Friday, March 4, 2011

how I helped my boyfriend to fall out of love wih me

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The story I'm about to tell you might make me sound like a first-class idiot, like an obsessive high-jealous girlfriend or a striking paranoid chick.

I am not.

And the truth of the matter is that everything was based on pure love.

It was 2006 and I was in my first serious relationship, I had been for a year and we were having our first dip. I knew that it was temporary and I knew that we would be going on strong pretty soon again, until I got my stupid-ass idea.

(I do not want to blame it all on Oprah, but it was actually because of her show that I was even thinking about the cheat-trap, that we came to call it.)

The entire cheat-trap sets your boyfriend up to be tricked into flirting with a random girl, which in actual fact, is you. A friend of mine and I decided to play out this roll over the Live Messenger, borrowing a couple of pictures from another friend of mine, living upstate.

Instead of making it all up we used her entire identity to make her sound as real as possible, to even a few times having her online so that we could send him (as in him; my formerly boyfriend) newly taken pictures of her. It worked, he fell for it, and we had very fun pretending to be someone we were not. The whole point was to flirt with him very harmlessly to see if he would flirt back, and we happened to talk for an entire month. We started to talk about every subject possible, since I had been his girlfriend for the past year I knew exactly which qualities he preferred from a person and features he did not like, and I think there was where I did my biggest mistake.

I created his perfect girlfriend.

We talked more and more often and gradually we started to discuss even more private things. I asked him an awful lot of questions about me, his girlfriend, and I tried to promote myself some.

(How sad am I?)

(Remember this was 2006 before you make any judgments)

And somehow it did not seem weird to me. One day he asked for my phone number and I was caught off guard, I gave him the number to the one who started this all with me and since my boyfriend knew all of my best friends I could not get her to have a fake conversation with him. Instead we started to text each other and I was so into playing the roll of the other girl that I forgot to text him myself.

It was not until he started giving "me" compliments that I realized what was happening, this girl was not his girlfriend, I was. But they had something more similar to a relationship by the time than he and I did, which caused me terrible confusion.

He started to tell me how much he loved my ways, my carefree attitude, my positive ways on seeing things, how well-grounded I was in soccer, my spontaneous manner, the priorities of mine and the way I brought his spirit out of him. He wanted to see me so badly he could not manage himself and he said he had spent a couple of nights thinking about me.

He fell for me.

He fell for me all over again.

He fell for me all over again through another woman's identity. Through her pictures, her name and her email address.

But he never had the courtesy to tell me. His girlfriend.

It hit me pretty hard when I realized it. Even though he never mentioned anything about her looks or appearance in any way, he somehow managed to break my heart by falling for the character which he talked to constantly behind my back.

We broke up shortly after this whole predicament. I confronted him, to his defense he "knew it was a fake person all along"

(Stupid guys, why are you so bad at excuses?)

(Like "Oops, I thought it was you")

(Or "We are just friends")

and I learned from my mistake. Sort of.

Never strain to analyze your boyfriend, don't be suspicious over a knickknack, avoid holding on to him too tight, master your emotional breakdowns and never take him for granted. Stay the way you were when you first met each other and change for the better, think long-term and give away what you would want in return.

I do not claim that they are all good men, I just know that they are all not bad.

-anonymous

65 comments:

  1. Sounds like you stopped being his girlfriend; not that he stopped being your boyfriend.

    You created this ending for yourself.

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  2. It's great that you learned from this. I think to learn about relationships always takes weird incidents like this, too. Don't be embarrassed!


    -J

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  3. What did you think would happen? sounds like you made your bed...

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  4. They don't call it young and foolish for nothing.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

    You obviously know what you did was wrong, and you don't need others passing judgement confirming what you already know.

    You've grown up, learnt from a foolish mistake, and your paragraph "Never strain to analyze your boyfriend, don't be suspicious over a knickknack, avoid holding on to him too tight, master your emotional breakdowns and never take him for granted. Stay the way you were when you first met each other and change for the better, think long-term and give away what you would want in return" is exactly what I believe a pure, honest and great relationship requires.

