Thursday, March 10, 2011

maybe this is love after all.


lauryn holmquist

i've fallen in love. at least i feel like so.
he gives me no heart attacks. no butterflies when we meet.

but i long for every hug, for every touch, for every do you need a hand?

we've gone to school together for a year now and found each other instantly. we've got so much in common. and he is so genuine, honest, caring; but knows my borders and never minimizes or overprotects me. so when he says i know you that well, i can't help but feel loved. and watching him listen to me and deeply engage in our conversations - how can i not feel clever? and when i see the way he looks at me, how can i help but feel anything else than beautiful?

he does not have eyes like the sky, nor thick curly hair to run one's fingers through. his breath is actually quite bad, i hate the fact that he uses the xD-smiley and he is much better off without that beanie he insists on wearing.
i don't know if i'm in love, because i can see his flaws. i believe i might not be, because i don't lay awake in bed night after night. i've never loved anybody because of how they treated me; but then again i've never loved anyone the way i love him.

but perhaps, stopping here wouldn't be that bad after all. in that very phase where something is just emerging in our chests, where there's something abstract in the air. where both know it shouldn't have ended already, might just be the perfect spot to do so. so that expectations may grow, so that temptation may flow.

yet it feels so good when he leans in closely, closely, when i'm sad; oh and the way he says my name. and it feels so good being the first one he calls when he needs help.
as i grope for the light switch he says nevermind and puts a warm hand on my back; he'd rather guide me through the dark than let me walk alone in the yellow light. it may be quiet but in our heads we talk, and a hand on a back easily becomes an arm around a waist. i feel safe with him, and being close to him is what i always find myself pursuing.

i can't be just your friend anymore. even though a part of me dislikes the thought of our lips meeting, our bodies connecting, our friendship transforming, my biggest security being completely tossed around - there is no denying. my knees are not weak, my pulse is steady and i will stay independent, but i ask you to keep me as yours, if i can have you in return.

we found each other instantly, cookie. we should probably stick around.
maybe this is love after all.

23 comments:

  1. i am so much in common with the writer.i understand her...,but i have yet found the guy that understand me..u guys should stick together.

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  2. I've never read about someone who feels the same way that I feel for my wonderful boyfriend. I didn't feel like there was butterflies in my stomach or anything like that in the beginning, I just liked him alot and knew I was falling in love. And now, I'm certain of being in love with him and I want to be with him forever.
    Give it a try!!! :)

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  3. It's almost scary how you just put words to what I feel about a guy I'm seeing at the moment. Or he's not "just a guy I'm seening", he's my friend since five years ago but our relationship changes a couple of month ago. And now, well I don't know what we are. But you just describe what I feel about him. He has so many flaw, there are no butterflies, but still - I can't wait 'til we meet again, 'til he holds me or spend hours listening to me

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  4. Emilia: I feel the exact way! So weird..

    A truly beautiful text!

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  5. once you can see and recognize someone's flaws and still accept them for it, its love plain and simple.

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  6. I can only agree with the others. Wow, so scary, the timing of this post. I mean, I'm just dealing with the same thing and wondering, is it enough? Should you settle? I want crazy, can't eat can't sleep love. Won't it be boring if everything is steady? Plain. IS it wrong to ask for more?

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  7. You just always take my breath away with you writings ,,

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  8. I've got the same thing here. and even though i've kissed the guy i like, i'm still not sure if it would be such a good idea to have him as my boyfriend. I'm just afraid that his flaws will make me go crazy in the end...

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  9. Alice of LovelandMarch 11, 2011 at 5:21 PM

    I felt this way about a month ago, right around Valentines Day, and for about a year or so before it. I kissed the guy I'd been almost sure I was in love with in September, secretly, and we'd been talking ever since. I moved away in December so we'd chat every day on Skype and send emails, sometimes about important things and other times the stupidest conversations. I told him on Valentines Day that I really liked him and showed him the valentine i made him, only to be rejected and told that he had been casually doing things with other girls since I'd left.
    I'm so glad you feel that way about a good guy, because I hope you don't end up having it crash down upon you.

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  10. maybe you're not in love with him. Maybe you're in love with yourself when you are with him....

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  11. This is so damn poetic

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  12. its a very intrestign story if i could call it in this way ,amazing post .visit my blog too peace

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  13. i once try, A boy love me to much and he was perfect in paper, I convince myself that this was enough, sorry it didnt work for me. I couldnt settle, i ended hurting him. I just need passion, for me its better to be alone than this way.

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  14. you are wrong. that aint love! how is it that you cannot see, that all you're doing is trying convincing yourself that it is love? IF IT'S REAL YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT, TRUST ME. If it's real, then... you don't hesitate the way that you do. ''A part of me dislikes the thought of our lips meeting'' .. that's just wrong in so many ways. You are not only treating yourself badly, but the person you're with. Break it up. You will know it's love when you feel it. Both of you deserve so much better

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  15. you're infatuated with him.

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  16. If you have found something good then don't let it go. Hold on to him and don't bring doubt into the relationship if it is far from needed. Lose yourself in the feeling with the person you find yourself naturally drawn to but don't forget to use your head but not too the point where you over thinking things too much. The outcomes for falling in Love isn't always bad, unless there is doubt from either party. <3

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  17. i felt the same way about a guy for a while. we'd known eachother for about 7 months before we got together, but 3 or 4 weeks into a relationship, i realized that i wasn't in love, it was just an amazing friendship. i saw his flaws too, he didn't really make me feel all hyperactive and tingly, and i wasn't particularly excited about kissing him. so i ended it and it felt right, at least for me. we're still good friends now, but i realized that besides a friend, i also need some passion in a relationship.

    don't try to make yourself fall in love, just let it be. if it feels just right - it's right.

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  18. I've been in the exact same situation.. Things happened, him and I were somewhat in a relationship - on and off for almost two years and in the end I lost not only the person i loved, but also my best friend. I still see him sometimes, but we can't even talk probably anymore.. Be carefull with mixing friendship with relationship. i guess for some people it works, but for most - it dosn't.

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  19. i felt the exact same way about a boyfriend i had dated for two years. i loved him, but i wasn't in love with him. since we broke up, i've fallen madly in love with my best friend, and now it confirms that i should have never spent so much effort trying to be in love with some one i wasn't meant for. all i could think about was how unthrilling it was, and now i have butterflies everything i see my boyfriend, even after knowing him for five years.
    whatever you do, however this turns out for you, learn and grow. and i hope one day your stomach is filled from butterflies either from him or some one else that comes along. open yourself up.

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  20. oh, dear, you are just an insecure brat looking for self assurance

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  21. I hope you don't take this as criticism at all, but it doesn't sound like love.
    With love you'll instantly know.

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  22. Very worthwhile piece of writing, thank you for your article.

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