Friday, May 20, 2011
what are you still doing here?
I had a brutal crush on you but I said to myself I wouldn't do anything about it. When I heard about you and another girl though, I thought it's now or never. So I simply walked to where you were and since then there has only been you.
You make me laugh so much and you awakens every butterfly in me. You whisper sweet words in my ear and I want to hug you all the time and you tell me you want me to. You giggle when I give you a thousand kisses all over your face and I remember you said I'm the prettiest girl in town. I don't think about what's happening or will happen, I'm just enjoying every moment with you.
But in every relationship we have - with girls, boys, friends - sooner or later we argue. And suddenly it all feels so fragile.
What will happen now?
How much does he like me?
Will this end what's between us?
Wow, there's so many things I still don't know about him.
Will he hurt me?
Will he say things that makes me cry?
If I stay now, will he take me in his arms if I get sad?
If I go now, will he call me tomorrow?
Gosh, WHY do I have to be so emotional?
Does he think I'm too sensitive?
Is this about what he said about things going so fast?
Wait - it was "so fast", not "too fast", right? Damn. I can't remember.
What does he want me to say when he tells me that?
But if he meant it in a bad way, why would he also tell me he doesn't want to be with anyone else?
I hope that part wont change now when we argue.
Is he as scared of all those feelings as I am?
I wish I was a mindreader.
What was we even arguing about?
Oh, I remember. Are we really having an argue about that?
Well, I guess this learns us that both are really stubborn.
I don't want him over there. I want him to be closer.
Will he reject me if I ask for a kiss instead of talking about whatever we think different about?
I really want you. I really like you. But I don't tell you that tonight. Instead I'm doing what I know is wrong - I'm walking away, I'm going home. Because even if we're having an incredible time, I don't really know you and your thoughts and if you think "us" is happening too fast instead of so fast, I don't want to hear it tonight. Each day I want to have you one more day so me liking you as much as I do is really freaking me out.
And to all of you whose hearts are aching by liking someone and not doing anything about it - what are you still doing here? Go tell them, go take a shot, go fall in love!
Sometimes you have to give life a push and hope that it's the right time and place and that both are ready for what may come. The worst thing that can happen isn't even that bad - if he/she doesn't feel the same at least you will feel awesome about telling them how special they are.
But if everything goes well, it can be amazing.
Remember though - your heart will ache anyway, because you're so scared to screw it all up and the feeling you get by the thought of losing something great is almost as awful as not having it at all.
Lots of love to all of you!