Friday, April 15, 2011

a large space in my thoughts


gabriielaserra

Why can’t I stop thinking about you? It was such a mistake. All of it… an all-consuming error in judgment that had me captivated and mesmerized by the situation. A good girl to the core, this was far beyond the everyday workings of such a responsible and trustworthy person like myself. Would it be corny to say, “you had me at hello”? - Because you did. I was drawn to you like a drug and from the first night that we spent together I was hooked. You were the perfect escape and release from the mundane aspects of reality. I would daydream about you and smile when I saw your name flash up on my phone; I would go back to the park where we met hoping to see you. It started out so innocent, the standard steps of a growing romance but then you broke my heart and made me become the other woman and in doing so you forced me to defy all the written rules of sisterhood and common decency. With this new information I tried to stay away from you and to be mature about what had happened and ignore the fact that you had used me, the fact that you had taken advantage of my naivety and my openness. But you were everywhere I looked, everywhere I went and you would reel me back in with empty promises and sweet talkings. You would tell me how beautiful I was and how you thought I was one of the most fascinating people you had ever met and so we went round in pointless and painful circles. You would hurt me and I would let you. You had even somehow let me believe that this was my idea and you were going along for the ride. To this day I still don’t know if you were right. Was it my fault? Could I have done more to prevent this? I shall spend years contemplating this. But because of you, I have grown – you took away my innocence and left me damaged. Things have been over for years, but you still obtain such a large space in my thoughts and I need closure, a concluding end to this chapter in my life that will always make me feel shame. So this is it. This is me saying goodbye to you, and that I will soon be the person I was once again. This is also me saying sorry, sorry that I let you hurt me, it wont happen again.

Lucy

26 comments:

  1. Does this work? Can you just say this is my goodbye and let go of it all? Because I have been trying, and I can't, and for the past 3 months I have woken up every morning kinda wishing I just hadn't woken up ever again. I didn't realise it could hurt so badly.

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  2. It will get easier, as time goes by the pain will subside. Unfortunetly there is no expected time, it just happens on its own. It hurts like hell and it feels like someone rips out your soul. At least thats exactly how I felt. I lost who I thought was my bestfriend, boyfriend, person I would end up marrying. He broke everything and took every bit of me away. I was fighting breast cancer and decided to break up with me two days before my surgery. Life really did suck but if you don't force yourself to move on and be free, HE is the one who wins. He wants to see you hurt and falter. One morning you will wake up happy to be alive. I do now, but I also have my days. I miss him even though it sounds crazy but eventually that will go away too. There is someone out there that will recognize your strength and see how beautiful you are! I hope this made ya feel better <3

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  3. @Anon April 15 4:16 PM

    I know so much how you feel. I've been in that state for more than seven months, of trying to say goodbye and let go. I promise you it will get better. I have a hard time convincing myself some days, but most of the time I just push myself out there to make it. You will make it. You will be okay. I hope you'll believe that.

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  4. It is so hard for me to let go. its been almost two and a half years and i still cannot get over him. I don't know if that means something, or if i'm just terrible at letting go. But all i know is the guy i'm with now will never be the guy i had before and that is why i can't fall in love with this guy. i'm still holding on and it seems like no matter how hard i try i never can let it go. its always there and he always comes back to me somehow someway. i dont know what to do anymore.

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  5. I related so much to this that it's astonishing. Stay strong. Soon, before you even realize it, you will be you again. :)

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  6. Please stay strong.
    I was so sad reading it..

    Please be strong.

    I've once read a quote saying,
    you've spend your whole life without him before,
    why can't you do it now?

    So I'm sure you will be able to start anew.
    Be yourself once again :)





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  7. I too was the other woman without knowing it. And to have to let go of the person who did that to you is so much harder than anyone realizes. We all grow up thinking if anyone hurts me in this way (cheating, lying, mental/physical abuse), I'd instantly forget their existence but thats rarely the case. This will probably be a huge task to take on, but first and foremost, let yourself feel hurt, dont be ashamed because its alright to not always be okay. It'll take time but you'll soon see him for what he truly is, and I can speak from experience when I tell you that the person you fell for is not the person he is, and that means that one day you can look back at the memories and still smile but not have any feelings towards him because its not him that you're in love with, but the way you two were and how he was able to make you feel. I hope this makes some sense, and I hope that you dont punish yourself because it was not your fault.