    Best of luck for the future,
    We were all silly girls at one stage,
    some just grow up and realise how stupid we were, some just continuing being young minded.

    xoxox

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  5. Thank you for sharing my story!

    I love your comments, I truly learned from my mistake and today, five years later, I have the best relationship ever with a drop-dead gorgeous man.

    XO

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  6. I honestly don't know how I feel about this. I didn't expect it to go where it did and I'm so confused why you were so into being someone else but being you at the same time.

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  7. Thnks for this post, makes me feel like im not the only one to make ludicrous harm.

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  8. It's a real nice post,

    You learned with this story, and that's what is important here...

    thanks for sharing

    xoxo

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  9. oh god this is hilarious.

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  10. I love the content , it really is a bit funny though. Coulda happen to anyone.

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  11. I'm sorry but this IS idiotic, obsessive, controlling, paranoid behavior. Either way it's obvious that the relationship wasn't very strong to begin with.

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  13. Very brave of you to share this with all of us. You sure made your way out of it. Hugs from belgium.

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  14. Start being honest to yourself and your partner, that's when you will experience true love. I hope you were under 18 back then...

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  15. I loved this post, and anyone who doesn't see the point of it should probably reread it. This blog isn't to call people stupid or tell them they made their own bed, it's about sharing stories about love and loss and how to cope. The best part about this is that you learned from your mistake and became a better girlfriend for it. Everyone is entitled to be young and naive, and I'm glad that you've grown and can allow yourself to have a more mature relationship in the future. Good luck!

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  16. Totally agree with the latest comment. way too go jennifer!

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  17. Self-destruction... I've been there when in relationships. We tend to treat them as kind of experiments without realising it, and then when insecurities arise, a side of us we never knew existed can appear! Good luck with the next one and keep sane!

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  18. this is straight up tragic. like, freakin shakespear or something..wow.

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  19. Alice of LovelandMarch 5, 2011 at 3:57 PM

    I think we can all say we've done something to the extreme for the sake of love before, but maybe not as exaggerated as this circumstance.
    Although I do enjoy the pun of him cheating on you with yourself...

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  20. Wow, i cannot tell you how much i needed this at this exact moment. Lately i've been going through this really crazy paranoid, jealous phase that came out of nowhere. It is making me crazy and anxious and i get suspicious over everything- mind you he's never given me a reason.

    It is completely ruining my relationship and my self. So much to the point where tonight my boyfriend broke down and cried (he never cries in front of me) and told me how much he loves me but if i do not change he can't do this because it's affecting him so much.

    So thank you. Thank you for putting your story out there for whatever reactions you were going to get. In a way, thank you for your mistake- i needed it.

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  21. Sounds like you learnt a really valuable life lesson.

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  22. Everyone gets jealous...it's a natural human emotion...if we didn't get jealous/angry/upset we wouldn't be human.....just don't let it get to this point!! There has to be trust in a relationship or else you have nothing!

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  23. I needed to read this tonight... I'm not a kid anymore, although all my previous relationships were actually just flings, dating casually, I'd get involved emotionally while the guy at the time was just having fun and I'd always get my heart broken. So, I would say I'm in my first real relationship, going on one year. I have a lot of insecurities and fears and lately we have and lately we've had a lot of arugments, fighting and it has left me feeling vulnerable. I'm constantly analyzing his every word, response, move. I go over his cell phone, I go over his everything and I hate myself for it. So, what you said "Never strain to analyze your boyfriend, don't be suspicious over a knickknack, avoid holding on to him too tight, master your emotional breakdowns and never take him for granted. Stay the way you were when you first met each other and change for the better, think long-term and give away what you would want in return." is exaclt what I needed to hear, and be reminded to be myself because I feel I have lost who I was in my own insecurities.
    Thank you!

