Tuesday, May 10, 2011
please let me go.
It's been 3 years. The first time I saw you was when we both walked out of our doors at the same time. You went down the stairs first and my puppy went running after you (she has always liked you for some reason). You let her out and she took off down the sidewalk. We both ran after her but I was faster. You made a comment about how you ran track in college and how did I beat you?? It was very obvious we both had a crush from that first meeting. Several weeks later I saw you at a party. We finally talked and I learned your name. You told me you were in a band- you told me the name and I had never heard of it. Later we went to your apt and you played a song for me- it was a song I had heard on the radio lately that touched me in a place a song hadn't touched me in a long time- and this whole time I had no idea it was you. I couldn't believe this was your song. We listened and sat in silence until it was over- then I walked over to you and we had our first, amazing kiss. You played the guitar and sang for me all night and we talked and had the best night together.
Weeks later you had a concert- I went. I ran into a girl I had met once and asked what she was doing there. She said watching her boyfriend. I asked who her boyfriend was (never thinking it would have been you). It was. My heart dropped. I saw you after the concert and asked you about it- you said you had just gotten back together with her and it was confusing. You continued texting me. Kept telling me it wasn't working out with her- and for some reason I continued to see you every time you came in town. You broke up with her. You got back with her. Broke up. Got back with her again. In all this I continued to see you for some crazy reason. I had never done anything like that in my life before but you made it feel like if I would just be patient, and wait, it would work out. How did I (the nice girl from the Midwest) turn into the "other girl"? This wasn't me. But I did it.
It has now been almost 3 years- I am still in love with you for some crazy reason. We have something I have never felt with anyone- my heart beats when you're around, I feel high when I leave you. Not two months have gone by when I haven't seen you in almost 3 years- but still we're not together. You tell me everything- about your family, your secrets, your fears. Do you know how many times I have wanted to tell you I love you but am scared? I keep thinking I will find this with someone else. It doesn't happen. No one compares. You have come a long way in the last 3 years. You have changed a little but when its just you and me you're still the same. You tell me I am comforting and you feel so warm when you're around me. You think about me all the time, the way my skin feels and my lips. I think about every. single. day.
You are now broke up with her for the final time- and I really do believe you this time. But why do I have the feeling you will have a new girlfriend (not me) in no time? I really want to get over you. I truly do. And I have come very close- but then you always pop back in like you did last week. It's like you can feel it. Sometimes I feel like the only way is to move away..I feel like quitting you would be similar to quitting heroin. I think its time for you to finally leave me alone. Let me move on because this isn't fair to me. You know how much I care and if you don't feel the same please let me go.
I am begging you.