Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I pushed you away.


unknown

Today I woke up, and I felt empty inside. This isn’t the first time this has happened recently, in fact for the past two months this is how I’ve been feeling every day. I keep trying to pinpoint what is making me feel this way, blaming it on the fact that I hate my job. Then blaming stress, and then blaming anything I could that wasn’t the truth. However the fact of the matter is, I’m feeling empty because the person that I love is miles away.

We met in the strangest way, and our time together was simple and yet so incredible. The few months that we spent together were some of the happiest months of my life. Every time you came to visit me, I felt a kind of happiness that I can’t even explain; and every time you left I counted down the days until I would see you again. I fell for you after only knowing you for a few days, and after that I just continued to fall. I loved the simple text messages you would send me every morning, telling me how beautiful I was and how much you missed me. I loved the way you smelled like cigarettes, I loved your tattoos, and I loved your smile. I even loved your friends; I looked forward to seeing them almost as much as I looked forward to seeing you. You were everything to me, the person who brought me back to life after I had thought my days of loving another were over.

I was so happy that it seemed like nothing could bring me down, but a fear that I knew all too well was creeping up on me, as it had done with all of my past relationships. I was now so afraid of what life would be like without you that I convinced myself that everything would be easier if I ended our relationship before I began to rely on you too much. I pushed you away. I let you go. Now I don’t think I will ever forgive myself.

Time passed, and we stayed in touch. We often made plans to reunite, but of course that never worked out. Before I knew it you were leaving, moving even further away. I told myself that this would be for the best, that I could finally get over you. The funny thing is, now my love for you is even stronger. The boys that I date seem dull, and this makes me miss you even more. These boys can’t make me laugh the way you did, the sight of them doesn’t make me feel like the happiest girl in the world. This is how you made me feel every time I saw you.

We now talk more than we ever did, and everyday I think about telling you all of this. If you felt the same way, I would hop on a plane and fly to wherever you are. I’ve come to realize that my life here is nothing without you. But if your feelings for me are long gone, I don’t think I could handle hearing you tell me this. It would kill me.

So, I’m stuck. I will continue to wake up every day feeling empty and I will carry on with my day-to-day life, until maybe, just maybe, you decide to tell me that I’m not alone in this and that you too have felt empty since we’ve been apart.

-Anonymous

33 comments:

  1. Oh my god, this is so heartbreaking. But you must tell him! I know how you feel though, I fell for my best friend and I couldn’t say anything in fear of losing him. But, when you two are talking, and the topic is somewhere near, just joke around about it and see what he says… If not, you have to tell him another way. You can’t live your life in regret, life is way too short! You have to be with the one you love!
    Good luck! xx

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  2. Omg. I can't believe this, but I am also in the same situation. I have also been communicating with this one person and because we are miles away and of my past relationships, I feel empty. I hope you will feel better and that you will be happy again! I wish you the best!
    :)

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  3. If a man loves you he will pursue you.

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  4. Dear Anonymous,
    I am currently in the same situation. I met someone only for a few days and fell madly in love with him. We text and skype and talk on the phone all the time and i don't think it is possible to like him even more than I do now. But heres the thing...

    You can't push away something that is so magical and beautiful in your life. I don't know the context of your situation entirely but if the issue is distance then you must forget it. Love can literally conquer anything! No matter what obstacles come along. Live in the moment and stop worrying about whats going to happen the next day, or in a few months or even a year. Live for now, live for this urgent feel for desire and lust and love. Because this type of feeling is rare and usually comes once in your life.

    SO hop on the next plane you can and go see this boy! Express your love and attack him with kisses and hugs. If your love is as strong as you have described it to be then he will completely embrace you back.

    Dont let this love or this moment pass you by!
    BEST OF LUCK.

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  5. I say go for it,
    if it's meant to be it'll happen.
    If it doesn't then at least you gave it a chance instead of settling with a dream.
    :)

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  6. Oh my gosh. I feel as if I'm the one who wrote this. I feel for you so much! But I imagine you have more hope than me, because the one I loved and lost already has someone new.

    I encourage you to build yourself up and to try to let him know. I wish your story would have a better ending than mine.

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  7. You have to let him know. What if he feels the same way, he hasn't let you go either! And even so, for you to be able to let him go, you need to hear that he's over you from him. But believe in your feelings and believe in the two of you. Tell him, let him know he's loved. All the best of luck!

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  8. This article is good., i think i am no fall in love.,

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  9. I think that you should do what you have to do. listen to your heart and then you see what ise the best way out of this situation. don't listen to somebody else or your thoughts, they don't know the right answer. I know it's hard and you feel pain inside of you but remember if it meant to be it'll happen.

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  10. An amazing story. I hope everything works out for you!

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  11. I held my breath while reading this... incredible, it's absolutely the situation I'm into right now.. thank you so much for writing this..
    xx

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  12. Please, PLEASE don't let him slip away again!

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  13. OMG..
    I read the whole story like any poetry. It was just flowing like water.. your though is so pure and natural.. I love the way you express your feeling..