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  24. This is the dumbest thing I have ever read. What exactly was the point? Or are you actually that obsessive? I think I would have preferred to actually spend time with my boyfriend then play this game that admittedly, went on for a lot longer than it should have. I have to agree with the first commenter, you did make the ending for yourself. Sorry, but I find this entire story so utterly absurd hahaha.

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  25. I've done this before, but it only took an hour to get my boyfriend to meet "me" on a dating site, say he didn't have a girlfriend, and set up a coffee date. I ambushed him at an out of town coffee shop and gave him shit in public.

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  26. There are so many things wrong with this story I honestly don't know where to start.

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  27. nutty, you should be ashamed

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  28. U just made me feel like i have a friend out there in cyper space .. n to all of u who don get the whole point , try be ina relationship with someone who doesn worship u like he musta havent. n rememba it was her first relationship n five years ago n she was obviously not very old. i may be speakin for myself but i had my first relationship at the age of 14.

    strong of u to share it. hope the 8 of u feel ashamed for urselves, thats not the way to respond to someone sharing her young mistakes. i know where victimization comes from!!!!!!!

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  29. Thank you for sharing this lesson. It was exactly what I needed to hear this morning.

    xo

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  30. I'm sorry that happened to you but I must say that was a brillant piece of ironic humor. It would make a great book.

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  33. I’ve been a follower of this blog since it started, practically. I've shared a story here a year ago, when I was heartbroken and lonely. You all understood… I don't know when the camaraderie, community, sisterhood or what have you, changed that now we past judgment and make someone feel stupid, when we ALL have been desperate enough to do stupid things and we know it! We all make mistakes when we are in love and when things are bad in the relationships we are in, we get desperate and sometimes we screw things up; in past relationships and present ones. We all learn as we go, so for people to say "you made your bed, this was stupid, what were you thinking, etc. " Why don't you examine your own mistakes and actually respect someone for sharing their experience and their knowledge after this. I thought we here were above petty comments.

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  34. Your blog is so inspiring, I'm loving it <3
    I love the concept of it!

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  35. That was such a great wake-up call for us girls. As many self-help and women's worth blogs that offered in from many sources in media, we should also know that guys are humans with feelings too. It's perfectly fine to have a little jealousy in the relationship but ONLY enough to show you care. The best line:

    "Never strain to analyze your boyfriend, don't be suspicious over a knickknack, avoid holding on to him too tight, master your emotional breakdowns and never take him for granted."

    "Stay the way you were when you first met each other and change for the better, think long-term and give away what you would want in return."

    "I do not claim that they are all good men, I just know that they are all not bad."

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  36. i did the same, but i made him fall for a guy, i hate myself

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  37. It is so brave of you to share this with everyone!
    I love your way of writing; beautiful, simple and so true. We have all been silly teenagers doing silly things, I for one have also tested my boyfriend once. When we are teenagers, we are filled with insecurity, then we grow up and learn from our mistakes, and it seems you really did :)

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  38. hahahahaha! stupidest idea ever!

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  39. That was a very interesting story. A little bit of paranoia can ruin a whole lot.

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  40. Wow, that was a really interesting story. Being a guy myself i cant even guarantee i wouldnt fal for it. I mean, its like meeting your girlfriend again but avoiding all the bad stuff that you realize over time. So in all honesty, this was the stupidest idea ive heard about, but at the same time really, really interesting.

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  41. It sucks that some girls act like this with their significant other or even friends. People need to chill out and let life happen.

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  42. I agree with you, A. I wish people could just lay back, live their lives, and be honest about who and what they want.

    Sadly I guess it's not that simple for some.

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  43. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It reminds me how I use to think when I was together with my exboyfriend. And now I also have a drop dead gorgeous man that I love more than I ever loved anoyone before. You learn from your mistakes;).
    Hugs from Sweden.

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  44. It seems loyalty is a thing of the past.Love is a drug that makes people insane.

