Saturday, February 5, 2011

maybe I love him


unknown

His ways, the way he treats me is not out of the ordinary. We were talking three years ago but turned out he didn't want anything so nothing happened...well not nothing per-say. He wanted to be friends, I said fine but I have been on an emotional roller coaster with him that I've told him we can't be friends several times. I've ignored we've stopped talking and everything your girlfriends tell you how to get over a crush that didn't work out. But with all these advice there's nothing you can really do but be addicted to him. We had a "No Strings Attach" moment and still continuing but it's not as much as before considering the fact he has someone now. I've done the crying and the rejection feeling has passed, at least I always lie to myself that it has. Now we are "friends" I talk to him like any guy friends I've had but this one has a flirt recipe in it and he does the same. He claims he cares for me, he claims he wants me in his life, loves talking to me and yet nothing would ever happen. I stopped having hope but when you hear someone say "you never know. Never say never" I want to punch him in the face but I can't help that I like him..a lot and enjoy his annoying presence and remind myself we will never ever ever be together so I say to myself i will get over him, he will be a memory of the past, he will be gone or maybe I love him? But that can't be...it really can't but I do wish I was over him and wish he can just leave me alone for real this time not for a week or so then tell me he misses me.

This has got to be a phase...because love can not be.

20 comments:

  1. this is very thoughtful. yesterday I met my not really ex ( it means we heve neve been in love at one time, i loved him, he never loved me)and he said he feels something to me now and wishes we would meet with him. But i cant feel something to him, of corse i also cant forget him. and i dont know what to do. Maybe i love him?

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  2. this was a post you started thinking about, beautiful really.

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  3. i'm in that situation right now. you wrote that like it was straightly from my life. it made me cry, unfortunately. i've been following this blog for a long time, and this is maybe my first comment to you. but i love your texts, they make me think and sometimes cry. love is hard subject to handle, but you do it well. :--]

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  4. I am going through something similar at the moment. We've only known each other for a few months, and I've recently told him I can't be friends because of my feelings for him when he doesn't want to be anything but friends, but it's not working out. I miss him so much and it's making me crazy to not be able to talk to him. =/

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  5. I feel the exact same way about someone. Scenario almost the same. You're not crazy or bad. The advice from nous and friends, the "logic" dies nor work because you DO ove him, just Luke I love mine and dare I say it he probably loves you too. I know mine does. Love andife can ne messy and take some time before.it is wrapped in a bow.

    I ove this blog.

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  6. Maybe I love him-

    I know your exact feelings at the moment because I am too going through the same thing. You wish back and forth that your satisfied with the no strings attached because it gives you freedom, but at the same time you yern for something more. He'll never want to leave your side one week and then never hear a word for another. Its this constant back and forth that wears on you. All I can say is hold in there with this crush as distraction until the one that wants to hold on enters your life.

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  7. One of my dearest friends is in the same situation, but he is a guy who loves this girl with his whole heart. I fear though for their and his future as she is holding out for some reason.

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  8. Oh my god.... this is EXACTLY what I'm going through right now.
    It has GOT TO BE a phase, indeed.

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  9. So beutiful -- visit my blog inspiredbylove.image blogpot.com and cmmmment thanks :)

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  10. That's so sweet. I like the photo.

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  11. It's Ok in the end. If it's not Ok, then its not the end.
    <3

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  12. Exactly what I'm going through as well, right down to the 3 years ago.

    I'm still not over him because he keeps popping back into my life like nothing happened and I don't have the strength or the courage to tell him not to talk to me anymore (tried that once but i unblocked him in the end 3 weeks later and we started talking again).

    We will all be okay in the end please have faith<3

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  13. This happened to me too. I wasted three years yearning for someone who would give me just enough to not move on. He was my best friend and often told me how important I was to him, how much he treasured having me in his life, etc. He always gave me just enough to keep me in love enough to foster the tiniest hope; he seemed to know exactly what "enough" was, exactly when I'd start to feel a little free or hopeless enough to start letting go - days, weeks, months, whatever, he knew exactly when every single time - and he'd do or say something just long enough that it would pull me right back in. THREE YEARS.

    It wasn't until I summoned the courage one very scary October night, in the sheltering darkness of my car after yet another friends-or-more-I-can't-tell type of evening together, to ask him if there would ever come a time that he'd pick me or let me go that I learned the truth. When he responded that I "wasn't worth the effort of dating" - then I first saw sharply and clearly the power and parts of myself I'd given away and the time I'd wasted - to him. Someone who obviously didn't even see ME; he didn't value the gift I'd made of myself all those years and didn't deserve my devotion. It was a horrible night and it still took months to recover enough to even look at him - now two years later I am finally starting to feel completely over who I thought he was - yet he was dating an unimpressive girl within weeks after hurting me and married her a few months later. Maybe he was just as stuck in the painful, comfortable cycle as I was... If only I'd have stopped making excuses and rationalizing for him sooner - the time and pain I'd have saved myself!

    All of you in this situation! - Take my mother's advice, "Never make someone a priority in your life when they've only made you an option in theirs." You deserve more and from guys like them, more for you may be nothing from him.

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  14. Oh my God! It is simply unbelievable how you get to think that you're the only one in the world that's going through such a complicated thing, and yet you discover there are hundreds of people who are in this situation.

    I read this blog for a long time ..and this story just.. made my heart stop beating. I saw that you guys are in the same situation ..and guess what? so am I. It is complicated and it is going on for 4 years by now.
    And I don't know what to do ..someone I'm telling myself I should let go, and other times I just ..believe that waiting is the best option, because my time will come.
    I think I'll go crazy in the end.

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  15. It brings me a bit of comfort that I'm not the only one in the same situation... But it makes me sad that we're all going through this...
    It's this endless struggle that we're going through.. And as much as we want them to be part of our lives entirely, it might never happen. I find that hard... And exhausting.
    For me.. I can't seem to ask him for more than just a friendship. I'm too scared that if I ask, he'll just run scared and that will be it... Sigh... And that's how I'm in this vicious cycle if wanting more.
    Maybe one day it'll happen.

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  16. I've been in a similar situation for a while now as well. I've known this guy for 6 years and we always had a connection. But over the past 3-4 years I've really really had intense feelings. The ones where your stomach hurts and you can't concentrate. The thing is that we've both never been single at the same time so nothing has ever happened. He admitted to me a few years ago that he had feelings (mind you he still had a long distance gf) but I blew it off because hello.. he was drunk and had a gf. I thought the feelings would go away but they never have.

    Now he's with another girl - unimpressive - as Sarah would say and I'm terrified he might marry her. I'm finally going to admit how I feel and if I get rejected so what? I mean dealing with the pain of the unknown can be just as cruel. And think about this - you can either tell this boy how you feel and if he says no, then you may have lost a friend. But if you never tell him and he marries someone else.. then you've lost him then. My advice is to always tell them because you never know.

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  17. Holy shit i feel exactly the same way. Love sucks right. Specially when he starts seeing someone new like the day after the day he broke up with his one-year girlfriend. He Then says to me, you should have called me 4 weeks ago. Wtf? Im not falling in love until Im 25. I got a few years until then. Wish me luck

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  18. one of the comments here was made about me , i dunt wanna say myname ... but i am inlove with her too , i miss her everyday , i cant sleep . eat . talk . study or anything without her presence ... she would not understand that . she thinks am lying .... i wish she reads this ..

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  19. u have no idea how much i feel you....He is the same with me but we will never ever be cuz he's homosexual...At least now you can feel a bit better....i hope

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