horses when we were young. I’m sorry for all the dreams you had that will never come true and I’m sorry for saying that your dreams will never come true. I promise that one day - when the time is right - I will do anything to make your number 1 wish come true: seeing the world with mom.

When I was 3, you were my hero. When I was 6, you were my hero. When I was 13, you were my hero - you held my hand while I got a dental brace and after that, you told me I was still beautiful. When I had a car accident at 15, you were my hero. When I had financial problems at 18, you were my hero.

You’ll always be my hero.

*reader submission

27 comments:

  1. I luv this...left a lump in my throat...

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  2. thank you so much for sharing this, it can't have been an easy thing to do.

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  3. this is really beautiful. thank you.

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  4. Absolutely touching.
    <3
    God bless you and your family.

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  5. that is so touching
    I'm even sharing tear now. x

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  6. I am in tears right now. I am so sorry for the complications and pain that you and your father have experienced. I am just sending so much love to you and your family. Thank you for the reminder that we should all be patient with the ones we love - we all need each other so much.

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  7. You should show this text to him.. print it and put it behind his bed or something. My dad died this year, totally unexpected. No one could have ever knew it was gonna happen. And now I just wish he know how much I loved him, because I never had the chance to tell him..

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  8. My dad is suffering from dementia and I know how it feels. It's pretty hard, but you have to be strong for your dad and your family as well. Love him and spend time with him cuz you don't know what will happen next.You are even luckier than I am. My dad had his condition when I was a kid. I have no fun memories of him, but still I love him dearly. My mom is also the breadwinner in the family. We may fight at times, but I know she has the best interest for our family. Kid, love your family and cherish them with all your heart.

    P.s. I am also from the Philippines! Mabuhay ang Pinoy! Don't lose hope kid :)

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  9. Really loved the story & I agree with Sophia!

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  10. This may be a little harsh but I'm tired of people hopelessly saying "he'll never read this.." Of course not! Because its on some random website, but its not like he could never read it! I say you print out the latter portion of the letter and let him read it. And, if he can't read it, I say, you read it to him as slowly as you need to so he understands.life is to short darling and I'll be praying that you have the courage to do what I suggested. Because that's what it'll take a lot of courage.

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  11. love this story, very touching. the mingling of frustration and pride for your father is a difficult thing to experience because they so often contradict. however, the love you have for him will always be stronger than any other negative emotion you feel towards him, as your story proves. try and be kind to him everyday.

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  12. If you read this message, please share your feelings with your dad. Even a small 'thank you' is worth a lot. You will certainly regret it sooner or later if you let the opportunity slip.

    Best wishes.

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  13. So lovely. I agree- always tell your dad and everyone else in your life how much they mean to you.

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  14. This is such a lovely story. Print this out sweetie and show it to your dad :) You put me into tears .. it is so touching :)

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  15. Honey, I never got to tell my dad how I felt.

    Tell him. Don't just write it. Tell him so you'll never regret it.

    xox

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  16. Have patience with your dad. If its frustrating for you when he doesnt understand, then imagine how he feels. Be patient with him, what's the rush.
    And tell him how you feel about him. Please tell him. You'll regret it forever if you don't.

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  17. Put away your stubborness and show this to your dad.

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  18. Tell him how you feel before it's too late . My best friend felt exactly the way you did and she never got the nerves to tell her dad how much she really loved him. He passed away 7 years ago and she's still a complete mess. Everything she does, everything she feels somehow alwYs relates back to her dad. Tell him soon or you will live your entire life with a torn heart. Trust me, it's the most devastating thing to watch....Every bf, every relationship, every stressful situation, every drink somehow relates back to her and her dads relationship and the regret....

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  19. I haven't told my father how I feel... he's still here and he's ok... but there's so much I wish I could tell him and I just can't... but you should tell your father all those things you wrote before is too late for him to undertands you... and try not to fight so much with him, I know it can be difficult not to argue with our parents, but yours is a different situation... show him how much you love him so when he leaves he'll do it knowing his family loved and always wiil love him.

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  20. oh god..m sitting in the office n after reading this..i m crying :(

    i havent told my dad how i feel...coz..if i'll tell him he will start crying...hez very senti..:) i really love him..n hez my hero n he ll alwayz be :) I LOVE YOU PAPA

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  21. I wrote a private poem for my Dad many years ago because we were the same as you, not brought up to share feelings, although I always knew my Dad loved me. So I wrote my feelings down and, though it took me a while, I gave him the poem and left him to read it alone. No words were ever spoken about that poem again, but a couple of years later at a family party, my Dad and I were dancing and he told me he loved me....it's the only time he ever said it.....I lost my Dad 2 on 15th January 2010 and my life has not been the same since...but I am so glad I let him know how I felt and still feel...don't leave it too late sweetheart xxxx

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  22. tanx for sharin...thiz essay left me in tears...it was lyk i waz duin ma homewrk abt my hero...bt w3n i read urz,it left me in ecsact pain..

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  23. i love my dad nd now after reading this i am going to tell my dad that i am missing him badly and i love him a lot thanx dear....

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  24. i love my dad nd now after reading this i am going to tell my dad that i am missing him badly and i love him a lot thanx dear....

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  25. You sound like a complete heartless bitch having no patience for your dad. Sorry to be so harsh but you do.

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