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  14. Please I ask that you tell him how you feel.
    I know it will be hard to hear if he does not feel the same way, but what if he does?

    If you keep going this way you may lose him forever, and I don't want that to happen to you.

    Being honest can be difficult, I know, I am one of those people who never tells the boy how I feel and I have suffered so much because of it. I don't want the same to happen to you!

    If you told him and he didnt have the same feelings, it will suck, it will be horrible, but atleast you will know you did everything you could. It will hurt for a long time, but slowly you will wake up and feel less empty, and everyday will get a bit easier.

    BUT if you tell him and he feels the same way, you will be together again, the way you wished it had always been.

    Please take a chance on the love you have! Don't let it go.

    I believe in love and I hope for the best for you!

    <3

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  15. Please just tell him!! If you are talking more than ever he is obviously invested in you, he keeps in touch and i personally think that says a lot. Be brave, the reward is so much greater than the risk in this case. :)

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  16. Advice from someone who has been there:

    I lost the love of my life the same way, after 2 years apart, i decided to tell him how i felt and he was married.He told me back then he felt the same way and if i did tell him, we would be together now.

    I loved this guy for 5 years with all my heart, but was so scared of getting hurt and now im more hurt than ever, so please jut tell him, you will hate yourself later. Its been 1 year since he got married and im still crying and hurting over this. Please dont do that to yourself.

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  17. "We now talk more than we ever did, and everyday I think about telling you all of this. If you felt the same way, I would hop on a plane and fly to wherever you are. I’ve come to realize that my life here is nothing without you. But if your feelings for me are long gone, I don’t think I could handle hearing you tell me this. It would kill me."

    ahhh
    omg I was literally in the same position...and so I told him. everything...but he said he doesn't know anymore. he said he has no black and white answer for me. I am so heartbroken I almost wish I never told him.

    I really would fly to where he is right now if he felt the same... but i think his feelings are slowly going away ... and I want to cry.

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  18. You have GOT to tell him.

    Don't live the rest of your life wondering what might have been.

    WK

    http://diariesofanadulterer.blogspot.com/

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  19. This is beautiful and touching....I am a very firm beliver in the law of attraction. His thinking about you and your thinking about him will bring you back together...what you think about, you bring about
    GRETA
    http://talesfromthefootfarm.blogspot.com/

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  20. Thank you all for your advice, it has really helped me. Thank you for reading my story!

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  21. gosh, this is written in amazing, hear touching way :(

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  22. OMG I cried while reading this. I know how you feel, I feel your every word...I met him on my vaccation 1,5 years ago. The very first time we spoke to eachother it was magical. It was something I have never felt before. And although we live in different countries, the distance between us is not that far. But both of us were very focused on our jobs at the time and we couldnt find a compromise. Last summer we broke up because we kind of thought that it was doomed from the very first start. We had no future together. I was sad but I knew I had to let him go so I packed my bags and traveled for two months. When I came back to Sweden after my summer vaccation, he texted me. He missed me. I missed him. We met again, and again, and every month for a couple days I was happy, I was in love. I have never felt like this before. We couldnt let eachother go. And even if we broke it of a couple of times, we somehow found our way back to eachother. A year went by. But here we are again. He is slipping away...I dont know what to do. I love him but at the same time I want him to say it to me too. I want him to say that he can not live without me. That I am the one. And maybe then, maybe I would pack my bags, leave my life here and just move to him..

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  23. Comments # 26 = 2 + 6 = 8
    NAME WITH M❤:DDLE
    Without...

    Next,

    I love you.

    N❤

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  24. @julia The idea to pursue is all well and good, but if she was the one to push away, it would make more sense for her to pursue. If he cares about her he might not want to pursue for fear of destroying the little that he does have, or because he doesn't want to see her hurt.

    OP, tell him how you feel, tell him of your fears.

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  25. You should definately call him! It's so weird to see that so many people have a similar story. I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago..we also had a long-distance relationship. The first months it was magic! He came to visit me, I went to visit him and so on. And when we were appart, every text message made me so happy. It was the first time I was truly in love with someone. And the last time I went to see him, I found a girl's necklace in his room. I was heartbroken. In the end he told me that he wasn't in love with me anymore. That he didn't feel the same as he did in the beggining. I am still sad and I think about him a lot. I hope I will get over him soon. And I do hope your story will have a happy end!

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  26. So sad, but love it's like this, fragile as glass hard to get as trust.

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  27. I think everybody should glance at this.

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  28. Quite worthwhile material, thank you for the post.

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  29. ohhh i can so relate to you..man sometimes i dont know whether to laugh, cry, or smile when i think of him...i need him so much...i dont even laugh anymore, smile like i used to....when people talk to me..im not listening..really just thinking of him...we talked on the phone recently and he said everything to me..how he felt and it touched me ..no guy has ever said that to me and i need him too...i miss you and love you

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  30. im in the exact same situation right now.

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