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  45. I love this. Some girls are ballsy enough to admit that they do things like this and some aren't. I'm sorry you had to find out the way you did but I assure you there are guys out there who are looking to find a girl to be with. My boyfriend may not be looking to marry me now but at least I know he tries everything he can to keep US going. Thanks for sharing!

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  46. Such a great post, iv read this several times now and the last paragraph always seem to hit home so strong, such a great series of things that need to be kept true for a relationship to develop and become strong with time, not fade away and stagnate

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  47. I second the comment "Sounds like you stopped being his girlfriend; not that he stopped being your boyfriend. You created this ending for yourself"

    Also, if you play along with him, why couldn't the possibility of him playing along with you, knowing that it was you behind the covers?

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  48. wow this is deep. some girls (myself included) we just wana test our bfs and hope that he doesnt fall for it. but its wrong i guess and this story proves it. thanks fr sharing this

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  49. Well that was twisted. I really enjoyed the advice in the last paragraph though. So true.

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  50. i think its funny but again you did asked for this...

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  51. @essay write, unfortunately it is. he now lives in milan with his new girlfriend and I am going on strong with my new boyfriend.

    (and this, again, was six years ago)

    (I was 14 years old)

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  52. so, i did something idiotic one time too. anytime i really liked a guy i would blow it.
    one guy was perfect. gorgeous. funny. easy to talk to. basically felt like we were soul mates. i had been talking to him for a couple weeks stayed the night together 1 time, made out a few times. and had a lot of fun together. he went out of town for a weekend and didn't tell me. i guess i was feeling insecure and so i felt the need to sleep with his best friend. of course this ruined everything with mr. perfect. i spent the next 6 years trying to get back into his life in a anyway i could. sending him facebook messages, showing up at parties i knew he would be at, basically stalking him.
    it didn't work. i blew it. and maybe my obsession stemmed from the fact that i would never know what could have been, what life i could of had if things had worked out. i still talk to him sometimes. i still think he is gorgeous. i still thnk he is funny. i still could see us happily ever after. but, now i'm engaged, i am happy, and i have the most beautiful funny fiance. i can't complain. life has a way of working out. when i got engaged he sent a text saying wow, he just found out on facebook and congrats. maybe he was waiting for me to be less stalkerish all along and just tell him how i felt. how i never stopped thinking about him for 6 years. how i will always regret not knowing what we could have done.

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  53. so, i fully agree with you some time even though we love sum one we have to leave them ..
    like my friend who recently had a break up was in love with her boyfriend bt still she left him coz he was wasting his life

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  54. It takes great courage to retell a story like this. Thank you for sharing this.

    You made a mistake but you learnt from it. What's in the past cannot be changed but I hope you move forward from this and find someone who truly makes you feel secure and loved. Good luck :)

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  55. Sad history. You created a so perfect person to him - there isn't someone so perfect. He fell in love with 'her' because he thought he would never find someone so good. Not that you wasn't good, but, as you said, you forgot him (as you) all that time. You were too much focused on that virtual girl. That was your biggest mistake. I'm sorry for you, hunny. At least you learned a great lesson. Hugs

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  56. Really well written. I know exactly how you feel.

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  57. Really useful information, thanks so much for the article.

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  58. It will not truly have success, I feel like this.

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  59. This won't actually have effect, I suppose like this.

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  60. fucking dumb bitch it was entirely your fault... don't blame it on other men you psychotic whore.

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    Replies
    1. "Psychotic whore" "dumb bitch" Shut your mouth, you ignorant, misogynistic tool bag.

      Delete
  61. After being in relationship with him for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM

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    I explained my problem to someone i met on the internet and she suggested that I should rather contact a spiritualist, Dr Ehijator the great spirutualist and that he could help me cast a spell that will bring my husband back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to give contact him, I e-mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before seven days, that my Ex will return to me after seven days, he made sacrifices and cast a spell and surprisingly in the seventh day, it was around 5pm,My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that has happened,and that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again with our 2kids he abandoned with me. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only geniune and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem.
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