Friday, May 20, 2011

what are you still doing here?


Dear You.

I had a brutal crush on you but I said to myself I wouldn't do anything about it. When I heard about you and another girl though, I thought it's now or never. So I simply walked to where you were and since then there has only been you.

You make me laugh so much and you awakens every butterfly in me. You whisper sweet words in my ear and I want to hug you all the time and you tell me you want me to. You giggle when I give you a thousand kisses all over your face and I remember you said I'm the prettiest girl in town. I don't think about what's happening or will happen, I'm just enjoying every moment with you.

But in every relationship we have - with girls, boys, friends - sooner or later we argue. And suddenly it all feels so fragile.

What will happen now?
How much does he like me?
Will this end what's between us?
Wow, there's so many things I still don't know about him.
Will he hurt me?
Will he say things that makes me cry?
If I stay now, will he take me in his arms if I get sad?
If I go now, will he call me tomorrow?
Gosh, WHY do I have to be so emotional?
Does he think I'm too sensitive?
Is this about what he said about things going so fast?
Wait - it was "so fast", not "too fast", right? Damn. I can't remember.
What does he want me to say when he tells me that?
But if he meant it in a bad way, why would he also tell me he doesn't want to be with anyone else?
I hope that part wont change now when we argue.
Is he as scared of all those feelings as I am?
I wish I was a mindreader.
What was we even arguing about?
Oh, I remember. Are we really having an argue about that?
Well, I guess this learns us that both are really stubborn.
I don't want him over there. I want him to be closer.
Will he reject me if I ask for a kiss instead of talking about whatever we think different about?

I really want you. I really like you. But I don't tell you that tonight. Instead I'm doing what I know is wrong - I'm walking away, I'm going home. Because even if we're having an incredible time, I don't really know you and your thoughts and if you think "us" is happening too fast instead of so fast, I don't want to hear it tonight. Each day I want to have you one more day so me liking you as much as I do is really freaking me out.

And to all of you whose hearts are aching by liking someone and not doing anything about it - what are you still doing here? Go tell them, go take a shot, go fall in love!
Sometimes you have to give life a push and hope that it's the right time and place and that both are ready for what may come. The worst thing that can happen isn't even that bad - if he/she doesn't feel the same at least you will feel awesome about telling them how special they are.
But if everything goes well, it can be amazing.

Remember though - your heart will ache anyway, because you're so scared to screw it all up and the feeling you get by the thought of losing something great is almost as awful as not having it at all.

Lots of love to all of you!



  1. scary that these are the exact thoughts running through my head. He made me fall for him and he cant be anythingmore than a friend. god he is the only one i have let close and it still rattles me just to hear his voice or name. i am so far gone it scares me. there is not telling him because he has moved on now that i am finally on board :(

  2. Beautiful, just beautiful!!

    I am interested in a guy who is just getting out of a long term relationship. I told him I like him tonight, he told me he likes me. He is still in love with his ex. I told him again tonight that as much as it might hurt me, I just want him to be happy. I also told him he should fight for her if he wanted her back. Hard for me to say, but I'm not the kind of person to manipulate a situation to my advantage. So we are in limbo. But at least he knows.

  3. Thank you so much for the las part of the text. It helps me believe in it.

  4. those are the questions every girl faces.. thank you so much for this awesome post!!

  5. wow, felt like you wrote this to me. I'm gonna go do something about it! yay :)
    Beautiful text. it's relieving to read that I'm not the only one with thoughts like that. thanks

  6. lovely lovely lovely written!

  7. "Wow, there's so many things I still don't know about him."

  8. Thank you... ill take your story like a signal.

  9. beautifully write

  10. oh god, i really need a kick in the ass. i have to take a shot. thank you for reminding me.

  11. Omg. That is so beautiful. And it's exactly how I feel today. Thank you, I now knoe I'm not alone <3

  12. I have been in that place you were with those same exact thoughts! I just didn't walk away home, I stayed every time. And in the end it worked out every single time, staying and talking my fears out, even arguing. I'm glad I never left, though I came close many times. It was worth it to stay.

  13. i tried. and i talked to him. fail. but at the same time, now i know, and now i can focus on finding the one that actually likes me more than just a friend.
    love is so fuckin hard. gosh!

  14. you need to get rid of people in your life who are holing you back. you cant move onto a different future if you are so set on one person who said they things will never work out with. If they change their mind, they will find a way to find you.

  15. I dont really agree with what you said, yes we all know many saying said 'you live only once, might as well make the most of it', to say that 'jump on it, fall in love', 'dont be scared to fall and got hurt, coz either way you will get hurt'.... I do agree at some circumstances this applies to us in some way or the other. BUT theres no such things as "One size fits all"... SOoooo to all of you out there, dont be silly and throw yourself simply because you 'think' that what you feel is love. Some of us may not know what love is... sometimes you may think that you know, but you dont! Most of us probably dont know what love is until you lost that someone, some others may think that they were in love, but that was just a 'huge crush' til it ended you will not realise or not know what you had/have!. So to say, 'jump, so you can fall in love'.. I shall say, dont!, shall think how high you are and better check how shallow the water is before you decide to jump"... One size doesnt fit all! and some 'things' are better to be left off the way it is, and thats why people go separate ways, eventhough they both know part of them are still together. but love it self, is not enough, and certainly not the answer to all the questions. you may go crazy, head over heels, butterflies from head to toe, but consider the consequences, before you jump. ALWAYS in any aspects of life! "Live is too short to be wasted just because you fall in love"!

  16. WOW really amazing same here buut thanks this inspire me to keep going when I was ready to give up thank you

  17. I think that if you like someone, why not go figure it all out. Of course you never know how or what it will become because sometimes maybe you don't even know the person. But even if I'm just having him for a couple of weeks I want to remember that I really took care of the time I got and not by thinking "it will never be serious, it will never work between us".
    And no, love's not the answer to anything but there's nothing wrong with being passionate over that beautiful girl you talked to on the bus who you want to be friends with, or the guy in the bar you just want for tonight or about that cute, funny friend with who you want to occasionally sleep with and hang out in that way.

    In either way, there's always consequences with everything. Everything has an end, you can always be heartbroken, people can fall out of love with you, you can fight and people never want to talk to you again, ANYTHING in life can happen and turn out to a disaster so whatever you're doing is a risk.

    I'm thinking about moving away and I haven't told him yet. And I wouldn't change my plans just for him but if I move I will at least remember that I took a shot, had him for a while and it was wonderful despite it wasn't forever.

  18. And thank you everyone for the amazing comments.

  19. Dear TSF, these are my exact feelings. These are my exact fears. I'm afraid to tell him because I think I'm not good enough. I'm afraid to tell him because I don't know what to say. I'm afraid to tell him because I'd rather be silent and sad then to have said something and be humiliated if he doesn't feel the same way.
    I've prayed for an answer. I've prayed to be told whether or not to tell him and then I see this post.
    I think about him everyday it hurts. But is it really all that worth it???

  20. I believe everyone ought to browse on it.

  21. Quite useful piece of writing, thanks for this post.


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