Tuesday, March 22, 2011
i feel like a fool
I was freaking out the whole time that I walked from my gate to the end of the street. I tried to keep my pace steady with my friend, Sam. Nervousness and anticipation overwhelmed me as the blue car came into view. It was parked to one side of the street. With each step that I took towards it my heart started beating faster and faster. I tired to fix my eyes on something other than the car itself but my preoccupied mind would not let me do so.
I glanced at Sam and judging from her face it seemed that she was as nervous and anxious as I was.
"Oh My God, Oh My God", she cried.
"I know! Oh My God, I can't do this" I said laughing nervously.
Finally we reached the car. A mixture of dread and excitement formed inside of me. Sam shoved me in front of herself. My knees felt weak as I grabbed the handle. Before I could change my mind I pulled the door open and got inside the backseat of the car.
To my surprise, I was face to face with him. My heart stopped beating. This was NOT happening. I was not going to sit next to him all the way to his concert. I could not do this.
I gave him a sheepish smile and greeted him with a muffled "hi." Sam got in the car beside me shutting the door behind her.
He just had to open his mouth, didn't he? Gosh, his voice. I turned my head towards him as he introduced us to his two friends sitting in the front. The instant I met his gaze I turned away blushing.
I tried to calm down. To keep my hands from shaking I buried them in my lap. My heart started beating more rhythmically.
For the next ten minutes neither of us spoke a word except for his two friends who were constantly bickering about something I could care less of.
I guess at this point I should have started some sort of conversation. But then he spoke. A smile spread across his face.
Oh God I thought. Waves of emotions passed through me. My heart skipped a beat. Butterflies swarmed through my stomach as I turned to see his face which was five inches away from me. Oh crap I thought. My heart was pounding so loudly as I struggled for the right words to say. But before my face could give away anything I tore my eyes away from him. I let my hair fall forward to hide my cheeks which burned from blushing.
I couldn't comprehend what was happening. I tired to occupy my mind with other thoughts by talking to Sam. I knew she knew how I felt but being the reserved person I was, I still hadn't admitted it to her.
That was two and a half years ago. The first guy and the first time I ever fell in love with someone. Today, I feel like I fool. For giving someone so much of importance. For trusting someone more than anyone else. For believing every word he ever said to me. For falling in love with him.