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  8. I've been through the same and it took me years to get over him, because he abused me physical and mental, I also took therapy for a year. But now years later, when I look at it, I think it was good, because it made me so much stronger and wiser. Now I can be happy without him, but sometimes memories come back.
    I promise you you'll be happy one day!

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  9. why do we let people into our hearts that hurt us? and push people away that love us?

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  10. I could relate to this so much. I just want closure. Everyday, I still think of him.

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  11. Love is the most amazing thing that we can feel...

    http://loveyouinspireme.blogspot.com/

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  12. The saying 'time heals' is so true. But how long or short that time is varies...

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  13. I know how it feels,been in a similar predicament. don't doubt yourself.

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  14. The lesson is always in the struggle, not in the victory. Brace yourself!

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  15. For a long time, i had thought a person the i liked was everything. To me, he was the only person the world, and everything the i had seen, seem with he. It was very stifling, because i haven't opened my heart for other people.

    Your words are my inspiration!

    :D

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  16. I've been through a similar situation and I've clung on to that person for a while. It's hard letting go and accepting that they're not the best person in your life, but you've got to be strong and learn to stand on your own two feet again. I'm trying to be strong now and it's so far going well but it's taken me about a year and a half! So it's hard work but it can be achieved. It also helps if you have people who can support you and make it public that you're going to get over whoever it is. Repeat it to yourself! I will be strong. I'm going to get over him/her and hopefully you'll heal over time. Remember to always be happy and yeah, don't ever let anyone hurt you again! Also think positive thoughts like it's his lost for losing you because you know you're a fantastic person and he is missing out big time!
    Push those painful reminders of him away and think happy thoughts! He's not the only person who can make you feel special. Be happy! :)

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  17. Is staying away from Picses I hope...

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  18. You've taken the words out of my mouth, the thoughts out of my head, and the emotions out of my heart... Thank you. One day at a time all things will come full circle.

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  19. This poem is from some other page, i want to share it :

    "//Stay

    My whole life waiting for the right time
    To tell you how I feel.
    Know I try to tell you that I need you.
    Here I am without you.
    I feel so lost but what can I do?
    ‘Cause I know this love seems real
    But I don’t know how to feel.

    We say goodbye in the pouring rain
    And I break down as you walk away.
    Stay, stay.
    ‘Cause all my life I felt this way
    But I could never find the words to say
    Stay, stay.

    Alright, everything is alright
    Since you came along
    And before you
    I had nowhere to run to
    Nothing to hold on to
    I came so close to giving it up.
    And I wonder if you know
    How it feels to let you go?

    You say goodbye in the pouring rain
    And I break down as you walk away.
    Stay, stay.
    ‘Cause all my life I felt this way
    But I could never find the words to say
    Stay, stay.

    So you change your mind
    And say you’re mine.
    Don’t leave tonight
    Stay.

    Say goodbye in the pouring rain
    And I break down as you walk away.
    Stay, stay.
    ‘Cause all my life I felt this way
    But I could never find the words to say
    Stay, stay.

    Stay with me, stay with me,
    Stay with me, stay with me,
    Stay, stay, stay, stay with me."

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  20. This is beautiful, thank you for sharing!

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  21. i was in a similar situation, and i think about him almost the all time. i feel so obsessive and i dont know why i cant just let him go in every single way. i deleted him out of my life except for in my head and heart. i cant help but hope that hes not seeing anyone because i dont want him to move on, even tho he hurt me so bad and im so angry at him. its so complicated...

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  22. Goodness, there is a lot of worthwhile info above!

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  23. Very effective piece of writing, thanks for your post.

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