lauryn holmquist
i've fallen in love. at least i feel like so.
he gives me no heart attacks. no butterflies when we meet.
but i long for every hug, for every touch, for every do you need a hand?
we've gone to school together for a year now and found each other instantly. we've got so much in common. and he is so genuine, honest, caring; but knows my borders and never minimizes or overprotects me. so when he says i know you that well, i can't help but feel loved. and watching him listen to me and deeply engage in our conversations - how can i not feel clever? and when i see the way he looks at me, how can i help but feel anything else than beautiful?
he does not have eyes like the sky, nor thick curly hair to run one's fingers through. his breath is actually quite bad, i hate the fact that he uses the xD-smiley and he is much better off without that beanie he insists on wearing.
i don't know if i'm in love, because i can see his flaws. i believe i might not be, because i don't lay awake in bed night after night. i've never loved anybody because of how they treated me; but then again i've never loved anyone the way i love him.
but perhaps, stopping here wouldn't be that bad after all. in that very phase where something is just emerging in our chests, where there's something abstract in the air. where both know it shouldn't have ended already, might just be the perfect spot to do so. so that expectations may grow, so that temptation may flow.
yet it feels so good when he leans in closely, closely, when i'm sad; oh and the way he says my name. and it feels so good being the first one he calls when he needs help.
as i grope for the light switch he says nevermind and puts a warm hand on my back; he'd rather guide me through the dark than let me walk alone in the yellow light. it may be quiet but in our heads we talk, and a hand on a back easily becomes an arm around a waist. i feel safe with him, and being close to him is what i always find myself pursuing.
i can't be just your friend anymore. even though a part of me dislikes the thought of our lips meeting, our bodies connecting, our friendship transforming, my biggest security being completely tossed around - there is no denying. my knees are not weak, my pulse is steady and i will stay independent, but i ask you to keep me as yours, if i can have you in return.
we found each other instantly, cookie. we should probably stick around.
maybe this is love after all.
