Friday, March 4, 2011
how I helped my boyfriend to fall out of love wih me
The story I'm about to tell you might make me sound like a first-class idiot, like an obsessive high-jealous girlfriend or a striking paranoid chick.
I am not.
And the truth of the matter is that everything was based on pure love.
It was 2006 and I was in my first serious relationship, I had been for a year and we were having our first dip. I knew that it was temporary and I knew that we would be going on strong pretty soon again, until I got my stupid-ass idea.
(I do not want to blame it all on Oprah, but it was actually because of her show that I was even thinking about the cheat-trap, that we came to call it.)
The entire cheat-trap sets your boyfriend up to be tricked into flirting with a random girl, which in actual fact, is you. A friend of mine and I decided to play out this roll over the Live Messenger, borrowing a couple of pictures from another friend of mine, living upstate.
Instead of making it all up we used her entire identity to make her sound as real as possible, to even a few times having her online so that we could send him (as in him; my formerly boyfriend) newly taken pictures of her. It worked, he fell for it, and we had very fun pretending to be someone we were not. The whole point was to flirt with him very harmlessly to see if he would flirt back, and we happened to talk for an entire month. We started to talk about every subject possible, since I had been his girlfriend for the past year I knew exactly which qualities he preferred from a person and features he did not like, and I think there was where I did my biggest mistake.
I created his perfect girlfriend.
We talked more and more often and gradually we started to discuss even more private things. I asked him an awful lot of questions about me, his girlfriend, and I tried to promote myself some.
(How sad am I?)
(Remember this was 2006 before you make any judgments)
And somehow it did not seem weird to me. One day he asked for my phone number and I was caught off guard, I gave him the number to the one who started this all with me and since my boyfriend knew all of my best friends I could not get her to have a fake conversation with him. Instead we started to text each other and I was so into playing the roll of the other girl that I forgot to text him myself.
It was not until he started giving "me" compliments that I realized what was happening, this girl was not his girlfriend, I was. But they had something more similar to a relationship by the time than he and I did, which caused me terrible confusion.
He started to tell me how much he loved my ways, my carefree attitude, my positive ways on seeing things, how well-grounded I was in soccer, my spontaneous manner, the priorities of mine and the way I brought his spirit out of him. He wanted to see me so badly he could not manage himself and he said he had spent a couple of nights thinking about me.
He fell for me.
He fell for me all over again.
He fell for me all over again through another woman's identity. Through her pictures, her name and her email address.
But he never had the courtesy to tell me. His girlfriend.
It hit me pretty hard when I realized it. Even though he never mentioned anything about her looks or appearance in any way, he somehow managed to break my heart by falling for the character which he talked to constantly behind my back.
We broke up shortly after this whole predicament. I confronted him, to his defense he "knew it was a fake person all along"
(Stupid guys, why are you so bad at excuses?)
(Like "Oops, I thought it was you")
(Or "We are just friends")
and I learned from my mistake. Sort of.
Never strain to analyze your boyfriend, don't be suspicious over a knickknack, avoid holding on to him too tight, master your emotional breakdowns and never take him for granted. Stay the way you were when you first met each other and change for the better, think long-term and give away what you would want in return.
I do not claim that they are all good men, I just know that they are all not bad.